|Blogs > MzThang1965 > My Life|
I didn't think I'd be able to swing a vacation with the kids this year because of 'things' but someone at work suggested a place that I checked out and found to be affordable so we're going for the entire week! We like to go camping so that's what we're doing. We've never gone for an entire week before so this will be an adventure for sure.
There are plenty of things to do nearby and this time we even get to take the bikes because I was able to find a bike rack that doesn't require a hitch! To buy a hitch 'and' a rack would have been out of the budget but this rack will work perfectly!! The girls and I got it yesterday and gave it a dry run hook up test. It was a pain in the ass, but things usually are the first time. When we're ready to go it'll be like clockwork LOL The girls are really excited to be taking the bikes this time. We've never been able to take them before because we didn't have a rack and they bummed out when they saw the other kids riding theirs. We're all really excited to go and can't wait to start packing! We're going to miss Deuce horribly though. I wish we could take him with us, but he just wouldn't have fun being tied up and left alone and we don't want to be chained to the site. We'll be sure to tell him of our adventures when we get home and I'm sure he'll have some of his own because grandpa is going to spoil him rotten
While I'm really looking forward to getting away, I'm dreading it at the same time. I love the time with my girls and we have a lot of fun together, but at the same time I feel this huge emptiness in my heart because there isn't someone for me to share it with as an adult. There will be no one to make love with late at night out in the middle of nowhere. There will be no one to 'play with' in the water. I'll see all those 'complete' families and just ache to have one of my own.
I do sound horribly ungrateful, don't I? I sound like I'm selling the love with my kids and our family of 3 short, but I do hope you understand what I mean. Everything my girls and I have is so great - except for that missing piece.
I hear a lot that I should enjoy being single and remember that there is so much crap that I don't have to put up with - but that just isn't me. I love men. I love the differences between men and women and when a match is good it can be so incredible. I love the work in a relationship. That doesn't mean that I want to do all of it, but the part that is required on my side. I really like getting to know someone, observing and learning about them through what they say and what they don't. I like observing how the male mind handles something and comparing it to how the female one does - and figuring out how to blend those two ways into something functional for both. I don't want to get old and crotchety and set in my ways to the point where I'll never be able to compromise and consider alternatives. I want that blending of two lives. I wouldn't mind if he had kids because I'm not afraid of the work it would take to blend things together.
That's the key. I'm not afraid. I'm just lonely.
8/2/2006 6:00 pm
I like camping a lot too! Hope you have fun while your gone!|