Fine then.....Don't speak!!!!  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
3/25/2006 2:04 am

Last Read:
4/2/2006 9:28 pm

Fine then.....Don't speak!!!!

This is a tough one to write.

I am happily attached to the woman I want to spend the rest of my days with, my lady. I have stated in my profile that "I'm not looking for a relationship". All I'm looking for are likeminded friends to form friendships with, maybe take it a step further. My lady & I have an open relationship, which means that we are upfront & honest about what is going on between us and with other people that we meet.

Now, with that being said...there are one or two that I've met online here at AdultFriendFinder. We emailed, IMed, and developed (what I thought) were close, intimate friendships. I didn't plan on things getting to that point, but I guess nature has a way of throwing a monkey wrench into anyone's plans. It got to the point that I looked forward to signing on after I got my pre-lim work done at the hotel, so I could see these people and pass the night with them.

But now, I feel a distance has grown between me and these 'friends'. I don't hear from them like before. I leave my IM on...nothing. I send emails...nothing. I see them in the chat rooms...hardly a word.

Now I know, real life interferes with all of us. Hell, I'm the biggest proponent of 'get off the keyboard and go get a LIFE!'. But this is something quite different. A friend (that still talks to me), angelic, wrote a blog post, [post 281237], to the effect that she was thinking about killing her AdultFriendFinder profile, because nobody would talk to her online, except for me and a very few others.

What is it that makes people come on strong with you, get in close to you, then leave you standing in the cold? Too many times, I've had people come talk to me in IM, asking 'what did I do? and so hasn't spoken to me in sooooo long?"(for some reason, there's a sign hanging over my head that says The Dr. Phil of BDSM...but I do like helping people when I can)

I am so thankful that I have my blog and I've joined a couple of groups that occupy my free time when the hotel gets a little too quiet; otherwise, I think I'd go quietly mad. At least by writing, some people do reply on occasion.

People...If you're thinking about leaving that person you've been talking to online in the lurch; stop for a minute and just think. Think how you'd feel if that person who you've shared with just up and vanished. Think how you'd feel if they stopped speaking to you for no apparent reason. Ask yourself: How would I feel if that happened to me?

If you're not going to talk, either don't start or at least have the testicular fortitude (re: BALLS) to let someone know why.

I put my mood as cold, but I'm not too sure that covers what I'm feeling right now.

Sorry, this is what happens when things get slow at 431am on a Saturday morning in a hotel front lobby.

NG61...worrying about a friend right at the moment

©Nightguy_1961 2006

MamChelle 48F  
1443 posts
3/25/2006 5:45 am

i know this feeling...and it sucks when one descides the F/friendship would be prefered over being lovers and then the O/one dissapears and forgets as well... so i *smile* cussing is not very *hugs to You and lady*

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 9:31 pm:
*hugs and kisses back* I've seen it happen too many damn times

libgemOH 56M/52F

3/25/2006 6:41 am

I've had the same experience and it does suck, you are right. I think the thing about an online friendship is it is generally pretty "safe" in that one feels they don't need to reveal their true self. The thing about it is, we usually do end up revealing our true self and that often makes people panic. (the age old question, what if they know all about me and then don't like me? What do I have left?)

I have learned to put up somewhat of a wall between me and those I talk to on here until such time as I can talk to them on the phone and hopefully, eventually meet them in person. I have learned to expect nothing from those I meet online and then I can be pleasantly surprised if there is something. The one thing that STILL gets me going though is when a person out and out lies to me. It still pisses me off and gets past that wall and hurts. Had a recent experience with that! -B

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 9:32 pm:

Not much you can say....I'm sorry it happened to you.

I've had it happen to me one too many times. I guess I need to put up a new radar system or something.

wickedeasy 66F  
25445 posts
3/25/2006 7:01 am

sighs a heavy sigh

NIght - my iggy blog speaks to some of this but i would add, if i may?

of late, i have noticed a dearth of IM's coming my way - used to be i'd log on and there would be a bunch of offlines waiting. part of me went immediately to, "what did i do wrong". but yanno, i can't think of anything i've done except share my reactions, feelings honestly with those that have asked.

my second take is - people disappear when you get too close - because they feel uncomfortable? that you know them. not just the online persona, but the real thing. seems to me, right after someone tells me something real - poof.

now, for me, this is painful - i feel like i lost a connection and i have tried a number of times to follow through on that - to see if there is something to be salvaged. but when do you stop? how often does someone have to not reply, not have the time before you go....
hmmmmm....okay got it.....

and then - there are those bright shining moments when you find true friends - friends that are there for you whenever you need them and i have been blessed with a few of those. smiles at Night and lady.

bottom line? you can't make them love you if they don't. you can't make their hearts feel something it won't. and if they don't have the cujones to tell you..........then they aren't friends at all, are they?

friends tell you the truth even when you don't want to hear it. and they take phonecalls at 10 at night even when they are in the middle of something - and they share, without fear of judgement or repercussion.

so friend of mine....i can't tell you not to worry....can't tell you it doesn't hurt.....can't eve tell you to let it go....

but i can tell you this...........i will NEVER do that to You or lady


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 9:35 pm:

I know what you're saying. My thought is....when a lot of these people were down, they came to others looking for consolation, friendship, whatever.

