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Two drinks into Christmas Eve
Two drinks into Christmas Eve
So, here I sit. Making the holiday desserts for tonight's little folly. **I'm so not into it**
It's not that cold here, was suppose to snow, and it didn't ... oh, well... not like I was looking forward to more slush and stuff... but maybe it might have been more festive.
Two White Russins and I'm already feeling the blues. Paint me happy ... oh, hell... just paint me.
I miss the warmth of days gone pass. When I got excited to be with the one's I love. Past memories want to haunt me and take me deep within the depths of those dark and secure covers.
I'm here, disconnected ... and I feel sad. But not sad in the sense of the holiday's spirit. Just sad.
Sad that I grew up. Do I really know anymore now then I did earlier in life? Have I really changed to find the happiness that is all around me.
I want to walk the city streets, see the lights, just bask in the glow of the holiday, even by myself.
I've not been very personal here, as I could be. I still have those walls up and the sentenial standing guard, cause to let the walls down, would be a disaster.
I've not cried. And I so want to. I want to cry cause I have no real love in my life. That person that knows you inside out and still wants to hold you, be with you, and maybe even love you for all it's worth.
I'm so afraid of this, and at the same time, I so want it. The trick is to let it happen, but when you try, it's all a merry-go-round and then you just want to get off the ride and find a place to just sit and ponder what the hell were you thinking?
I wish to be with my extended family. Sometimes your friends can love you more than a family could ever.
I have no christmas tree, no lights, no cards on the door frame, the little things that make christmas what it is ... is not here this year.
There's too many ghost in the closet. And I don't want to hear them rattle, as they tap into my heart and at last, I cry.
Yea, two drinks into Christmas Eve and I can't find the peace within my soul, as restless as it is... the voices I so long to hear, are no longer with me.
I grow more recluse with each moment that passes today.
I see the holiday lights, twinkling in the city square and I want to be apart of that magic.
I'm not belly aching that I have nothing to be thankful for, that's not my style. I just wanted to be with the ones that I loved so much. I know that I should look to the ones that care about me know ... and I'm not dismissing them ... for they show me everyday that I'm still contributing to the pace of life.
I'm not sure what I'm doing ... not even sure I want to know.
Ok ... sorry if I rained on your parade. I'm two drinks into the Christmas Eve ... go figure?
UPDATE:: 7:30 pm 4 drinks into the wind ... and it's beginning to look a little windy ..... heheeeee.
12/24/2005 3:14 pm
Well, two drinks here also...we send you soft caresses and heartfelt hugs D and B|
12/24/2005 3:47 pm
Maggie, I do understand what you are saying, but not how you feel.|
I have my own brand of holiday blah this year.
But I have a glass of tawny port in my hand,
and I am drinking a toast to a wonderful lady and a dear friend.
We search for the meaning and spirit of Christmas differently every year. It's the searching that counts. I know you'll find it.
Merry Christmas, Darlin' !
Most people are other people... FUCKING CHARACTER LIMIT!!! ~Oscar Wilde
12/24/2005 4:41 pm
Spin, right now i just wanna be lost. But, i feel what you are saying. |
mauu'ah my babyboy. I can't do this, right now.
12/24/2005 4:42 pm
and I'm 4 drinks into the wind...... and all is not a 'glowing sight' just more fuzzy. piff..... humbug!|
12/24/2005 4:54 pm
It's OK to accept the ghosts. They won't hurt you... they're just as afraid of you as you are of them. Offer them a drink and sit and talk a bit. Tell them how much you need them to heal your heart and see what they say. They can be quite accommodating when treated with kindness.
12/24/2005 10:54 pm
MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!|
It will all be over soon and we can then hope for a better next year.
Ya know I am around if you need me.
I am not dead yet
12/25/2005 5:43 am
Christmas morning *:40am ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mood~~~~~~~ Hung Under|
<----- oh, my aching head. Two aleves, pls. oh, and coffee ... no thanks, do not need the "hair of the dog" just yet.
Ok, someone "punch" my Daypass, if I go thru the turnstiles one more time, i'm probably gonna get charged.
I so feel ya. Well, not like that, but give me a moment here, there's clarity, once I'm out of the fog.
this is why they gave me a "cat" so I wouldn't look so funny talking to myself ... familiar? hummmmm.
mauu'ah ... I've missed ya being around here too. Thanks hon.