Alone on the Path......not sure which way to go.  

Nightguy_1961 55M
3324 posts
10/12/2005 9:48 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Alone on the Path......not sure which way to go.

I have reached an epiphany in my of those moments when you find yourself either at a crossroads or dealing with a set of life changing circumstances.

What I'm going through right now reminds me of the first time I played blackjack in a casino. I knew how to play...I was confident in my skills; hell, I was downright cocky. I walked out 2 hours later realizing I didn't know a damn thing about playing blackjack.

That's the feeling I'm facing right now. I was confident in my bdsm skills, but now I feel like a complete novice.

There is so much that has changed since I first started on the Path...the internet, the strong Gorean influence, electroplay, etc. I feel overwhelmed, damn near helpless.

I am facing a critical juncture with my lady. She has never been a 24/7 submissive, so she is venturing into a new realm. She has F/friends that are more than willing to help or give advice, so she will be fine.

But as for me.......

Back when I first ventured into bdsm, I'd just left a very bad marriage. My wife had cheated on me while I was at sea, so I was gun shy about relationships. I didn't want to deal with the pain of commitment, so I have sought or had a submissive of my own. Sure, I scened, but I always walked away afterwards, never giving up the feelings that were needed. I knew the mechanics of combining pleasure/pain, domination/submission..but it was more like painting with numbers instead of creating a Van Gogh like masterpiece.

Now I've got a lady who is willing to be my submissive 24/7...and I'm terrified. Terrified I'll let her down. Terrified that I don't know enough to keep her wanting more. Terrified I'll be thought of as a fake....a phony...a poser.

I'm staring at a blank canvas, brush in hand...and fear of failure keeps my hand frozen, unable to make the first brush strokes.

I feel so alone on my Path tonight.

LilRavven 36F
5 posts
10/15/2005 12:51 pm

You've never been a 24/7 Dom, she's never been a 24/7 sub. Love, learn and grow together. There are bound to be failures and sucesses learn from them both and you will both find the balance that you need. Be brave enough to openly discuss what you both feel and felt during a particular thing and a million possibilities will open up for you.

hugs to you both

DefiniteTrouble 50F

10/17/2005 5:57 am

Ditto Ravven.

GREAT blog NG - I'll be back later to go through some of your previous posts.

rm_His_cille 40F
9 posts
10/20/2005 2:05 am

Hey Ravven and priestess said it best. All my love and encouragement to you and lady. I know that You have the makings and support of a sensitive sub to do a damn fine job as a 24/7 Dom.


CCcouple25m27f 36M/36F  
154 posts
10/21/2005 4:38 am

NG you should do fine... I only have one question.
Have you ever put yourself in the submissive position? If not, then think of trying it at least once. Only once you have been the submissive can you understand and be the best Dom you can be.

Hugs and Spanks

Become a member to create a blog