Coolness Defined  

Mccartney2003 38M
479 posts
6/22/2005 6:26 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Coolness Defined

I had certain idols when I was growing up being bored and watching way too much TV. The Fonz and Magic Johnson are the first that come to mind and whenever I would talk to my mother about wanting to be just like them, she would say, “Oh, Joseph. Those people are no different from anyone else. They put their pants on one leg at a time just like you do.”

One day it occurred to me that my mom probably had no idea how cool famous people like Fonzie and Magic got dressed. How would she know? She couldn’t draw Buddy Holly songs from a jukebox by simply hitting it with a closed fist. I had never even once seen her throw a no-look pass to my father or make out with Pinkie Tuscadero (grrroowwll) or bury a skyhook over the outstreteched arm of Kevin McHale.

I convinced myself that my mom was just protecting me and that the real litmus test for coolness was being able to put one’s pants on BOTH legs at once.

I remember standing in my room before school one morning. I was butt naked and holding a pair of tight white Fruit Of The Looms in my outstretched hands. I lowered them to about ankle-high, took a deep breath and jumped.

My goal was to land with the right leg in the right hole, the left leg in the left hole and an undeniable sign that I was, in fact, cool.

Sadly, my left leg landed inside the right hole and my right leg got caught-up in the elastic waistband of the underpants. I lost my balance, fell forward and bumped my chin on the metal frame of my bed. I was naked, bleeding from the head and most certainly not cool. Not cool at all.

patsam69 51M/51F

6/22/2005 7:49 pm

LMAO!!! The silly things we think as kids.

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