But now, it's like, "Oh well, you served your purpose...take a hike!" I guess I've just reached a point where my 'talents' are better served elsewhere.

Thanks, friend *hugs to da wicked one*

NGs_lady 64F
762 posts
3/25/2006 9:03 am

I have put my IM on at 7:30 am and left it on till the wee hours of the night and found that people don't talk to me any be I'll wright a blog on it also from my point of view

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 9:36 pm:
My lady,

I know what you mean...I've been there with you, through the hurt feelings and the tears caused by those you thought were friends.

Never again

rm_Lance_Elliot 46M

3/25/2006 2:06 pm

[post 284560]

Snagged by the real one

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 9:37 pm:
AMEN, brother, amen

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
3/25/2006 7:07 pm

I've had similar experiences and they hurt my heart. But I guess folks sort of focus their attention elsewhere once you're taken. I sort of understand - but I like the people I meet here and don't want friendships that are being developed to just stop like that. I've been really fortunate and have some friendships from here that carry on no matter what and I value them so much!

On a very different note, I saw you at the blog of fantasylover05 and thought you may be interested in this... Please make sure to vote for the Warden of Punishment for Blogville - See post = [post 284927]

Thanks - Whisper...

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 9:38 pm:

Good for you...glad to know that someone has come out on top.


and I still think I'd be a good executioner

rm_CuummDrop 48F
2591 posts
3/25/2006 7:15 pm

It doesn't take but a quick Minute... to say hello,, people should have the common curtisity to do so... specially when a deep friendship is/was being formed...

Have a Wonderful Evening,,, Sir... Both,, You and Your lady

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/25/2006 10:44 pm:

You're absolutely right...I guess in this modern tech age, the common curtesies have been forgotten.

qosmann 66M

3/25/2006 10:28 pm

hhmmm..... to quote a sage, truth is a three edged sword. seems there are two parts to the story that aren't being told.

not that i'm blessed with great insight, but it occurs to me that over the years there have been many friendships with people i no longer speak to. people move. situations change. there arent enough hours.

sad? yes. cause for reflection? yes. life goes on? one can hope.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 3:24 am:
Yes...but unfortunately, there are occurances where no one has moved, situations haven't changed, and the hours have remained the same. What then?

Sad? On their part. Cause for reflection? No, more like cause for a cynical outlook. Life goes on? Of course, but I hope these people don't expect me to take them back with open arms.

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
3/25/2006 11:32 pm

LOL! If it comes to execution - you may still have that role. As Warden of Punishment for Blogville I would prioritize the punishments and be first to hear the moans of pain/ecstasy/orgasm as the case may be - but will be allowing those who want to punish the ability to carry out the task!


Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 3:25 am:
If you want to get trav to an orgasm, go right ahead!!!


rm_Just_Erotica 63M/57F

3/26/2006 10:25 pm

My wife Sensuous_Salz and I have been playing around here on and off for 5 years. In that time we have met people in the flesh and for the largest part has been memorable experiences. At times after we felt we had made good friends. But just like in the RL things often go south for various reasons. I know that in our case jealously has reared its ugly head a time or two. Both with RL sex friends and even more so with cybersex friends. It is a constant learning experience and that is what makes it so special. If we were not learning would we stay here and plug away day after day? Sometimes the friends do come back; they had just chosen a different path for a little while.

Nightguy_1961 replies on 3/26/2006 11:24 pm:

A pleasure to meet you.

I know that time and circumstances can change relationships, even cyber relationships.

And yes, I am very familiar with that 'green eyed monster' known as jealousy...even here in the cyber realm.

Thanks for the comment.

babygirl2luv2 55F
2 posts
4/2/2006 8:20 am

I also have been on the recieving end of those O/ones who seem to be the best thing since sliced bread and then poof just vanish.. or to add salt to the wound... just flat out shun you while you try to talk to them... do these people know what kind of blow that delivers to a persons heart... self esteem.. and their self worth.. they begin to think.. "ok,, what in the hell did i do to deserve such a cold shoulder shown so openly in public?" Then that person just looks at you with cold eyes and say What?????

Then you sit alone and feeling totally worthless as what you thought was being a friend.. only to find out... YOUR WRONG.. OR DELUSIONAL from thier looks or replies to your queries ... * shrugs* well my thought to that is " I love who I am.. and if they cant or dont see that.. well the hell with them.. they are not worth my time or effort in even thinking about being a "friend"....

NG... You and your lady have been a friend to me that I cherish with my heart.. Thank you so much.. * blows kisses to both of you * ..

P.S. Have missed you both.. but then I have been busy a bit.. my time is being occupied. but im sure you know that .. or heard the "talk".... Take care.. be well.. dont be a stranger..

Nightguy_1961 replies on 4/2/2006 9:33 pm:

It has happened to me and my lady more than once....we just take comfort in the fact that we do have friends that we can call or will call us on the phone....ones that ask "How are you doing?" and MEAN IT!!!

Our attitude is: They can try to make us feel worthless....only we can decide to let them.

You are a good friend to us as well....we just don't go in the chatroom as much as's lost it's appeal.

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