|Blogs > Mccartney2003 > A day in the life|
Curses to the phone company.
Curses to the phone company.
Well tonight sucks because I wanted to see Ms. Angelina. The phone is out from what I understand. I tried to call her today from work with no luck and it's out again all night from what her mother said. I hate the phone company.
At least her's.
So to her phone company I send the following heart warming thoughts and feelings.
May 16 flaming telemarketers choke on dead crabs while laying on your hot tub."
May two of my favorite door-to-door salesmen suck refried beans beside your expensive wazoo."
May an English quart of tanked Fidel Castros castrate sporks at a fund-raising event for your refurbished love slave."
May you have nightmares in which beast-like holler 'Them's fight'n words!' to hockey pucks after hearing a loud *pop* coming from your blue and red tights."
May 256 constipated sumo wrestlers discover the secret of poopie poopie poop poopity poop poop poopie poop poop poop after abducting your maximum dosage of secret lover, Roseanne Barr.
May 256 homeless ball-lickers swing a Nerf Crotch-Bat at whale blubber after consuming your delicate chicken ranch.
May three bazillion paper thin Hooters girls play in a band called monkey porn and the mayonnaise while worshiping your secret mother.
May a shitload of moist orcs whip Count Chocula while worshiping your least favorite ass.
May 32 glorious nazis be poisoned by duct tape while getting it on with your doctor's legs.
May a handful of nacho cheese covered managers dillute Cajun Cheetos after being forced to smell your crusty WrestleMania t-shirt.
May 32 furious door to door salesmen chew up deodorant sticks over your cat's tongue.
May a baker's dozen of re-animated heart surgeons smuggle your rug burnt Planter's Cheeseballs after having a "bad experience" with your nose hair.
May 32 fluid ounces of outrageously huge boy bands get the nickname "recovering alcoholic" because they enjoy the classic kids story "Green Eggs and evil ducks" while they get a lewd tattoo of wet cement using only your recommended daily allowance of dinner salad.
May an imaginary number of single orcs explode Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by your 250 year old excrement.
May 15,000 bewildered woodchucks feel pennies after pledging allegiance to your crusty Tater Twister.
May 50 billion nearsighted ninjas play spin the bottle with lime jello (aka "drunk sausages") while performing a full cavity search on your wart covered snarglies.
May an english quart of strange porn stars buy 100 shares of stock in virgins while thinking lustfully of your gigantic sweat socks.
May an unknown amount of French CRNet Owners "Keep It Real" with leeches after being forced to smell your supple sweat socks.
May 999 wild librarians worship cancerous growths after waxing your condom.
May three trillion sad construction workers melt down the Statue of Liberty after having a "bad experience" with your gnarly gazebo.
May three trillion schizophrenic toll booth operators claim to have once slept with smoked string cheese sticks beside your platypus.
May 25,000,000 nacho cheese covered librarians pick hairs out of Monica Lewinsky while hiding out in your supple fonics monkey.
May a megabyte of sex-crazed Ricky Martin impersonators spend eternity with easter eggs underneath your unusually small toilet.
May 911 tanked Ricky Martin impersonators declare bankruptcy after investing in 2 tons of 1.21 JIGAWATTS!!!! next to your dinner salad.
May an english quart of flaccid fighter pilots discuss that "not so fresh feeling" with the Taco Bell dog while tinkering with your unusually small secret lover, Roseanne Barr.
May a megabyte of uninhibited people named "dr. fresh" set fire to yogurt while standing on your mom's thingy.
May 42 rabid dwarves glaze a ham with sharp chedder cheese while licking your worthless yoga master.
May an english quart of crack smoking Bob Barkers flog 2 percent milk above your under-appreciated skid-marked undies.
May a barrel of diabetic Fidel Castros shove pitchforks into watermelons below your pile of dirty underwear.
8/8/2005 8:12 pm
May 2 paper thin Sunday-School teachers be forced into slave labor for beer while getting it on with your expensive uvula.|
May 101 dancing Mikes buy the Collector's Edition "vegetarian sphincters" DVD, complete with replica WonderBras out from underneath your wazoo.
May 2.5 infamous Iowa Hawkeye Football Players spank shrunken heads while performing a full cavity search on your deep fat fried green eggs and ham.
May 2 freaky grave diggers discover the secret of weenies while performing a full cavity search on your cross-dressing snot rag.
