Letter to SigEP4U  

Mackey05 39F
508 posts
3/28/2005 10:40 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Letter to SigEP4U


Sig,

I know you haven't been around on this site much, if at all and I am hoping that you'll come across this post and read it. Some of the things I'm going to say here I have said to you before and I believe there are certain things that never can be said enough.

I'm really glad that you came here and shared so much of yourself with all of us because I feel it opened a lot of hearts and minds. Being open and sharing your soul leaves many of us feeling vulnerable and naked and it is scary. Your bravery inspired me to share my pain, my love, my thoughts, my experiences, my anger, and who I am within this mortal coil. Being able to come forward, as you experienced as well, led to a lot of self discovery that came from reflection and was greatly enriched by the kindness of the strangers who log on each day to read our blogs. I've been so surprised by how many people reached out to me and I know you feel the same about the people you have come across. Looking at it all it is the last thing many of us would expect from a site of this nature. As in life, strange things happen and everything happens for a reason. Some times we see the reasons right away and many times it takes years for things to fall into place and make sense.

This site is great, this site is terrible, this site helps us, this site hurts us... It depends on the day and who we run into and talk to. I know I have issues with trusting men and know why after coming out and sharing my experiences. I know you are struggling too with rebuilding your marriage and learning to trust your wife again. After reading many of your posts I've laughed, I've cried, and have been angry and hurt along with you. So many times I wish we lived closer by and could build a real friendship because, as strange as it sounds, I would like to be there for you to talk to. I've felt the coldness of betrayal and having to suffer alone and it's one of the hardest things a person will ever have to face in their life. As I look through your posts I see hope. You self-awareness, inner strength, values, communication skills, honesty, grit, guts and intelligence to face and conquer anything that life throws at you.

I can't remember having as much respect for a man as I have for you. Over and over again the men in my life have been insincere and have treated me poorly leading me to start to develop a distrust and plant the seeds of dislike for men in general. I don't want to feel that way and having you come into my life has helped me see that great men exist out there and are very rare. When they touch your life you need to be thankful and let them know. So few men know that they are appreciated and held in high regard and deserve to know. I want you to know that you are a great man and I hope you never change for the worse and continue to grow positively.

Marriage scares the hell out of me.... There I admitted it.. Due to my experiences with men it is something at times I doubt I will ever want because I don't know if I could ever trust someone that much and take those vows. Being on here scares me at times seeing all the married men running around. It scares me to think that some day, if I ever do get married, that I will be the unsuspecting wife who will find out my husband is cheating as you did with your wife. The thought of that devastates me and I know the small fraction of pain I feel from that doesn't even scrape the surface of what you are going through. I do believe in Karma.... What you do will come back to you some day.. Marriage scares me because I helped someone cheat and know some day it'll come back and I will be cheated on. Maybe I've done enough good in this world and as I continue to do so it'll reverse things.... Maybe I'll be blessed to find a man like you who is faithful and honest with a conscious and a big heart.

Knowing of you and that there have got to be other men out there like you gives me hope that my dream of settling down someday to start a family and build a great life with a special man doesn't belong in a pipe. You put a human face on a lot of things for a lot of people and whether or not you realize it, you touched and helped a lot of people.

I feel like I am rambling here because I have a lot to say and it's coming out in chunks and I apologize for that. So many men in my life and here on AdultFriendFinder have helped me fall into a deeper and deeper hole of disgust, anger, bitterness, and frustration but you alone have helped me not be consumed by all of that.

Women like me who will not cheat on a man and will give them a lot of respect and so much more exist. I want you to know that there are great women out there who will work as a true partner to overcome obstacles that life throws in the way whether they are responsible for their creation or not. I really hope that your wife is one of them. I hope that the coldness dissipates and she will start taking bigger steps to work on your marriage. I am guessing that her physical and emotional distance may come from her embarrassment and disgust with herself for what she has done. So many people pull away when they feel a deep seeded guilt until they come to terms with what they have done and work their way through the self-hatred and confusion to discover the root of it all. The jealousy play is an easy one and being out with other men may be her way of distancing herself and a game to see if you will become angry and show you care even if it is through anger and by creating a scene. It's immature, but people do that a lot sadly.

I've written a short novel and I hope that you do read it. I want you to know you are still in my thoughts and I am always wishing and hoping for things to get better for you. You deserve it!!!!! Don't ever forget that!!!!!!! I want to thank you for all you have given me... Support and so much hope that is worth so much more that words can ever express.

Mental Hugs,

Mackey

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