Commitment...  

MajorEasy 46M
3805 posts
8/15/2006 2:17 pm
Commitment...


I've been talking to a few mates about this subject...especially once a relationship is formed.


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There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
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MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
8/15/2006 2:18 pm

They all say (not sure they actually believe it...) that it's important to stay faithful and not play the field any more...

My question is this...

Does this mean that we only get one shot at it?? Once we decide on one person, we have to accept that no one else should turn us on, or be good to touch, or even sexy to look at?

Where is the line? Can we look but not touch? Can we touch but not lust over?? Can we lust over but not have sex with??? Can we have sex with but no long term relationship????

I know all the standard answers that might come in...but I'm serious...forget p.c. for now...in that one shot, when we decide to call it quits with about a billion other members of the opposite sex and remain with only one person...how can that be right??



. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


CB_2 51F

8/15/2006 2:33 pm

I think the mistake that you are making is to think of your relationship with your chosen partner in sexual terms. Because, yes, however good it is, at some point familiarity breeds contempt and you will see another woman and your little man will go "ooooooooohhhh!".

But sex is only one part of a relationship. I always say women want up to 4 things from a man: emotional security, financial security, children and sex. There are other subgroups you can add to this, but what it comes down to is that the commitment you make to another person is about partnership.

And that is not primarily about sex. If you think it is, prepare to spend the rest of your life wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.

And, as an aside, I think this is why the divorce rate is so high: because people are focused on the sex not on the partnership.

CB2

Blogito ergo sum.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
8/15/2006 4:30 pm

    Quoting CB_2:
    I think the mistake that you are making is to think of your relationship with your chosen partner in sexual terms. Because, yes, however good it is, at some point familiarity breeds contempt and you will see another woman and your little man will go "ooooooooohhhh!".

    But sex is only one part of a relationship. I always say women want up to 4 things from a man: emotional security, financial security, children and sex. There are other subgroups you can add to this, but what it comes down to is that the commitment you make to another person is about partnership.

    And that is not primarily about sex. If you think it is, prepare to spend the rest of your life wondering if the grass is greener on the other side.

    And, as an aside, I think this is why the divorce rate is so high: because people are focused on the sex not on the partnership.

    CB2
So you think being 'committed' to a relationship...or in your terms, to a partnership...means sex with others is fair game??


. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


rm_Lynna84 32F
38 posts
8/15/2006 6:32 pm

Hey Major, great bod. Haven't login for a while and what a great suprised waiting for me. That new pic, I like...

Back to the topic. Everyone wants their partner to be faithful. Don't you? Me too but sometimes we get bored with what we have. If you're lucky enough to have an understanding partner who is open to swinging, you're lucky. What if the other half was not open to that idea. You pretend everything is fine but had affairs behind their back. The mentality is that "they wouldn't get hurt for things they didn't know". But sooner or later things will catch up with those who are unfaithful.

My point is, why get married if you're still in the mood to hunt. Being turned on by someone else and flirting after marriage is fine as long as it stops there.


CB_2 51F

8/16/2006 1:18 am

    Quoting MajorEasy:
    So you think being 'committed' to a relationship...or in your terms, to a partnership...means sex with others is fair game??

Do you seek my approval, Major? Sounds like it.

I would say that your partnership would determine whether or not you could continue to play the field (though I agree with Lynna84 - if you're in the mood to hunt, you're not in the mood to settle down), but if you go into a relationship with that attitude in the first place, don't be surprised if it doesn't last long.

I wouldn't expect my partner to play the field if I wouldn't myself, so I guess you'd better go looking for a girl who also likes to hunt.

Blogito ergo sum.


poison_syrup 43F
8533 posts
8/16/2006 4:05 am

You might really love 1 or maybe 2 people in your whole life but I am sure there's a lot out there that we like and turn us on. If both party is open, agreeable and honest enough, I think arrangement can be make to still continue seeing MOS on an intimate basis.


Angel Of Sins


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
8/16/2006 10:24 am

    Quoting rm_Lynna84:
    Hey Major, great bod. Haven't login for a while and what a great suprised waiting for me. That new pic, I like...

    Back to the topic. Everyone wants their partner to be faithful. Don't you? Me too but sometimes we get bored with what we have. If you're lucky enough to have an understanding partner who is open to swinging, you're lucky. What if the other half was not open to that idea. You pretend everything is fine but had affairs behind their back. The mentality is that "they wouldn't get hurt for things they didn't know". But sooner or later things will catch up with those who are unfaithful.

