Jealousy varies according to gender  

rm_NAVYGAL07 47F
22 posts
6/18/2006 9:02 am

Last Read:
8/4/2009 10:09 am

Jealousy varies according to gender

Saint Augustine wrote, "He that is not jealous is not in love."

We could muse forever about whether men or women are more prone to jealousy. However, science is now revealing the genders get jealous for different reasons, and that guys and gals have different ways of showing their jealousy.

For men, jealousy seems to be connected with that burning desire to perpetuate the gene pool. The evolutionary theory of jealousy argues men want to see babies who look like dad, and get really annoyed if there's even a chance they're raising another guy's kid. So, the theory goes, guys go wild when their mates sleep with another potential source of sperm.

Researcher David Buss and colleagues at the University of Texas tried an experiment. They asked college students which type of infidelity was worse, sexual or emotional? If they had to choose, would it be more distressing to know your mate is having sex with another partner, or is developing a strong emotional attachment to someone else? The results were published in the journal Psychological Science in 1992.

An overwhelming proportion of the males said sexual infidelity was worse, and most females felt emotional betrayal was more hurtful. This correlates nicely with the perpetuate-my-gene-pool theory since sexual infidelity gives men worries that don't apply to females. As the saying goes, "Mama's baby, Papa's maybe."

Other researchers feel the evolutionary viewpoint is oversimplified, and that Buss's results may be a result of social expectations and how the questions were asked.

Psychology Prof. David DeSteno of Northeastern University in Boston did another study, under what he feels are more natural conditions. It showed that men and women both appear to experience greater distress in response to sexual infidelity than to emotional infidelity.

Or perhaps men and women just interpret infidelity cues differently. As Christine Harris writes in the American Scientist, "One possibility is that men and women may simply draw different conclusions about the hypothetical infidelity and what other unpleasantness it would likely imply."

She explains that, "Men tend to think sexual infidelity would be more distressing because they infer that if a woman has sex with another man, she is probably also in love with him.

"Women tend to believe that men can have sex without being in love. Hence, sexual infidelity does not necessarily imply emotional infidelity."

Everybody agrees we get jealous because we perceive that a valued relationship is under threat. But the way we feel the pain is different for men and women.

Ariella Friedman, in a 1998 paper in the Journal of Social Psychology, notes that, "In several studies, women became more jealous than men when they thought that their marital relationship had been damaged. Men, on the other hand, were more likely to become jealous in response to a threat to their self-esteem."

Friedman says this makes sense from an evolutionary viewpoint, noting that, "Because women and their offspring are dependent on the relationship for their genetic survival, women react with greater jealousy when the relationship is threatened."

Dowd3 42M

6/18/2006 9:42 am

Something on your mind, NW? These are the fruits of a serious, protracted thought.

To give you an idea of what jealously means to me, let me first explain I hate the experience. I hate being jealous, I hate witnessing it, and I hate the aftermath that inevitably comes from it.

It belittles me and makes me less of a man to think that I can be so selfish, but I can just the same.

Take care.

crazygurl2xx 56F

6/18/2006 12:35 pm


i think men definitely do have more jealousy when it comes to other men, sex and their woman... i think it's deeper than thought goes. i have been told this over and over by every kind of man, it's a gut reaction kind of thing without any basis in reality. men own their women kind of stuff...

well thanks for the thought provoking subject. i was just thinking about this myself as my man and i just shared a playful evening with another couple last night and he admitted when he saw me with the other man he just felt it welling up in him unbidden and he was really glad it was a soft swap kind of deal without intercourse between us. but i watched him fuck the other woman with no qualms whatsoever...

just kinda funny.

dreamweavrinma 56M
3 posts
6/18/2006 4:16 pm

I don't like making others feel bad only feel good. It is a shame that we men do these things at times. You could use a dose of the wind in your face medicine. I call it Harley-Davidson on the twisty roads feeling free. Let's chat sometime.

diva371969 47F

6/21/2006 11:55 am

hello lady.......this is diva......and i am not a lover of married men.........i am not interested in married men....i am single with no children at 37 years old.......i havent had anything sexual with youre in-closet husband.....he has never admitted to being married and that is a shameful look like a really sweet person...on my blog if you were referring to me as the one with youre husband i would really appreciate an apology...for it is story that you complimented said pretty is talking about my are sadly mistaken......youre husband is contacting these women first and not telling the truth...please no longer contact me or add posts to my blog....for i havent had anything to do with youre husband except correspond with him on passion...the internet can be a very deceitful tool........thank you..and good luck...Diva371969.

rm_NAVYGAL07 47F
19 posts
6/21/2006 4:27 pm

Diva.... No Pretty, was NOT in reference to you. Sorry, all I did was copy and paste from her blog to you. Sorry for the misinterpertation on that.

