Relationships: How do you stop controlling lovers??  

NaughtyJade82 34F
2 posts
10/22/2005 11:55 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Relationships: How do you stop controlling lovers??

I'm sure many of you have something to say on this. Being a Libra, (most of us abhor conflict) I've always been a friendly and giving person. I will go out of my way to help those I love and care for and do my best to keep them happy. Unfortunately we all eventually run into someone willing to take advantage of this trait.

In this case, that person was my b/f, (we will call him John) whom I loved very very much. The only problem was, he was always worried about me when I went out. At first I thought this was perfectly normal. I didn't go out very much at the time and when I did it was usually late in the night. He would ask me the usual questions Who (are u going with), What (are you gonna do), When (are you leaving/coming back), and Where (are you gonna be). Simple questions nothing I thought was a big deal at the time until...

It started with comments on my clothing, what he thought was too tight, too revealing, too pink, etc. Not too much of a problem for me at the time, I was always working or at home so I didn't need to worry about dressing up. Later it was a simple request to call him whenever I planned to leave the house w/o him. No sweat. I thought he was just being protective of me. He always said that I was too nice, too naive, and easy to take advantage of. (I kinda was)

A few months later I made a few good girl friends that invited me out occasionally. I had no cell so he'd ask me for my friends numbers "just in case". Fine right? Not quite. Before I knew it I had restrictions on where I could go, who I could see, and how long I could stay out. I finally realized how ridiculous it had gotten when he left town for awhile. I didn't mind that he called everyday, I did mind it he started to call my friends and grill them on my whereabouts. (at 3 o'clock in the morning)

I was finally fed up when he began to tell me what time I needed to be at home. He even went as far as telling me to leave in the middle of group activities (watching movies, etc) because it was supposedly too late to be out.

There's is much more to this story of course, but I'm sure you get the picture. My question is, am I right? I told him I thought he was being too controlling and he had a fit! He didn't see why I had a problem with him "caring" about me. Eventually I got so tired of saying "Yes, OK, whatever you say" and I began to worsen the situation with stubbornness. I stayed out for as long as I wanted, ignored his calls, didn't go home until I felt. I tried to compromise but it didn't work and I was tired of fighting.

When is enough, enough? How do you get your loved ones to realize that they are driving you away instead of keeping you near?

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