Involvement...  

Michael_Nivek 32M
7 posts
4/1/2006 3:14 am
Involvement...


I know that from my own experiences that to doubt one's self is never a forgiving option... but even with this memory, I find myself doubting my actions once more. I face myself with a question that has been asked by many people time and time again... Is it my responsibility to look out for another's greater good? Is it even my place to judge what that might be, or may have become? One's life is but a series of decisions made by an individual in order to live their life in the manner that they wish to experience it... I know even now it is not my place to decide the options that another is presented with... even if those options directly involve me. I am forced to wonder if perhaps what someone wants isn't really what they want. I've been told by a friend that my involvement in her life is important to her. Her involvement in mine has held that same importance for sometime now... But I know she wanted at one point in time to concentrate on her goals for her future... It's still true, but I'm beginning to feel that my presence in her life is becoming a distraction from what she wanted in the past... The decision is her's and her's alone, but I do not want my actions to cause any harm to the priorities in her life that will provide her with a happy future.
Whether or not to protect another from themselves is a trying question... and one that I'm not entirely sure that I have the right to answer... What she wants now, and what was wanted at an earlier point in her life, may no longer be the same. Her personal truth is shifting, I can feel it, but I wonder if she can. Will I bring it to her attention? Will I stop it in order to ensure her past goals are not overshadowed by a new and possibly disappointing set of goals designed to include me in her life? I do not know. My only goal has been to support her in what ever she decides to do, just as she has supported me in my own endeavors... But I wonder if I am standing in her way, I wonder if she would know if I was, and I wonder even, if I would know...
Am I an inspiration? Another step in the ladder? Or am I the drug... the escape, and the distraction... I know from my own mistakes that it is easy to forget what one's reasons for wanting something so badly were, and why... I prey that this is not the case, but I know what I feel, and I cannot ignore it.

Become a member to create a blog