Fun with Velveeta  

Mccartney2003 38M
479 posts
8/2/2005 1:48 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Fun with Velveeta

The issue with Velveeta, besides the fact that it is the only food product I know of that has to undergo vulcanization, is finding it. Velveeta defies categorization, you see, so unlike other foods that are by convention grouped together in grocery stores, Velveeta acts as a bit of a wild card; an opportunity for each store manager to add a personal touch. Myself, I would put it near the cheese. I understand that Velveeta is not cheese, but it strives to be cheese, and in general it is employed much as one would use normal cheese. And I also understand that Velveeta does not need to be refrigerated. I don't suppose anything bad would happen if you refrigerated it, though admittedly I've never tried--why would you? At worst it wastes refrigerator space. So fine, put it on display next to the cheese or something.

The point I'm trying to make here is that, while Velveeta's nature is shrouded in mystery, I think that for the purposes of categorization it is more like cheese than any other food. And yet I have NEVER found Velveeta by the cheese. They usually have it in a corner or at the end of the aisle, ostracized and mocked ceaselessly by the real cheeses and deli meats. At least that's not hard to find--you just scan for the Isle of Misfit Foods and that disturbing yellowish hue should jump right out at you.

But today at the store, after endless searching and eventually having to ask an employee--to be forced to say out loud, "Excuse me, sir, I would like to purchase some Velveeta"--I found it near the crackers. Come on, Crackers? Because people put Velveeta on crackers? Is that it? They are no more likely to do that than with a real cheese. As a matter of fact, at no cocktail party have I ever been served crackers with Velveeta, most likely because my hosts generally have at least one shred of dignity, at least until the party gets going. So why the Velveeta/cracker association? I don't buy it. Well, I did buy it, finally, but you know what I mean.

Adding insult to injury, I had to ask for assistance AGAIN, broadcasting great personal shame at my own ineptitude, because I couldn't find grits. Grits are made of coarsely ground corn meal, so I thought I'd find them near the rice, cous-cous, pasta, and other processed grains that are prepared by boiling. But no, the grits were with the cereal. Because some people eat them for breakfast, see? I was trying to categorize grits with similar types of food, but the folks at the store took it upon themselves to categorize according to what time of day they feel it might be eaten. Possibly forgivable, but after the Velveeta Debacle I was done with these leaps of shelf-stocking logic.

Ana_6973 43F

8/2/2005 8:37 am

Grits are always with the breakfast food. At least at any grocery store I've been to. Course, I'm from up north so what do I know.

~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~

Mccartney2003 38M
281 posts
8/3/2005 12:07 am

Hey I was trying to think with logic

UrLilSexKitten19 30F
18 posts
8/3/2005 4:28 pm

Darling, logic is something that hardly exists in your little world. Logic to you is chaos to others. Yes I know humanity is poo. But you must remember Logic is a no no, unless you conform your train of thoughts to fit in with the rest of the brain washd world.

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