|Blogs > MissAnnThrope > Misanthropic Ramblings|
A Performance Piece
A Performance Piece
I couldn't resist. I slipped into a troll handle and IMed the scammer I told you all about two posts back. As a gay man. Yes, what I suspected years ago is true. I am a true Internet performance artist.
I'm posting my IM session with him in its entirety. Yes, I managed to confuse him all sorts of ways. I apologize in advance to anyone who hates stereotypes. I emulated every raging queen who was a stereotype that I ever knew in my life. Now, if homosexual content bothers you, you shouldn't read this, as I did get a tiny bit vulgar. But otherwise, enjoy the show.
Session Start (gayman4u2c:jimmy_peters1): Mon Jun 19 21:57:13 2006
[21:57] gayman4u2c: Hi sexy
[21:57] gayman4u2c: You wrote to a friend on AdultFriendFinder and since you're gay and in denial, she gave me your name.
[21:58] gayman4u2c: Don't be shy. I saw you starting to type.
[21:58] jimmy_peters1: plz were are you from
[21:58] gayman4u2c: New York City.
[21:59] jimmy_peters1: m or F
[21:59] gayman4u2c: What do you think, tiger? Your profile on AdultFriendFinder says your gay.
[22:00] jimmy_peters1: am a gay also
[22:00] gayman4u2c: Yeah?
[22:00] gayman4u2c: Cool!
[22:00] jimmy_peters1: plz ur name
[22:01] gayman4u2c: Bruce.
[22:01] jimmy_peters1: M OR F
[22:01] gayman4u2c: I told you, sugarbuns. I'm a gay man.
[22:01] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:02] jimmy_peters1: how are you doing
[22:02] gayman4u2c: I'm super! Thanks for asking.
[22:02] gayman4u2c: How are you?
[22:03] jimmy_peters1: am cool here also
[22:03] gayman4u2c: Well, it's hot here. Hot gets me horny.
[22:03] gayman4u2c: Are you a top or a bottom?
[22:04] jimmy_peters1: here is cool
[22:04] jimmy_peters1: plz are u on phone
[22:04] gayman4u2c: Here it's hot and humid.
[22:04] gayman4u2c: No, I'm not giving my number out to the first queen I meet. And international calls are expensive.
[22:04] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:05] jimmy_peters1: also can you call me
[22:05] gayman4u2c: I just told you, Mary. We can chat here for now.
[22:05] gayman4u2c: Are you ever going to tell me if you're a top or a bottom?
[22:06] jimmy_peters1: i did not understand that
[22:06] gayman4u2c: And you say you're gay.
[22:06] gayman4u2c: I bet you're just another scammer out to make a fast buck.
[22:07] jimmy_peters1: plz what is all this
[22:07] gayman4u2c: What is all what?
[22:07] jimmy_peters1: so you call me a scammer
[22:08] jimmy_peters1: ding
[22:08] gayman4u2c: I'm saying if you don't know what top and bottom means and you claim to be from Washington State and are living in Nigeria, then yes. Are you going to prove me wrong, sugar britches?
[22:09] jimmy_peters1: ohh okay
[22:10] jimmy_peters1: i was in usa for about 5 mount visite me friend
[22:10] jimmy_peters1: also am from nigeria
[22:10] gayman4u2c: So you're not really from Washington? Like your profile says?
[22:11] gayman4u2c: Because if we hit it off, I was going to suggest we set up house in Boston, where we can live in wedded bliss for the rest of our lives.
[22:12] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:12] gayman4u2c: Boston is expensive though. What do you do for a living? I'm a waiter.
[22:13] jimmy_peters1: am doing fine
[22:14] gayman4u2c: I mean, what's your job? Your occupation? How do you earn your keep?
[22:14] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:15] jimmy_peters1: am selling electronics
[22:15] gayman4u2c: What kind?
[22:16] gayman4u2c: Does this mean you can get a good deal on a Sony 45" flat screen TV for our love nest?
[22:16] jimmy_peters1: phone ,laptop,
[22:17] jimmy_peters1: dvd, tv
[22:17] gayman4u2c: Yeah? What brands?
