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What Poly Means in the Glass House
What Poly Means in the Glass House
I am not an expert on this topic in the traditional, learned sense. Actually, there are VERY few topics upon which I could discourse with the experts and not totally get my ass kicked. I am a well-rounded woman (no pun on my curves intended) and I will converse freely on many topics to a certain degree; hey I know when to jump ship. However, despite what recent therapists might claim, I am the ONLY expert on what goes on in my OWN head. So, that's what this blog will be based upon, what is in my head...all good therapy involves some self-justification, right??
This might be a new approach or way of explaining the topic of being poly-amorous. Maybe not, for all I know, there could have been volumes written on the idea, but I assure you, if there are, I haven't read them. So, it's my perspective and nobody else has to believe it.
Foundation for the argument: I am a mom and I have two children. As most parents can understand, I love both my kids. I have never claimed (even to them) that I love them "the same." It simply is not true. Please notice I deliberately did not use the term "equally" in my claim of loving them either. Just like in geometry class, no two triangles are ever EQUAL...they are said to be congruent, why? Because to be truly equal, they would have to be the same triangle. Even as an English major I understood that mathematical concept...two triangles cannot be equal to one triangle, or something like that.
It is the same with my kids. I cannot love them equally because they are not the SAME. In fact, very little about them is the same. Same mom and dad and that is where most of the similarities end. Yet, no one would argue with me that I don't love BOTH my kids. I love them congruently. So congruently, in fact, I cannot love one more than the other. Yet I do love them separately and differently, but neither is more, neither is less.
In my life, being poly-amorous is much the same FOR ME. By this term, I do not mean blindly messing around with as many people as possible. I don't mean getting another notch on my lipstick case every chance I get. I am not into acquiring lovers like some people collect the movie stubs for every movie they have even seen.
What I do mean is that there are (currently) two very special men in my life and I care for them congruently. I care for them differently, separately, but not equally. I care for both (avoiding always the traditional "L" word here) as a direct result of who they are as wonderful people. My deep emotion for each of them separately really has nothing to do with the deep emotion I feel for the other. Here is my point: CARING for one person does NOT detract from the CARE and CONCERN one may have for another person. Just like loving my daughter does not take away from the love I have for my son. Or, loving one friend does not mean I love another friend any less.
Ah, you say, but mature, romantic love is different; it is meant to be monogamous. There is SEX involved (woo hoo)and all the complications of a sexual relationship! Yet, loving more than one person does not preclude loving another in any other aspect of our lives, so why should it in our romantic and/or physical sex life?
Yes, being poly-amorous is non-traditional. Yes, it breaks some of the rules and what we as a society have been taught. Do those two caveats mean the basic premise is untrue, however? Absolutely not. I love more than one person in my life. So, that's why I am an expert. In fact, it has been my personal experience that the MORE you demonstrate love in your life, the more love comes back to you. Love does not detract from love; quite to the contrary, love builds upon love and adds to one's ability to give of one's heart freely, without jealousy, envy, mistrust, resentment, or setting boundaries around LOVE. Isn't that what we all desire? To love and be loved? Well, that's what my head and my heart say. That's why I can, and do, love more than one person.