I feel badly.....  

Mackey05 39F
508 posts
4/1/2005 12:34 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I feel badly.....

A week ago I went out to dinner with a guy from AdultFriendFinder. We met at a restauraunt for dinner and he was really nervous and picked at his food the first half hour. When he finally started getting comfortable chatting with me the evening became fun and the conversation flowed. Our waitress even commented on how she thought it was great we were enjoying each other's company. When we were done we drove around trying to find a movie, but it was too late to see anything so we hit a little dive bar.

At the bar the conversation felt forced but there was a little chemistry. A few people I hadn't seen in years just so happened to be there and struck up a conversation with us. He seemed a little bothered by it even though my old friends and I explained to him how we knew each other and they asked him questions attempting to get to know him. He was sweet and held my hands from across the table. After a few drinks we walked back to our cars in the rain. He gave me a nice goodbye smooch which turned into a mini make-out session. We planned on catching a movie this past Monday.

Monday we met at a theater and got there as the previews started ( Do those endless commercials and ads for movies annoy anyone else? ). A large group of teenagers sitting a few rows behind us started getting really loud and obnoxious. Other patrons were irritated hearing the kids say, "This movie sucks!" along with the clank of bottles and ,"Dude! Didn't ya take more beer from your dad than that?!" I turned around a few times and gave them the evil eye which quieted down. He held my hand and slumped down in his chair saying,"Stupid teenagers. Just ignore them." One girl from the group started gagging and another rushed her down the aisle to get her out so she didn't spew in the theater. That was the final straw.

I pulled my hand out of his and said to him,"This is ridiculous! You paid for us to watch this movie and we can't hear a damn thing over those kids. I'm going to get the manager." I think I shocked him with my boldness and I don't care. The last thing I wanted to experience was some idiot teenager puking on me or in the aisle so I'd have to smell it. I HATE VOMIT! I've seen some terrible things in my life but never have gotten over puke.

The manager was pissed off and knew exactly who I was talking about. He had heard them being loud during a walk through and went up and talked to him. He made 3 girls leave, including the pukie girl along with one very drunk boy.

My date grabbed my hand as soon as I sat back down trying to comfort me. He asked, "Are you okay? It's going to be fine." It annoyed me a little because I was angry and didn't need consolation.

The movie did suck and aferwards we went out for coffee. The conversation was really forced and akward. I struggled to come up with things to say and was tired and wanted to go home. I could tell that when I spoke or told stories he wasn't interested and kept looking away or around the room.

I felt better when we were outside. He pulled me in and kissed me. I gave him a quick peck and pulled away. He tried again and got the same result. Any chemistry from the first night was gone and I wanted right then to admit that getting together again was not something I wanted to do because I didn't see things going further and there wasn't enough chemistry for things to turn sexual. He asked me out to see another movie we had discussed and like a moron I agreed.

When I got home I was tired but couldn't sleep because of the things running through my head over and over again. Was I giving the guy a fair shake? Where did the chemistry go? Should I go out again and see if any feelings could develop? Why did things get so akward? Why didn't he go and talk to the manager and act like kids were scary? Why was the conversation forced? What did we have in common in the first place? Should I go out with someone I am not attracted to hoping that maybe someday I will be?

Those thoughts kept popping in my head when I spent my Tuesday and Wednesday working on refinishing furniture then going out with another AdultFriendFinder guy.. The guy who wasn't over his ex.. This morning I checked my phone to see that he had called and seemed really nervous and akward on my voicemail asking if I still wanted to get together. I batted the idea around in my head all day asking myself the questions above over and over again feeling worse by the minute. He was a really nice guy and a gentleman, but I just don't see anything happening. I can't force myself to feel things I don't feel and that is not fair to do to someone. I enjoyed the 1st date but the second was strained.

I wanted to call him and tell him how I felt because he deserved that much but couldn't because I'd feel so guilty hearing the nervousness in his voice and would probably fold and have a repeat of date #2. I didn't want to possibly hear hurt in his voice when I gave him the news... Maybe he expected it and I shouldn't feel as terribly as I do right now.

So many men have made it really easy for me to break things off by being total jerks. I'm so used to dealing with asshole guys it's almost effortless and expected.... When a nice guy comes along and did nothing wrong it is very difficult.

I feel I did the chicken shit thing and Immed him with how I felt. I hope he continues to be a gentleman when he recieves it so I don't feel worse and add anger to how I am feeling.

rm_S0P4r4T1 29M
10 posts
4/1/2005 7:01 am

the first was cool, tha second not that good... there is always another possibiliy... i think that, if you try, everything will be ok...just a litle effort.

gentlestory 36M

4/1/2005 7:04 am

Okay, I shall be honest here. I'm not sure if you did give the fellow a fair chance- that second date sounded a little bit unusual, and not everyone (especially a truly nice guy) is going to react as a agressively as you might prefer to that situation. I think I can relate somewhat to the personality of the fellow you mentioned- I would say that it isn't everyday you are going to find a fellow that is polite like that, and it almost seems rather unfair that you couldn't break it off directly. I do not mean to be rude of course- I'm just giving it to you straight. It's true that if you just don't like him, you don't like him- but things did go well at first, and it sounds like you were just having a stressful day the second time around (the kids not helping). And for all you know, once you opened up and things got sexual he could have been incredible. Without openess, without at least sharing how you felt, how do you know he even understood just what was going on? To be quite honest, I hope such a situation never happens to me. I think communication and openess is vital.

It's kind of frustrating that the rude, arrogant, flashy fellows out there are the ones who make it on but the gentlemen sometimes never get very far. Not always true, I know, but in this case I'm worried you cut him from the team too early.

gentlestory 36M

4/1/2005 7:06 am

PS- My vote? Contact him again, get together, and pour on the kindness and make him comfortable. Be open and share, in a way that doesn't get abrasive. See how he reacts- I personally think he won't be the same guy, if you give him a chance and if you make your needs clear. If he is the same, if he fails, then cut him.

jmul 45M
1 post
4/1/2005 11:30 am

That's the whole of the animal. You didn't like the fact that he didn't seem to want to or be able to protect you. That's a very unmasculine quality, and you didn't care for that.

Even fully actualized women need to feel a little security from their men. That's what we have to have to make up for other failings.


4/1/2005 12:22 pm


You have nothing to feel guilty about, I think you know if you had of went out again , it would have been leading him on in away, ,If it`s not there, it just isn`t , whether it`s 2 dates or 20.And yes he should not have left you to deal with the problem yourself.

Do what you have to do for you,

gearedup21 35M
5 posts
4/4/2005 6:39 am

At least you sent him an IM and let him know how you felt. Hopefully it was as open and honest as you were here. I've had way too many women just stop returning calls and breaking off contact with me that, while I get the message, I don't usually know exactly what happened or why they lost interest from their point of view and it just leaves me very confused and doesn't help me out in future relationships.

That said, he sounded like a situation avoider. He doesn't like to get involved in situations like that, and just tries to avoid them or deal with them internally (up to a point). Although sulking lower in his chair and gripping your hand tighter (which he may have done to try to comfort you instead of the other way around) does suggest he may have been afraid of them.

I'm similar, and what I'd probably do first is just move to a better location in the theater, away from them, if I could. Then if they were still being too loud and I couldn't tune them out, then I'd go get the manager.

I've had to watch movies in worse conditions, though. I'd be really into a movie I haven't seen before where none of my friends were and are all having conversations and I would have to tune them out really well to catch what the movie said.

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