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Greetings! Thanks for coming to my blog.
First off…I consider myself to be a good and honest, caring and loving individual…but I’d like to explain a few things so you’ll understand my dilemma, and what I'm about to do.
All my life…I’ve always had great disdain for married people that fool around on the side. People like Bill Clinton that tries to lie about it and gets caught, and so on. I've believed that people who take a vow of fidelity should stand by it, and not waiver from this commitment. But now that I’m older, and since I have been married to the same woman for 24 yrs. [in a row]…I’m beginning to understand these people better.
Secondly…I want you to know that I love the person that I am married to. I do not ever plan on leaving my marriage, as we’ve built a good life together. However I am bored with just one lover. I have been for many years now. She doesn’t have the same appetite for sex as I do. I’ve always known this about her, but still decided to take her as my life partner nevertheless…for all of the other good qualities she possesses.
We’re both busy professionals. We travel on business for our jobs, and therefore decided before we got married to NOT raise a family as children didn’t fit into our lifestyle. Her goal in life was to be a successful business person which also mirrored my goal. We didn’t believe that 2 busy traveling professionals would make good parents, and we didn’t expect to have our own parents raise our kids while we worked.
So here we are 24 yrs. later…we’ve accumulated and achieved what we set out to do, and have no regrets about that part. But honestly, my only regret is that I didn’t know just how dissatisfied I would be with making love to just one woman. Yeah, I know I promised to God and all of the witnesses in the church that I would be loyal and faithful…and I have been… and I’ve been proud of this. But now I’m questioning if we humans are wired and really built to live like that. I believe that us men are animals…like wild lions in the jungle ready to pounce on every beautiful female that looks our way. Also, did I take the vow because that was a tradition that was forced upon me by others? I didn’t think about that at the time when I was in my early twenties…but now that I’m older and wiser…I am. I don’t want to be on my death bed saying to myself…”Geeez, I only wished that I could have felt the passion and the touch of more women in my sexual lifetime.” Also, our society has looked down upon cheaters…but other societies, like the Europeans, have for many years found it acceptable for both husband and wives to have misters and mistresses. Even the Mormon’s practiced polygamy. Even in Zoology there is a mating pattern in which a single individual mates with more than one individual of the opposite sex. Anyway, this is where I’m at in this chapter in my life…thinking about this kind of stuff, and continuing on my journey to experience happiness in life. Call me “scum” if you will…or “Mr. Midlife Crisis” I guess..but this is how I feel. I know I am not alone either.
I do not want to hurt my wife by cheating on her, and I am conflicted by doing so on a moral and ethical level. I don’t want to live life with a guilty conscience either…but I don’t want to be sexually dissatisfied either. Therein lies my dilemma.
More on this later. Any of your inputs would be appreciated…chime in at will!
7/17/2006 8:47 pm
I understand what you are going through...but like you I have been married to the same person for 21 years...but the difference is that my husband has always cheated on me, yes and I have stayed...I was raised in a very strict catholic italian family...and my father said to stay no matter what....well I decided since I'm not sleeping with him or anyone else ..that I want more in my life...Life is too damn short...and we all need to remember that...so...make sure this is the thing you want to do...I have not met too many honest men on this site....but really I still have to remember this site is only for sex....not for any kind of meaningful relationship...right? Linda|