Men, can you be men?  

NiceLady1957 61F
225 posts
8/23/2006 7:02 pm

Last Read:
9/24/2008 7:57 pm

Men, can you be men?


Hey Guys!

Please tell me something. Are you so afraid of rejection that you cannot be the first to say I love you or let's be exclusive when you know that both of your sense this could be for real?

Now I am not talking to those of you who fall in love on the first date...that is a whole different personality type...clingy and jealous....but I am talking to those of you who are in the 'normal' range....why can't you be the first to fess up and then when you don't...give in to the first gal who says it to you....but stay with her instead of the one you truly wish had said it first? Why don't you just admit you love the other though someone else said it to you first...and go be with the one with whom you have the most fun and the best connection...whether it is convenient or not?

lostmydrinkagain 44F
2272 posts
8/23/2006 7:27 pm

oh I wish I could send this blog to someone...


NiceLady1957 61F

8/23/2006 7:35 pm

Well you have my permission to send it along the way.


cougarprey4play 41M

8/23/2006 7:43 pm

Mmmmm...
...I know what you are talking about but unfortunately can't go into any more detail about it (it relates to my serious profile).

I know it sounds strange but I can at least post...

I think most men are taught/raised not being able to say those words to women in general. Even when they are engaged or married, they want a woman to believe that he loves her but for some reason he can't form the words with his lips & say it.


NiceLady1957 replies on 8/24/2006 2:53 pm:
So tell us...are you with a woman because she was the first to say it, even though you truly do not have those feelings for her...but have them for someone else to whom you would not say it? Why settle if that is the case...why break someone's heart who truly cares for you rather than choose to manipulate you with words..."I Love You"....???

ScantDopedTamps 62M
36 posts
8/23/2006 7:59 pm

Wish I had that problem ... mostly its a controlling thing once it escalates to that level


NiceLady1957 replies on 8/24/2006 2:54 pm:
What do yo umean controlling when it escalates to that level?

silverhawk762 51M/47F

8/23/2006 8:26 pm

Actually, what makes you guys take to your heels and run like hell once you've said it?


cougarprey4play 41M

8/25/2006 11:47 am

So tell us...are you with a woman because she was the first to say it, even though you truly do not have those feelings for her...but have them for someone else to whom you would not say it? Why settle if that is the case...why break someone's heart who truly cares for you rather than choose to manipulate you with words..."I Love You"....???
---
I have had feelings for people over the years, when I poured out my heart I ended up ruining any friendship or relationship I had with that person.

I've been more cautious these days because I don't want to go through the same thing again. On the flip side of the coin I've had women tell me they loved me when they hardly knew me. It catches me off guard & since I don't know much about them, I don't return that same phrase.

I believe it should only be used when it is absolutely correct to do so instead of just like saying "Hi" to someone. I have no issues saying it but know there is a right & wrong time to do so. It has only come with trial & error for me.

I have avoided being with women that I don't have a connection with; even if they show attraction towards me, use "I love you", etc. I won't do be with them. Also I don't use it to get women.

My serious profile is very indepth & it shows who I am - I have several people taking a peek at it because they are interested to know more about me. I'm not wanting to play games with anyones heart because I've had mine broken. I will be cautious but open to love when it comes again & hopefully the next time it will be mutual. Then I won't have to worry about using those words & my heart will be lifted up when I hear them from that person as well!

I will remain hopeful!


NiceLady1957 replies on 8/27/2006 12:09 pm:
Hang in there!

ScantDopedTamps 62M
36 posts
8/25/2006 4:28 pm

Once you say ILOVE YOU (and not after havin sex) takes it to another level .... Saying it is easy ... meaning it is showing it w/o words. the "control thing" is giving up space to express yourself w/o being selfish.


NiceLady1957 replies on 8/27/2006 12:10 pm:
But, yes it can be hard to say...but why settle for someone just because they say it to you first, rather than go be with the one who was biding her time to give you time to know it was real?

rm_finalsojourn 62M

8/27/2006 5:57 am

I agree...you have to be honest at all times...nevr stay in a relationship whose dynamic may have changed from what it was at the beginning....say a friends with benefits relationship....if it begins to change you must be honest with your feelings for the person...bcause it should not be allowed to grow into a onesided..."I love you relationship" ...I have experienced having had a friend that fell in love with me...and I was not in love with her...she said it first....and I had to point out we could only be friends...let it be known..we had never had sex together.

Conversely....I had been hurt....because I was the first to say "I love you"...and was "rejected" and things did not work out....today, years later we have become good friends....just as friends.


NiceLady1957 replies on 8/27/2006 12:11 pm:
But, my question is cannot 2 people sense that they both love one anotehr? So why do we end up settling for one we do not love just because they said it first....and why do we say it to someone when we most likely know they don't feel that way toward us?

cougarprey4play 41M

8/27/2006 8:17 pm

Hang in there!
---
I will & I encourage others to do the same! No reason for us to settle for less than what we want.

Take care,
Coug


3fanman 56M
6 posts
9/13/2006 8:17 pm

Been there...done that (saying it first after 8 months)...got blasted out of the water.


NiceLady1957 replies on 9/23/2006 6:49 pm:
Sorry about that...that hurts.

rm_fither579 72M

6/25/2008 12:49 pm

i knew a lady that i still feel strongly about. would do any thing to renew with. but she needed more than what i could provide. what do you do when they say i need more?


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