May you witness aroused Fem-Bots time travel back to the Age Of Taco Bell free-flowing Gorditas in an evil parallel universe of your supple eye socket.
May 999 worried members of The Village People discuss that "not so fresh feeling" with Shakespeare behind your gerbil's country's president.
May 62 dead crustaceans insert cheese into beer above your mom's urinal.
May plenty of jagged dwarves spend eternity with dust mites using only your decaying dinner salad.
May 69 freaky Space Ghosts suck the life out of Legos out from underneath your crooked arch nemesis, The Queen of England.
May eleven very badly burned crustaceans bite green bean casserole beside your 250 year old chicken ranch.
May three bazillion diseased Bill Brasky impersonators feel the wrath of a barrel of monkeys in the vicinity of your unusually small ears.
May 1,000 wired cats rise up against spicy chicken while getting it on with your dad's ant farm.
May 128 killer toll booth operators do their duty with monkey porn all over your liquified popcorn.
May 411 insane college basketball coaches eat your baby and some statues of Kevin Bacon after pledging allegiance to your neighbor's silly putty.
May a harem of homosexual Fraggles ritualistically sacrifice bottled water after sabotaging your gold tooth.
May 512 drunk Osama Bin Ladens bring life to intestines after sabotaging your engorged car trunk.
May 128 born-again Christian dwarves damn to hell ear wax after having a "bad experience" with your engorged bottle of maple syrup.
May a buttload of irritated door to door salesmen spend the morning burping chap stick in the vicinity of Mike's pet jelly-fish.
May a plethora of bulbous husbands entice burial urns while wizzing on your lower intestine.
May 69 cheesey husbands overdose on Crispy Critters Cereal while playing twister with your mysterious platypus.
May a bushel of futuristic cats remove burial urns beside your crappy deck.
May 999 odd Bob Barkers swap spit with wet cement all over your shriveled up intestines.
May an unknown amount of cowardly mother-in-laws drink saltines around your boss's home.
May 15,000 grape jelly covered Fidel Castros dabble in the art of bananas over your hairy dumpster.
May 42 creamy con artists exclaim "Geezum!" to beefhearts encrusted Meow Mix while playing twister with your lice-infested George Foreman Grill.
May negative 14 infamous jaywalkers get high by smoking pot while polishing your deep fat fried fungus.
May 96 obese gynecologists ask "What cha talking about, Willis?!" to nipples while rummaging through your extremeties.
May 62 insane porn stars say "Hello? Algiers?" to weenies after being forced to smell your Klingon crevice, so to speak.
May 128 African American extra-terrestrials grease Richard Simmons after hearing a loud *pop* coming from your mom's bottle of maple syrup.
May a couple impotent trolls interrogate BackStreet Boys members while performing a drive-by-shooting on your neighbor's George Foreman Grill.
May a mob of Hispanic transvestites get high by smoking evil ducks while standing on your Uncle Fester.
May an insane amount of cowardly woodchucks carpet bomb Ontario with a payload of Monica Lewinsky while kicking your diseased Egg McMuffin.
May an overabundance of flattened Mikes sell their souls to the devil for a box of soiled diapers while fending off your legs.
May a quartet of paper thin whores kidnap BackStreet Boys members around your freakin' huge love slave.
May a dozen aroused rabbis invest in Big League Chew after waxing your decaying hole... FOR ME TO POOP ON!
May a crowd of free-loading Enron executives bend over a sharp stick after genetically cloning your mysterious neighborhood's toxic waste dump.
May 128 freaky Hooters girls watch "When truck drivers go bad!" on Fox while they kick chap stick around your 250 year old hotel minibar.
May a buttload of homosexual Canadians place their buttocks on the office copying machine next to poopie poopie poop poopity poop poop poopie poop poop poop below your diabetic fruitcake from last Christmas.
May a molar quanity of nomadic Osama Bin Ladens shout "Wazzzup?!?!" to door nails after sabotaging your enlarged bodily oriface.
May a crowd of dancing members of Da Bears attack evil ducks with the Vulcan Pinch of soylent green after having a "bad experience" with your spastic nutroll.
May 128 sickly spacemen seduce Bill Clinton above your unusually small lobster tank.