[22:17] jimmy_peters1: and meny more
[22:18] gayman4u2c: Brand names, Mary. I don't want some off brand in our love nest.
[22:18] gayman4u2c: I want top of the line for us.
[22:18] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:18] jimmy_peters1: did you need any one of it
[22:19] gayman4u2c: Of course I do! I just told you, I want the huge Sony for us!
[22:19] gayman4u2c: So we can watch gay porn on a screen so big, it's like they're really in the room with us!
[22:19] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:21] jimmy_peters1: ding
[22:22] gayman4u2c: Don't you be dinging at me unless you plan on sucking it.
[22:22] gayman4u2c: Now, what brands of electronics do you sell?
[22:22] jimmy_peters1: i have SONYY
[22:23] jimmy_peters1: HP
[22:23] jimmy_peters1: SAMSONG
[22:23] gayman4u2c: Sony or Sonyy? I know those off brands LOOOOVE to use similar names.
[22:23] jimmy_peters1: SONY
[22:24] gayman4u2c: OK, tiger. Don't get all pissy with me.
[22:24] jimmy_peters1: how many did you nned
[22:25] jimmy_peters1: how meny did you need
[22:25] gayman4u2c: Well, we need a big screen TV, at least 45 inches, but I'm thinking 60 inches for the living room/den of iniquity.
[22:25] gayman4u2c: We could probably use a smaller one for the bedroom too.
[22:25] gayman4u2c: But only if you like gay porn. Do you like gay porn too?
[22:25] gayman4u2c: I hope you're a bottom.
[22:26] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:26] gayman4u2c: So you like gay porn?
[22:26] jimmy_peters1: then how are you going to get it now from here
[22:26] gayman4u2c: I like the classics. Like Jeffrey Stryker.
[22:26] jimmy_peters1: yeah
[22:26] jimmy_peters1: u
[22:27] gayman4u2c: You mean, you can't send it to me?
[22:27] jimmy_peters1: yeah
[22:27] jimmy_peters1: are you with cam there
[22:28] gayman4u2c: This is our first date. It's too early for us to have cam sex.
[22:28] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:28] gayman4u2c: How big is your dick?
[22:29] jimmy_peters1: was okay
[22:29] jimmy_peters1: so big
[22:29] gayman4u2c: How big is so big? Hung like an angry squirrel or hung like King Kong?
[22:30] jimmy_peters1: hung like King Kong
[22:31] gayman4u2c: ooooh...... I'll have to use both hands when I give you the reach around!
[22:31] jimmy_peters1: realy
[22:32] gayman4u2c: Oh yeah, baby. Think I can get my mouth over it to suck it, before I fuck your ass with my nice, thick, long dick?
[22:33] jimmy_peters1: i think's was so nice
[22:33] gayman4u2c: Are you cut or uncut?
[22:33] jimmy_peters1: as how
[22:34] gayman4u2c: Circumcised or not? Your King Kong of a dong!
[22:34] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:35] jimmy_peters1: Circumcized
[22:35] gayman4u2c: Oh good. I hate smegma dicks and I won't suck them.
[22:35] jimmy_peters1: really
[22:35] gayman4u2c: Yes. Foreskins are useless.
[22:36] jimmy_peters1: plz i will be back in nest 2minute
[22:36] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:36] gayman4u2c: OK, lover.
[22:36] jimmy_peters1: nice
[22:43] jimmy_peters1: ding
[22:43] jimmy_peters1: am back
[22:44] gayman4u2c: Hi
[22:44] jimmy_peters1: okay
[22:45] gayman4u2c: Where were we?
[22:45] gayman4u2c: Oh yeah... I was about to spread your sweet cheeks and drive my cock into your ass.
[22:45] gayman4u2c: On our wedding night, of course.
[22:46] jimmy_peters1: oh ohh
[22:46] jimmy_peters1: i know that
[22:46] gayman4u2c: Good. I hope you're a virgin. Are you?
[22:47] jimmy_peters1: yeah
[22:47] gayman4u2c: Really? Just your ass? Because your AdultFriendFinder profile says you're divorced.
[22:47] gayman4u2c: I think it's great you're coming out and giving up women.
[22:48] jimmy_peters1: very great
[22:49] gayman4u2c: Wave that rainbow flag high!
