A beginning  

MsDimplesInSC 47F
9 posts
5/17/2005 9:58 am

Last Read:
7/14/2006 6:11 pm

A beginning

Well it sort of occurred to me to start one of these here things to kinda just ramble and get alot off my chest. I have tried other journals but when you get stuck talking to "kids" online sometimes I feel so old. I am almost 36 a single(divorced) mother of two little men. Let me start with my marriage and what happened!

I lived at home long after graduating from high school and never really dated because I never found anyone I was interested in or anyone interested in me. I am no supermodel type. I am short(5ft 1) and chubby( I would rather say curvy but no I slightly fat). I wear glasses and boys dont make passes at girls in glasses . Anyhow I had a two best friends one male and one female. Both younger then me. When the male turned 21, the three of us and a few other friends went out and I was designated driver. That is when things started to click between me and my male friend. A few weeks later my parents went out of town and he stayed the weekend with me. From there we decided to move in together. He was 21 and I was 25. Sex always seemed to eb a sore area for us. He showed no interest in doing much for me and i was still a virgin so of course I was relatively clueless sexually, and all he was interested in was blow jobs. It was a daily thing for him to get one. After about 6 months I kinda took matters into my own hands and we had intercourse. Not all the time though and I never got much from it...By the time I was close he was done...Anyhow in December we got engaged. Then I began to notice alot of things about him that lead me to the conclusion he was gay or at least bi sexual. He denied it all. In Febryary of 1995 I got pregnant and we married May 6. Things were ok but I still felt like he was keeping things from me. We had a son on Nov 3. A year later we found out our son was born with a rare vision defect and needed surgery on both eyes. My son is legally blind because of this defect. In the process of my son having these two surgeries I had quit my full time job to be with him and I became pregnant with our second child. Oddly enough this second son, born in Dec 1997 also had medical problems and spent almost 3 years in and out of the hospital with lung infections. That pretty much sealed the deal on the downfall of our marriage. My ex was never around. I spent long nights in the hospital, my oldest son was staying with my family and my husband I could not find. So being the mosey woman I am I started doing some checking into things. Right ebfore I had gotten pregnant the first time I found a briefcase full of gay porn magazines. Found more again a few years later and he always made it seem like I was crazy when I asked. Well when we got the internet, I would find emails from men talking about what they wanted, he would lie and tell me he was chatting with people from work. Met a guy he claimed he went to high school with and I found that to be a lie. I started to turn to men online to talk to because I needed that attention. We basically had quit having any sexual content. After my second son was born I slept on the couch. My husband encouraged me to meet men offline, which blew my mind. He screwed up big time one night when he was with his "friend". His cell phone had dialed our house number, I had let the voice mail get it while I was doing something with my kids. When I finally listened back it was a conversation between him and his friend that included "I love you". I played it back so many times and saved it for him to hear. H e had no reply. He no longer was coming home at night, he would come in early mornings and change clothes see his kids and leave. Come the summer 2002, he lied and said he had to work and could not come4 to the beach with my family for vacation. Something struck me that week. I came home and he had moved out. My children were devastated and I was left to pick up the pieces. Here I am stay at home mom, one child in first grade the other starting 4k, trying to make good on past due bills. I started selling everything I owned...stereo wedding dress and then here is funny thing but during my marriage I had lost my engagement ring( a gorgeous 3/4 carat diamond that was bought from a family friend who is a local jeweler) well it was found after months swallowed by our water bed, so anyhow I sold this ring and was going to use the money to buy xmas for my kids. It was a fake ....I had to refund the money and at that point after months of struggling I realized I had to move back in with my parents to make a life for me and my sons.

Ok that was long but I am divorced, needing desperately to take my ex back to court about child support. We divorced friendly with me having full custody, we agreed for him to pay the small amount he does every two weeks and not go thru the courts,. That worked for all of a few months now he pays when he wants. Sucks but I do not have the funds to take him back. And sadly he sees his kids once a week for maybe 2-3 hrs. His life has alkways been more importtant than anyone else's .

So basically i have very little of a life. I am putting myself back thru college and a year away from a Bachelor's. And I would write more but I have rambled on and on and on plus it is time to get my kids from school!

I get bored at times and right now I am surely just looking to find adults to talk to.

ufeelmetill 39F

5/17/2005 10:40 am


NightOfPassion2 58M

5/17/2005 10:42 am

I sit and read. Had a friend with same problem...he was gay, they divorced she met a guy who had married and divored a latent lesbian.

It would be a privelidge to talk to you. About anything really. You've been thru a lot...2 kids, college, thats a lot to handle.

But wow, very proud that you're going to college, takes something to be doing that.

Look forward to reading more.


rm_4nik8_4u 61M
2501 posts
5/17/2005 12:30 pm

I could ask you all the "why did you do that?" questions, but I know you've heard all that. I will say that I admire your courage and strength to have weathered all you have and continue to move forward and better yourself. Be proud of yourself. And don't ever assume you aren't attractive. Beauty exists in many forms, and as with other works of art, it is open to interpretation. When you begin to put your pleasure first, your sorrows will begin to disappear. I would like it if you come visit my blog and share your thoughts and comments.

BeMyLouisLane 46M

5/17/2005 1:28 pm

You see I...I know dis guy TONee, if ya want I can have TONee take the X ou' Back and rough him up a bit for ya's. If da x ain't got no money TONee will get ya some blood see.

Ok so the new york accent doesn't translate well over the internet. However, I think if that didn't make you laugh perhaps I could pull down my pants. Your sure to get a laugh out of that thing! Are you laughing yet? No, ok ok I got it. OUCH! I just walked into a door, How's that for funny?
I'm on-line all the time apparently my comedy skills need some work, but I can be a friend, someone to rant and rave at, you name it. Hey, we don't even have to have sex. Although you've got a great set of eyes. I mean ears, oh wait in the picture all we could see is your breast. Ok You've got a great set of boobs. I can imagine if your tired of talking to kids then your tired of being the rock of the family and would just like to have another person to lean on. I'm in Atlanta so unless your really tall I don't think you can lean that far. So contact me If you don't see anyone else around I'm man enough to be here if you need to talk. Please know that not all men are created the same. Yes I cruise these websites looking for a little bit of excitement, but my wife knows and I've never left ANY of my duties and privliges unattended at home. You've displayed a lot of strength and courage in your actions, so I know you can do whatever you want. So get out there kick the ex's ass finish school and move on with you and the kids life. Easy enough right? I've got 2 boys and 1 on the way so I know some of the things you face. You have my respect in the way you handle things. I wish you the best and if you ever need to chat hit me up!!

The next time you feel the world closing in on you, go to a window in your house that faces outside your house. Open the curtains, turn around drop your pants and send the world a great big "kiss my ass" moon!! Maybe nobody will see it but you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you mooned every person or company that's a pain in your ass!

frankie658 64M
1 post
5/20/2005 5:35 pm


thomasjeff 35M
3 posts
8/10/2005 12:54 am

i am a student too. i know exactly what you mean when you say you dont have time for a life. also i wear glasses too, and girls typically stay clear from guys with specs. but hey, why should that stop us from having fun. i think you've got the right idea. drop me a line some time.

rm_peterguti 48M
1 post
8/22/2008 7:00 am

Life without chanllanges would be boring you are a better person. It does matter what happen yesterday what matter what can happen today or tomorrow. Now you are in control of your destiny. Let me show a trick or too then you would understand the art of making love


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