Heal Thyself  

MischiefSprite 53F
501 posts
7/15/2006 9:56 am

Last Read:
8/16/2006 1:58 pm

Heal Thyself

You may have heard the saying, "Physician, heal thyself." I am not a physician. Hell, I don't even play one on TV. However, I will admit the irony and maybe even hypocrisy of this blog right off the bat. I know I need to heal myself. The fact that I can see in others the same malady compounds the issue for me. That's my disclaimer and I'm sticking to it (at least until the end of this blog; still with me?)

I have a very wonderful friend in our local chatroom. I think we are real friends, not just acquaintances who happen to bump into each other in chat and in real life at meet and greets. I have observed a certain behavior that I recognize all too well. It's self-deprecation.... for you anti-multi-syllabic folks out there, I mean she puts herself down. She does it in an oblique way, however. It's cute. It seems humble, even modest. So it disturbs me even more.

She IS a wonderful person. I know her to be kind and loving and fun. I want to tell her to stop believing what society teaches women from such a young age, namely, that you are not whole without a male partner. You are not "successful" as a woman unless you are in a monogamous relationship with a seemingly devoted male partner. No, this is NOT about being bi-sexual or even a lesbian (future blog?), but rather the idea that we MUST have a man to validate us and make us feel special and if we are currently "between" partners, there is something wrong with us. We are lessened somehow.

Bullshit. That's what I want to say to her. That's what I want to say to myself. She is wonderful and special with or without a man. Yet, the desire to love and be loved and have a beloved is so strong that I almost don't believe these statements myself. I want to be like Holden Caufield from "Catcher in the Rye" and save her from going off the cliff. Like Holden, that need to love and be loved is so strong it helped him keep what little sanity he had left.

I want to help my friend and heal her too. Maybe even heal myself in the process. I know it is about self-esteem, self-worth and respect. I think those qualities can only come from within, so we need to stop looking to others to validate us. Men should stop manipulating and taking advantage of this perceived weakness within us and WE would ALL be profoundly happier and healthier. Maybe even loved better and more completely, monogamous or not.

"If a body meet a body coming through the rye," there is no limit to the wonders we might experience.

In the meantime, I'll keep loving her as my ladybug friend and keep trying to convince her (and myself) we are special and worthy of men who see us for who we really are and NOT what we can give to them.

julian_11372 44M  

7/15/2006 11:32 am

Great sentiments in here! Of course, the more strongly you feel about healing your friend, the more likely it is that we really are talking about you healing yourself.

One thing: I think women and men are both capable of that kind of manipulation. I also think that way more often than not, the manipulation is a result of learned behavior and limited capabilities, not intentional malice.

Last thing: forget convincing anyone that you're worthy of men. Just aim to be worthy of yourself. Men are easy -- that mean voice in your head isn't.

damseldistress8 45F

7/16/2006 2:11 pm

To your LadyBug friend,
I'm sure she knows,
how wonderful life is
yes sometimes it blows.

Life is full of space,
full of time,
it does not
cost a dime.

A smile, a laughter,
and a tear,
she thinks it's funny
to have a musketeer.

It is a part
of existence,
and with it success
life wanted with persistence.

To be what she is
She has her reasons
and she does it
all throughout the seasons.

through it she discovers
that she has loving friends
and so the joke
continues about missing boyfriends.

And so she goes on
with what is cast
makes her joy
becomes a blast.

Without a man
is not a glitch.
She's just trying hard
to be a funny bitch.

To you I assure
that she's more than smart.
'Tis just her being funny
... her brain needs to fart.


from your unwanted ladybug,

p.s. i love you my best friend mischiefsprite... thanks

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