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By the time i'm done this it'll be the 8th.....
So here goes.....
Today is tuesday i'm off shift and relaxing....I can't say as I found any rants to put in here or any raves.
In the last couple days i've come to realize once again that i can't be anything but true to me, this means that i can't lie, i can't be fake and i certainly can't go against my grain. Its sad really when most of the world is made up of illusion and smoke and mirrors. Kinda like having the rug taken out from under you and it always leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
So knowing this, why would i put my self in situations where i have to go against all that i believe in? Mostly because by studying others i learn about myself and in doing so, fine tune myself. Yeah i know this sounds kinda goodie two shoeish but so be it.
People ask me what i'm looking for from this site, for the time being, its to chat, study and relate to others without loosing myself (for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction - law of thermodynamics) People also ask me what i'm looking for in a man.....well thats not quite so easy to discribe, for that we have to delve a bit into my past (fade to black open upon childhood memory) My dad is the most hard assed unloving father going (he's american, nothing against them but my dad's old school)and i had a revelation about him awhile back (this is part of knowing who i am) he is stubborn (one of my traits) unloving (shows it in his own way) and mean (can cut you down with just one look, word or gesture) this is a man who was supposed to influence my choice in men?
Well he did. Out of all the men in my past i can honestly say they were stubborn (i didn't always get my way be it right or wrong) they were insecure (sometimes not always not that it mattered) unfaithful (i was blind to it) but you get the jist of this.....i am looking for the opposite of my fathers worst traits.........
till next time........
2/8/2006 10:39 am
well, Hope you had good sleep... I was just lookin around and thouight I would read your blog... Very interesting.....Good Luck with your search hope you find what you are lookin for soon.|