[22:49] gayman4u2c: So, where are you from originally?
[22:50] gayman4u2c: ding
[22:53] jimmy_peters1: african nigeria
[22:53] gayman4u2c: I thought you had left me, lover.
[22:53] gayman4u2c: For a woman or something.
[22:54] jimmy_peters1: am with u
[22:55] gayman4u2c: Only me? You're taking so long between responses.
[22:55] jimmy_peters1: did you like it like that
[22:55] jimmy_peters1: i think was nice
[22:56] jimmy_peters1: plz let me know how you feel about
[22:57] gayman4u2c: Like what?
[22:57] jimmy_peters1: orie yi sha
[22:57] jimmy_peters1: baba e
[22:58] gayman4u2c: I know about the Orishas
[22:58] jimmy_peters1: abey
[22:59] jimmy_peters1: how did u know that
[22:59] gayman4u2c: One of my old boyfriends is a Santero.
[22:59] jimmy_peters1: okay
[23:00] gayman4u2c: We still talk. So you had better be up front with me.
[23:00] jimmy_peters1: is the told you about
[23:00] gayman4u2c: No. A woman you wrote to told me about you. She saw you were gay and a hot, black man and she knew you were right up my alley.
[23:00] gayman4u2c: And that I'd be fucking your ass in no time.
[23:01] jimmy_peters1: poyoyo
[23:02] jimmy_peters1: oobi
[23:02] gayman4u2c: I don't speak the language, my hershey highway baby.
[23:03] jimmy_peters1: plz what did you whant from me
[23:04] gayman4u2c: I want to make you mine.
[23:04] gayman4u2c: I want to marry you.
[23:04] jimmy_peters1: u are a man, am also a man
[23:04] gayman4u2c: We can do that in Massachusetts. And your profile DID say you were a GAY MAN.
[23:05] jimmy_peters1: so you like to fuck a man like you
[23:06] gayman4u2c: Are you kidding? I love it!
[23:06] gayman4u2c: I love to suck dick too. I can't wait to get my mouth on yours.
[23:06] jimmy_peters1: okay
[23:07] jimmy_peters1: plz can you come to my country
[23:07] gayman4u2c: Are you going to buy me a ticket?
[23:07] gayman4u2c: I work as a waiter, Fabio. I can't afford a plane ticket.
[23:08] jimmy_peters1: okay
[23:08] gayman4u2c: Yeah?
[23:08] gayman4u2c: You're going to buy me a plane ticket?
[23:08] gayman4u2c: I wonder if I can get a passport.
[23:09] jimmy_peters1: but like how mush with you
[23:09] gayman4u2c: How much what?
[23:09] gayman4u2c: I am a Queen, I should fly first class. Not steerage.
[23:09] jimmy_peters1: okay
[23:10] jimmy_peters1: i will call my agent to know how mush are going to spend okay
[23:11] jimmy_peters1: ding
[23:11] gayman4u2c: Well, from JFK to wherever you are, baby doll.
[23:11] gayman4u2c: ding
[23:11] gayman4u2c: right back at ya
[23:11] jimmy_peters1: o
[23:11] gayman4u2c: ?
[23:13] gayman4u2c: Where did you go, lover?
[23:13] jimmy_peters1: am here with you
[23:13] gayman4u2c: You're not very chatty, Cathy.
[23:13] gayman4u2c: I'm starting to think you don't love me.
[23:13] jimmy_peters1: i love u honey
[23:14] gayman4u2c: awwwww...... My cock just jumped in my pants!
[23:14] jimmy_peters1: also like how mush with u as at now
[23:14] gayman4u2c: awwwww....... You're going to make me cream my jeans!
[23:17] gayman4u2c: ding
[23:17] gayman4u2c: ding
[23:17] jimmy_peters1: ding
[23:17] jimmy_peters1: also like how mush with u as at now
[23:17] gayman4u2c: You're talking to other men. I can feel it.
[23:22] gayman4u2c: Mary?
[23:22] gayman4u2c: Where did you go?
[23:24] gayman4u2c: You don't love me!
[23:25] gayman4u2c: You liar!
[23:25] gayman4u2c: You scammer!