May 32 fluid ounces of diseased Bill Brasky impersonators work for the crime boss known as "Big mailman Tony" and smuggle cigarettes below your July issue of Vintage Robot Porn Monthly.
May a megabyte of lice infested Corey Feldmans be declared the king-drawers of sliced meat-distributers in Kentucky for the last 12 years to dead crabs while standing on your unusually small ant farm.
May an overabundance of delicious Spice Girls withstand the power of Cajun Cheetos while getting it on with your skid-marked undies.
May 1,000 diabetic marinate your hottub in $240 worth of pudd'n after sabotaging your unusually small armpit.
May a handful of Klingon porn stars utter "Great Scott!" to squid tentacles over your Swedish swimming pool.
May a megabyte of wet Oompa Loompas perform oral pleasure to bison carcasses all over your cat's uvula.
May too few nacho cheese covered jaywalkers invoke martial law on a sharp stick next to your neighbor's Arby's Giant Roast Beef Combo.
May a hell of a lot of bi-sexual people named "dr. evil" create evil Iowa Hawkeye Football Players-bots that violently hurl soiled diapers while scrubbing your disfigured mother.
May a crowd of French Mormons prefer to be known as monkey porn while having a bowel movement on your maximum dosage of yoga master.
We no speak english so nice so some of these make no sense perfectly. We many sorries.
May an imaginary number of wet Spice Girls prefer to be known as crack pipes after shoving glass shards into your twig 'n berries.
May 256 funny assassins join a gang called "The strange pepperonis" and hack into the national website of Vanilla Ice music while licking your crazy tent.
May you witness nacho cheese covered single mothers buy the Collector's Edition "over-friendly strip malls" DVD, complete with replica bananas while kicking your lice-infested blue and red tights.
May 777 odd ligers douche with pieces of driftwood while performing a drive-by-shooting on your filthy arch nemesis, The Queen of England.
May one too many impotent half-transvestites, half-damn dirty mummies puke up lard after smelling alphabet soup while getting it on with your cracked bag of potatoes.
May one million tenderized mexican jumping beans ignite a fire of weenies within your rug burnt face.
May a gross of free-flowing AT&T cable service workers "Back that ass up" with door nails while scrubbing your wart covered dinner salad.
May 15,000 mad orcs shave bacon bits after abducting your dog.
May three bazillion weird Canadians perform oral pleasure to grass seeds after being forced to smell your lice-infested ding dong.
May a couple weird mummies kidnap weasels while thinking lustfully of your tv dinner.
May 62 dinky elephant men dirty dance with wet cement by your delicious golf cart.
May a hell of a lot of paper thin elephant men retort "As if!" to Diabetic Desserts while kicking your shriveled up twig 'n berries.
May 3,000 high speed Chauffs shampoo their hair with wet cement after consuming your moistened front porch.
May 16 flea-ridden Al Rokers fixate on Jimmy Hoffa within your recommended daily allowance of silly putty.
May 2,000 yellow Beenie Baby collectors get high by smoking Rosie O'Donnell by your chocolate covered light saber.
May a plethora of impotent managers snort crushed cat litter next to your tasty toilet paper.
May a quartet of undercover construction workers rub crayons while hiding out in your neighbor's armpit.
May 96 moldy Canadians hack into the national website of your sister while polishing your space-aged cake hole.
May 32 aroused Osama Bin Ladens prove their love with squid tentacles while polishing your crazy sand castle.
May a herd of handsome wives smell like a mixture of ass and Big League Chew after sabotaging your thong.
May you witness nacho cheese covered Mr. Hankeys break out a can of whoop ass on a rotting deer carcass under your uncle's tongue.
May 1,024 stinky elected officials place their buttocks on the office copying machine next to lepers after having a "bad experience" with your frozen royale with cheese.
May a plethora of inbred ninjas paint a picture of crack pipes while laying on your secret shorn scrotum.
May an english quart of midget Oompa Loompas evacuate their bowels in pickles while getting it on with your supple naughty area.
May an unknown amount of midget half-Canadians, half-crocodile hunters wish they hadn't stuck cat litter up their butt after they poke themselves in the eye with piss after consuming your space-aged fruitcake from last Christmas.
8/10/2005 6:52 pm
Dude, you need a girlfriend|
Oh yea, you already have one
Dude, you need a girlfriend with a phone...
8/10/2005 9:15 pm
lol. I got to see her today. |