|Blogs > MrsGreenhenky > Peeling me onions|
Mish Mash Moshy
Mish Mash Moshy
Och ahh has noticed yees all is lookin a bit down.Souse takes look at these ta brighten yer day fer sure.
Two rabbits, who have spent their whole lives in a laboratory, are set free one night by an animal activist. They run off into the countryside and come across a field of carrots. Instinct takes over: they get stuck in and start to eat all the carrots they can, until they fall asleep. The following night, they go into a field of cabbages. Again, they eat all they can and fall asleep. The night after that, they find a field full of lettuce, which, as before, they proceed to chomp through until they fall asleep. The next night they find themselves in a field full of lady rabbits, all of whom are willing partners. They do what comes naturally and embark upon an all-night shagging session. In the morning, the older rabbit decides he wants to return to the lab. ‘What the hell for?’ asks his pal. ‘We’ve had carrots, cabbages, lettuce and, best of all, those ladies last night. What’s your problem?’ ‘Life is sweet, I agree,’ says the older chap. ‘But the thing is, I’m dying for a fag!’
George the postman was on the final day of his job after 35 years of serving the same neighbourhood, come rain or shine. At his first house, he was greeted by the entire family applauding him, and sent on his way with a healthy gift envelope. At the second house, he was presented with a case of fine wine, at the third he left with a box of Havana cigars. At the fourth house, George was greeted by a beautiful blonde in a baby-doll nightie, who took him by the hand upstairs to the bedroom and treated him to the best sex of his life. Afterwards she led him to the kitchen and cooked him breakfast. As the stunning woman poured the coffee, the postie noticed a £1 coin next to his cup. ‘What’s the money for?’ he asked. ‘Oh,’ the woman replied. ‘Last night I told my husband that today was your last day, and I asked him what we should give you as a special treat. He said, “Fuck him. Give him a pound.” The breakfast was my idea.’
A man who has been shipwrecked on a desert island for several years is beginning to feel the effects of being starved of sex for so long. However, the only living creatures on the island are a pig and a dog. One day, the man decides he’s had enough and thinks to himself that it has to be the pig. But when he approaches the sow for his moment of passion, the dog bites the man’s backside. This continues for several days, and the man is beginning to get very frustrated. But one morning, the man’s luck changes: out to sea, he notices a beautiful young woman on the point of drowning. He swims over, drags her out on to the beach and proceeds to give her the kiss of life. The woman comes to and is very grateful. ‘Thank you so much,’ she says. ‘I will do anything for you, and I mean absolutely anything.’ The man can’t believe his luck and quickly replies, ‘You wouldn’t mind taking that bloody dog for a walk, would you?’
A very, very drunk man flops onto a bus seat next to a priest. His tie is stained, his face plastered with lipstick and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his trouser pocket. He opens his newspaper and starts reading, but after a few minutes turns to the priest and asks, ‘Hey, Father, do you have any idea what causes arthritis?’ ‘Yes,’ the priest replies sternly. ‘It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, drinking too much alcohol and having complete contempt for your fellow man.’ ‘Well, I’ll be damned,’ the drunk mutters, and returns to his paper. The bus carries on its way, and a few minutes later the priest, feeling guilty about what he has just said, nudges the man and apologizes to him. ‘I’m very sorry,’ says the holy man. ‘I didn’t mean to come on so strong. It was mean-spirited and inconsiderate of me. How long have you been suffering from arthritis?’ ‘I haven’t,’ says the drunk. ‘I was just reading here that the Pope has.’
The day arrived in the Vatican for the Pope’s annual physical ‒ and the Holy See were dismayed to hear he’d been diagnosed with a rare form of testicular cancer. A genito-urinary specialist was called and, after examination, told him the only cure is to have sex. After some thought, the Pope licked his dry lips and spoke. ‘I agree,’ he says. ‘But under four conditions.’ As uproar broke out, a single voice cried out from the hubbub: ‘And what are these conditions?’ The room stilled. There was a long pause, before the Pope croaked, almost inaudibly: ‘First, the girl must be blind, so she cannot see who I am.’ The cardinals nodded. ‘Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear who I am. And third she must be dumb so that if somehow identifies me, she can tell no one.’ The was another pregnant pause. ‘And the fourth condition?’ a Cardinal piped up. The Pope grinned. ‘Big tits.’
8/17/2005 3:37 pm
The Fith condition?|
A tight pussy???