Knee Jerk Reactions  

Miss_Morrigan 52F
8 posts
4/27/2006 1:15 pm

Last Read:
4/28/2006 11:15 am

Knee Jerk Reactions

They are understandable, we've all experienced them. We make snap judgements daily, it is part of our survival to do so and many factors have to be taken into consideration. When we formulate any kind of opinion, we are aware (or perhaps not) that our upbringing, environment, religious beliefs, education and experiences are contributory factors. We're taught not to venture outside the 'norm', that it could be potentially hazardous to our well-being should we do so, that there's a definite line between 'right' and 'wrong', that anyone/anything different has to be rebuked, afterall, they're different for a reason and that reason, conformity tends to dictate, must be harmful, and anyone who does have different perceptions must automatically be nuts.

Yesterday I received an email by a member of this site (shame on you for attacking me and yet cowardly blocked me from responding) who stated that for me to have the interests I do I must be a 'man hater', that what I was doing was wrong in his opinion. Thankfully, those are his and not mine, and certainly not those of my present lover/sub and those I have had the pleasure of engaging previously.

It is natural for people to be afraid of something they don't know about, if it's outside their realm of experience/knowledge then naturally they can only perceive such things as unhealthy/dangerous, perhaps even abusive. By being closed-minded we miss out on a tremendous amount and our ignorance tends to breed more of the same.

To clarify a few things for those who are not only sceptical but insistent that BDSM practitioners are 'sick' or 'dangerous' here are a few of my thoughts:

The term BDSM is an umbrella term used to describe interest/s in a number of human related behaviours which can include basic power exchange (ie dominance and submission which most relationships regardless of sexual orientation fall into) and sadomasochism. As far as I'm concerned, there's an element of SM in every relationship, from the very mild to the more extreme forms. Even a loving swipe on the backside by a husband to his wife constitutes a mild form of SM, as well as D/s. The emphasis in all exchanges is on CONSENT, otherwise it is abuse and the latter is nothing I will be a party to.

While sadomasochism remains listed in the DSM-IV, for a person to be diagnosed with a mental illness their sexual urges/behaviour must cause a clinically significant impairment in their every day functioning. May I remind you that homosexuality was also considered a disorder in which people who engaged in this 'dysfunctional' behaviour were regularly tortured/incarcerated until latter decades when it was recognised as another sexuality.

Each one of us has dominant/submissive traits, we could not co-exist in a society unless we utilised them effectively. The difference here is that BDSMers choose to do so on a more personal/sexual level, (although that doesn't mean that a bdsm exchange has to be sexual), developing those traits to enhance their interaction with others.

"It's wrong to inflict pain on a person." Yes, it is, if done without consent. Ever looked at a mother's face while breastfeeding that child whose teeth are coming through only to see the ecstasy etched there on her face? The same can be said of a woman who has just given birth. Or the couple who are in the throes of passion, where their rough love-making has become so intense that they don't feel those splinters from broken furniture or a sliver of glass that has nicked on/both of them as they writhed in exquisite pleasure...and if they did feel those splinters/fragments of glass perhaps they served only to fuel their sexual aggression. Why? The release of endorphins in our bodies which gives us that tremendous high. These highs are recreated using various physical sensations to trigger the desired reactions in those being interacted with. The desired reactions depend on both persons state of mind, and whether fetishes are introduced into play is up to the individuals involved.

Is there abuse? In some cases, yes. We're all human, we're all fallible to some degree and abuse tends not to be restricted to one party, usually both are as abusive as one another if that is a feature of their relationship and it is no more prevalent in BDSM relationships than it is in those termed 'vanilla'.

whatulike2006 44M

4/27/2006 1:55 pm

Well, to comment on what you're saying. If you're on this site and any other site similar, you can't judge anybody. Because this site as well as others have people who are seeking things that others wish they could be so bold to seek. So the member who stated the rude comments to you and blocked you from responding is truly a coward, because true men stand up to hear the good and bad.

Miss_Morrigan 52F

4/27/2006 4:14 pm

Hello, whatulike. I don't have a problem with anyone discussing an issue that interests them even if it means their opinions differ to mine, I do have a problem with people who with little to no actual information make an ill-informed assumption only to act on it negatively by behaving in a manner similar to what they are accusing others of...

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