Form Letter  

MissAnnThrope 56F
11679 posts
7/6/2006 5:27 am

Last Read:
7/10/2006 8:59 am

Form Letter

After getting yet another form letter this morning from someone who didn't bother to read my profile, I sent him a form letter in return. I am presenting what I sent here. I am open to comments and suggestions, as this is a first draft. Once the final draft is done, I will offer this up as free domain to anyone who wants to use it.

Thank you for your letter. Sadly, I regret to inform you you are not a match because (check all that apply):

[ ] I have no interest in men who send form letters.

[ ] It is obvious you never read a word of my profile.

[ ] I don't date men your age.

[ ] I don't date married men.

[ ] I don't date men with no face pics.

[ ] I don't date men with no pics.

[ ] I don't date men with something to hide.

[ ] I don't date men who don't fully fill out the chart questions.

I do wish you good luck in your search for a sperm-burping gutter slut.

Sincerely,

MissAnn

Comments? Suggestions?


EroticaXTC 50F

7/6/2006 6:32 am

sperm-burping gutter slut..ROFLMAO!!!
You've definitely hit the key notes


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:32 am:
Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

DIVISION77 39M
8324 posts
7/6/2006 7:12 am

I think that sums it up perfectly, Ann.

Love that kick at the end, though.

You took the words right out of his mouth with the "gutter slut" dig.

He never saw it coming.

DIV

"My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:33 am:
Thanks, Div. I went by his profile, actually and added a few things to the form that didn't apply, to make it look like I've sent it out before.

TechSteve 49M

7/6/2006 7:35 am

I think it looks good.

When you are done, it would be a good idea to put a link to it at the top of your blog.

Once you make it available to everybody, people can modify it or add things to suit them such as "I dont date people with cock pics".

Steve


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:34 am:
oooh! He had one headless torso and four dick pics. I never thought of that, I guess I'm so jaded where they're concerned I hardly notice anymore. But he told me to go to his profile and see if he was my type. No face pic!

TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/6/2006 7:58 am

I do wish you good luck in your search for a sperm-burping gutter slut.
I know this is just like Erotica's comment, but that is just too funny, lol.


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:39 am:
Hey, he was looking for a "girl" who swallows in his profile. So it seemed fitting.

cuteNEway 41F

7/6/2006 8:09 am

Before the closing sperm-burping gutter slut sentence, (where DID you come up with that ) you can add: You must meet the following requirements (check all that apply)

[]a brain
[]common sense
[]morals
[]a sense of humor
[]a sense of grammar
[]teeth
[]_____________[insert other missing quality here]


tee hee


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:39 am:
Heh heh heh... Those are good additions.

readytolay_3
(What the fuck is this shit..?? *rolls eyes*)
105F

7/6/2006 9:08 am

Excellent and long over due as I have received the same form e-mails and Have tired in just deleting and blocking these LAZY fucks. And may I add "I don't date NON-Female Units with the I.Q. below that of a piece of card broad"...... "sperm-burping gutter slut" You have out done your self on that one MissAnn...LMAO.....Ready

Ready


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:44 am:
Oh, I loved it when my ex-roomie and I would compare email. We would get the same exact email from the same exact men. It was very amusing.

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
7/6/2006 9:50 am

LOL! I have modified my autoresponse to read, "Your message has encountered a fatal error due to failure to read the recipient's profile." What I love are the guys who send the same email two or three times trying to get through ...


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:48 am:
Oh, I had to modify my autoreply to say, "This is an autoreply." It used to just say, "Thanks, I'll get back to you if you're my type." Some imbecile took GREAT offense to that and kept writing. The first one was to tell me what a bitch I was. All the others were to tell me to stop writing to him. I wasn't! He kept getting the autoreply! I had to report it to abuse, so they wouldn't think I was harassing the guy.

Shelly_Marie 44F

7/6/2006 10:57 am

kelli, yes I have had that, and I have had them wait a while and then make other profiles just to try and email me. This one guy did that 3 times if I remember correctly.


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:50 am:
Sure it was the same guy? A secret cabal of men could be on here, sharing their form letters.

Shelly_Marie 44F

7/6/2006 10:58 am

miss, you could add:

[]I have no interest in men who send one-liner emails
[]No! I dont want to call you.

those are two that I can think of off-hand.


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:50 am:
Hey, that and, "No, I don't want to give you my IM name so you can harass me until I have to call the cops!"

RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
7/6/2006 1:24 pm

Yeah, you better add the I don't date gay men thing. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:51 am:
Now Joe... How do you know until you've tried? *ducks*

SmallTightKitty2 105F

7/6/2006 3:18 pm

I do wish you good luck in your search for a sperm-burping gutter slut.
LMAO......FUNNY!!! Miss Ann you need to be doing stand up comedy!


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:53 am:
Thanks Kitty. But that wasn't my line originally. There used to be a website that had the Dysfunctional Family Circus. The webmaster would put up panels from "The Family Circus" and we would all caption them. Someone came up with calling Thel that and it stuck. I still can't look at that cartoon in the paper without seeing Bil as gay, Thel and Dolly as hookers, Billy as their pimp, Jeffy, well, let's not go there and PJ trying to escape them all.

NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
7/6/2006 3:52 pm

That would work perfectly.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:54 am:
Thanks Nick.

CantonOhCouple 60M/60F
553 posts
7/6/2006 4:08 pm

Um, er, ah ...

A little harsh?


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:56 am:
Not at all. He told me to check out the pictures on his profile and see if I was his type. His face was blurred out on the one full naked pic and the other pics were all dick pics. If I'm meeting someone, what am I going to do? Say, "drop em, buddy, I want to see if it's you, so I have to examine your dick?" No. Then, he wants a "girl" who will swallow? I think what I wrote was quite apt.

popmuse01 35F

7/6/2006 4:43 pm

Nice ending...though I do have to add some grammar correction. Original statement is in red, corrections are in blue...

''I don't date men with no face pics.
I don't date men with no pics.''



I don't date men who don't have face pics on profile.
I don't date men without ANY pics whatsoever on their profile.


Hope that helps!!!

BTW...love that term gutter slut

I'm leaving the site end of March. To those who want to keep in touch, see blog for details.


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:57 am:
Duly notied. I was writing as fast as I could at that point and it was early. Not enough caffeine pulsing through my veins. My heart was at a normal rate.

flagg134 36M
1582 posts
7/6/2006 4:53 pm

Hilarious need to add

[] Write emails with the subject or text containing "wanna fuck"
[] Write cheesy erotic stories in lieu of an email.

RF


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 7:01 am:
Heh. My eyes glaze over with the bad erotic stories that are written so badly, they'd be rejected by "Penthouse Letters." I hit delete and laugh.

I had one guy in the chat room one day tell me he was going to send me a "special" email and let me know if I liked it. It was an erotic story he obviously sends to all women and of course, the woman is used, tied up, treated like a piece of meat and not an equal partner. It was all about his dick, not my pleasure. I went back in the room and asked him why he thought I would like something like that and didn't he read my profile. I was instantly a bitter bitch who couldn't get a man if I tried.

Well, with his mail in my inbox, I noticed something interesting. One day when I checked mail, it said he was 41. The next day, he was 24. Etc. He was changing his age for every woman he was writing to! Yet he claims to be a college professor. I guess he means at clown college.

real36CgirlPA 38F

7/6/2006 5:36 pm

[]I don't date men who can email me 2x in one week but haven't updated their profile in at least 2 years.

That one always gets me because these same guys bitch when they don't get responses back. I guess since they don't look at our profiles we aren't supposed to pay attention to theirs either?


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 7:05 am:
Oh, I love the men who did their profiles 5 years ago, saying, "I'm a 36 year old man who loves fun!" and they're now 41 and it's reflected. There was one in chat this morning, HornyTeen something or other, who is now 24. But nope, he's not going to change his handle. We're just supposed to realize he's not a teenager anymore. Idiots abound here, I swear.

TheLilFondler 33F  
2576 posts
7/6/2006 8:50 pm

    Quoting popmuse01:
    Nice ending...though I do have to add some grammar correction. Original statement is in red, corrections are in blue...

    ''I don't date men with no face pics.
    I don't date men with no pics.''

    I don't date men who don't have face pics on profile.
    I don't date men without ANY pics whatsoever on their profile.

    Hope that helps!!!

    BTW...love that term gutter slut
remember who we are dealing with... they might not understand it if it is in proper grammer

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 7:05 am:
Half of them don't even understand simple, monosyllabic words in English, such as no.

MillsShipsGayly 51M

7/7/2006 7:53 am

Another potential AUTOREPLY:

Thanks for applying to this important and well compensated role. Your email will be run through our automated match software and should there be a fit, the computer will prompt you for additional responses to a more detailed questionaire.

The computer and I wish you well. And remember, don't call us, we'll call you. In fact if you do make it to the last round, we'll also use your credit card for a few small purchases. You won't even notice them.


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:03 pm:
Can I use that?

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
7/7/2006 9:20 am

    Quoting MillsShipsGayly:
    Another potential AUTOREPLY:

    Thanks for applying to this important and well compensated role. Your email will be run through our automated match software and should there be a fit, the computer will prompt you for additional responses to a more detailed questionaire.

    The computer and I wish you well. And remember, don't call us, we'll call you. In fact if you do make it to the last round, we'll also use your credit card for a few small purchases. You won't even notice them.
LMAO!!!! Unfortunately, that would get me banned.

MissAnn, if a guy doesn't have the brains to understand the concept of an autoreply, just block him.


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:04 pm:
Kelli, this was a few years ago. I don't think the block feature was in place then. Not to mention, it was amusing. It took him three days to stop!

digdug41 49M

7/7/2006 10:06 am

I guess he got the point now

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:04 pm:
Ah, yes I think he did. He stopped writing to tell me to leave him alone once that was in place.

concupiscentKid 40M

7/7/2006 3:42 pm

So where are all these slack-jawed jizz gurgling cum drunk
sperm burping gutter sluts?


MissAnnThrope replies on 7/7/2006 6:05 pm:
In the imaginations of the guys who believe what they see in porn.

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