From blogs, I followed conversations with you and him, you even made a comment on his sn with a testimonial.... ladies he not only SEXY and nice, you should hook up with him, you were seriously thinking of doing it............ then you both had several blog chats... that is why I questioned you. Sorry he mislead you.... just another one in the bunch.. of his lies he has done to you, me and others...

I thank you for being truthful and honest. I do appreciate it and the time you took to write me a message. I have no desire to post on your blog in regards to him but that one time.

Thank you. Good luck to you too.

diva371969 47F

6/22/2006 1:53 pm

Thanks i appreciate that you understand where i am comming from and i hope you set him straight or just set him are a classy lady......take care....Diva

kerrod 48M

6/24/2006 1:24 am

Navywife, I think this is the most researched and organized blog I've seen on this site since I joined in January. You are a beautiful woman with a great smile. I'm sorry for the situation you're having to go through. If you would like to chat you can find me on Yahoo Messenger at krodri3035 or you can email me there as well.

InquisitiveSoul 52M
8 posts
6/28/2006 10:01 pm

Men feel jealousy based on the thought process of 'ownership or possession.' Rational thinking goes out the window as the testosterone level goes up and then we open our mouths! Inevitably we as a gender compound the problem instead of applying a little bit of sanity and shutting up until rational thought returns! lol.

If we can't face the red eyed monster of jealousy when it rears it's ugly head, then how can any of us actually have a truly solid relationship with anyone?

rm_tx_emtm3334 47M/48F
30 posts
8/18/2006 4:02 am

I was reading one of the blogs that you wrote and I understand what your going through. My better half did the samething to me. The only thing I did was that I started doing the same that she was. I started flirting with other people also. On my profile you will see 37C. I'm trying to take that off and leave male even though she would like to meet another female to ease her curiosity. What advise can you give me on this issue. Hope to hear from you. tx_emtm3334

rm_starr103 44M
1 post
11/16/2006 11:36 pm

nice advice dr. phill j/p tnks 4 the words help me out alot.......ruben

rm_schertzoff 54M
48 posts
3/28/2007 4:01 pm

Wow! I have lots of thoughts. I've read quite a few of your blogs, and I really think you are the deepest thinker I've yet to come across on here. I got crossed up with the drama part with you and hubby, and am amazed. I've seen several pics of you, and a few of him, and I have to say that dude is crazy! Guys are strange creatures. For some reason, no matter how out of their league they end up on the mate scale, they still think they can do better. To use a Navy term, it's pretty obvious he is an MM2, and you are a Cdr.
On the jealousy issue, lets cut through all the crap and say it like it really is. Women can get laid pretty much anytime they want. But for some reason, Women seem to be more jealous than Men. The answer is purely Human. Men are hunters, Women are nesters. To further complicate the issue is great for debate, but Men get jealous because Women just plain have more opportunity, and Women get jealous because Men are assholes! I see you have plenty of suiters on here, so I won't go there with the cheezy lines of my predecessors, but I love your brain sister!

GuamBoyToy 40M
217 posts
7/9/2008 2:13 pm

Nice term paper.. I been following your words for a while now and I have noticed that you have slipped away from Blogging until now. You are a very beautiful and sexy woman and there is no need to question your effect on men. So the question is "are we jealous" and the answer is simplified with "a degree of controlled Loss."

Either man or woman evaluate the acceptable loss verses perceived control over a "moment" and the ratio determines the rate of Jealousy. If the conversation is occurring and the outside party intercedes easily, then the jealousy rate is very low as compared to the same application where the interruption is just that, and the rate increase exponentially.

Simply put, we "all" want to feel safe and secure in our basic foundations of life. No wonder Maslow had such a difficult time dealing with the LOVE issue in his pyramid. The argument still rages on that safety is the greater portion of love otherwise people would not act hazardously when not committed.

There you have it, observations from a space case...LOL

WE miss you and eagerly await your return to blogging.

ludwig202 64  
9616 posts
7/11/2008 10:11 pm

super story.

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