    My point is, why get married if you're still in the mood to hunt. Being turned on by someone else and flirting after marriage is fine as long as it stops there.


Thanks sweetie...I'm glad you like...

As to what you said...that's exactly why I'm asking...so unless we don't get married...otherwise, once we are...we are suppose to shut off our feelings towards all other people we meet the after??


. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
8/16/2006 10:31 am

    Quoting CB_2:
    Do you seek my approval, Major? Sounds like it.

    I would say that your partnership would determine whether or not you could continue to play the field (though I agree with Lynna84 - if you're in the mood to hunt, you're not in the mood to settle down), but if you go into a relationship with that attitude in the first place, don't be surprised if it doesn't last long.

    I wouldn't expect my partner to play the field if I wouldn't myself, so I guess you'd better go looking for a girl who also likes to hunt.
Okie...I don't think you're reading my post correctly...

I understand your point...self centred as it was...so if your partner wishes to play around, she cannot because you don't want to?? Wow...who died and put you in charge?? What if you didn't want to but she wants to??

As to being in a relationship...I didn't ask if one wishes to hunt or not...nor did I ask about moods...what I asked is this...please read carefully...based on conventional relationship...and a wedding vow indicates this explicitly...that once settled...one should not feel anything for anyone else who comes along...forget mood, forget whether partner approves and what not...we are simply not suppose to feel lust...or anything more than pure friendship for any person we meet after the settling down....and my question was...how can that be right...are we not still alive?? And don't we still feel...turn-on, lust etc???

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
8/16/2006 10:37 am

    Quoting poison_syrup:
    You might really love 1 or maybe 2 people in your whole life but I am sure there's a lot out there that we like and turn us on. If both party is open, agreeable and honest enough, I think arrangement can be make to still continue seeing MOS on an intimate basis.
Heh heh...my dear...I agree with the second part but not the first...

I think we can love a lot of people in our lives...it's just that we allow only one or two into our lives because this commitment thing causes us to be overly cautious...

We see it all around us...men and women changing themselves to fit into a relationship...must it be that way?? And why limit ourselves to only one soulmate??

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


CB_2 51F

8/16/2006 11:47 am

Major, if you're going back to traditional wedding vows, then the answer is no, you're not supposed even to look at anyone else after you get married. Biblically speaking, the term "adultery" covers the looking as well as the doing.

But realistically speaking, that's not possible. And today's Western society is sufficiently permissable for you/me/anyone to negotiate what is acceptable within our/your own partnership.

Personally, I think anything is acceptable if it does not threaten your main relationship, and no-one can tell you what is a threat to your main relationship other yourself and your partner (certainly not me - God, no, I don't want to be in charge!).

As it happens, I have two apparent "soulmates": one with whom I have sex and one with whom I have an exceptional degree of emotional intimacy but no sex (it helps that we are a continent apart). And, yes, they both know about each other. This unusual setup is only possible through AdultFriendFinder, where we can all talk honestly about exactly what we are after.

Blogito ergo sum.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
8/16/2006 1:12 pm

    Quoting CB_2:
    Major, if you're going back to traditional wedding vows, then the answer is no, you're not supposed even to look at anyone else after you get married. Biblically speaking, the term "adultery" covers the looking as well as the doing.

    But realistically speaking, that's not possible. And today's Western society is sufficiently permissable for you/me/anyone to negotiate what is acceptable within our/your own partnership.

    Personally, I think anything is acceptable if it does not threaten your main relationship, and no-one can tell you what is a threat to your main relationship other yourself and your partner (certainly not me - God, no, I don't want to be in charge!).

    As it happens, I have two apparent "soulmates": one with whom I have sex and one with whom I have an exceptional degree of emotional intimacy but no sex (it helps that we are a continent apart). And, yes, they both know about each other. This unusual setup is only possible through AdultFriendFinder, where we can all talk honestly about exactly what we are after.
Ahhh...so you think it's negotiable??

I doubt many people go into a relationship starts off defining how open it should be....I suspect there's usually an uneasiness to broach the subject before the relationship settles (lest the other person walks away...)...but also tough after it settles (too much invested to throw away...)...either ways, it stays buried till one side blurts it out...

(my case is different...we talked about it while we were just friends...)

Anyway...back to the topic...if we cannot help having feelings for others...shouldn't we just scrape that rule??

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


MajorEasy 46M
2693 posts
1/25/2015 9:34 pm

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .NOW A PART OF THE . . . Something to discuss... SERIES...

. . . . . . . MajorEasy's Blog...
There is no use getting, into heavy petting
it only leads to trouble, and seat wetting.....
.


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