[23:25] gayman4u2c: I knew you were a scammer the instant I heard Nigeria. Now you're just proving it!
Session Close (jimmy_peters1): Mon Jun 19 23:25:19 2006
I know. I have too much time on my hands. But it was fun. I was dying to pursue the bit about the plane ticket, so I could tell him Bruce was on the No-Fly list. I so confused the poor guy. But I have a feeling that someone told him what a bottom is when it comes to gay sex. In his own language.
It sort of bothered me when he slipped into his own language. He's obviously Yoruba and Lagos, where most of the scammers are from, is right by the states of Oyo, Ogun and Osun. Names of three of the Orishas. Which is why I told him an ex was a Santero. To scare him. Just in case he was trying to curse me or something.
I was disappointed that he stopped talking. I wanted to see how long I could keep him going. He seems to be a bit of an amateur scammer, he admitted he was a native of Nigeria. They never do that. Then again, these scammers are mostly teenagers who are being paid to sit in Internet cafes all day and have as many conversations going as possible. To scam the unsuspecting out of their hard earned money. A boss does keep watch over them, too.
Now, all those dings... The site made me remove the brackets from around them. But they love to ding you if you're not talking fast enough. But if you do it to them...
Poor Bruce. I just know he was thrown over for an unsuspecting woman.
6/20/2006 4:55 am
WHOA how did you learn so much about this shit..??.. Ready|
"It sort of bothered me when he slipped into his own language. He's obviously Yoruba and Lagos, where most of the scammers are from, is right by the states of Oyo, Ogun and Osun. Names of three of the Orishas. Which is why I told him an ex was a Santero. To scare him. Just in case he was trying to curse me or something."
Girl I am fucking impressed..DAMN YOUR GOOD
6/20/2006 7:30 am
I tried him but he didnt answer.
Methinks you wore him out, you old top, you!
Wunnerfull stuff, you can be my leatherbear any time.
6/20/2006 8:15 am
You are just too funny. More, I want more!!! What a way to start my morning, thanks. |
6/20/2006 10:08 am
LMAO!! You are brilliant. How do you know all that Africa stuff? since nearly all the taxi drivers are from Nigeria, I guess if someone rode in taxis enough, they could learn alot of this. lol |
Before the no call list was started, I would pull shit like that on telemarketers. Their script doesn't prepare those guys for a guy to be hitting on them hot and heavy. lol
Good post. Glad you have the time to do this. lol
6/20/2006 10:25 am
"IM SUPER, THANKS FOR ASKING" Gee I wonder where you got that one now you have that song stuck in my head I havent laughed that hard in awhile thanks for the entertainment |
6/20/2006 2:28 pm
he seems to have gotten a lot more than he bargained for.....|
6/20/2006 4:06 pm
It's kind of strange that the handle you picked wasn't in use already...considering some of the ones that are.|
6/20/2006 4:17 pm
Isn't fun to confuse the confused?|
6/20/2006 4:41 pm
lol...that was fun to read. I should write up a stellar review for you in Online Performance Artist Magazine |
I almost pity the fool. You bent him right over!
6/20/2006 5:01 pm
LOL I love it!! It's like the prank calls I occasionally do. LOL|
Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?
6/21/2006 3:59 pm
6/21/2006 6:11 pm
*grin* I'm amused that he gave up. Did you ever hear the 419 song, by the way? It was a big hit in Nigeria. It's actually quite catchy.|
6/22/2006 2:17 pm
That was awesome I can't imagine what you do to the telemarketers who call your house. Great material.|
6/22/2006 6:25 pm
I found a copy on teh intarwebs. I will track it down for you and let you know what the google keywords were.|
6/22/2006 6:34 pm
OK, success. But it's a slow download, 16 MB to the tune of about 6 KB/s, so you'll have time for a nice cup of tea with the psychic fern.|
The mighty Google came through on the first hit for "I go chop your dollar" and antville
7/2/2006 8:30 pm
I have a friend that was having a conversation in IM with a scammer not long ago too...I told her to report it to the FBI's website for internet fraud.|
10/2/2007 5:57 pm
Dying over here, I cant even read it its sooo silly.|
Thanks for the giggle!