Jokes for Today  

MWWwantsmore 51F
1594 posts
3/15/2006 7:26 am

Last Read:
3/16/2006 7:48 am

Jokes for Today

When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner -- both EMTs -- rushed to her home. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Then he began to gather her information. "What's your age?" he asked. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. "What does that do?" "It's a lie detector," said Glenn with a straight face. "Now, what did you say your age was?" "Sixty-seven," answered the woman sheepishly

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

People were coming over and I was frantically trying to get the house ready. I was also driving my family crazy, barking out orders to pick up, help set the table and not to mess up the living room. While I was cleaning the kitchen, I realized I'd pushed them too far. "Mary," I snapped at my 12-year-old daughter, "where's the broom?" "I don't know, Mom," she fired back. "Where'd you put it when you landed?"

Butch, our boxer, hated taking his medicine. After a lot of trial and error my father eventually figured out the simplest way to get it into him: blow it down Butch's throat with something called a pill tube. So Dad put the large tablet in one end of the tube, forced the reluctant dog's jaws open, and poked the other end into his mouth. Then, just as my father inhaled to blow, Butch coughed. A startled look appeared on Dad's face. He opened his eyes wide and swallowed hard. "I think I've just been de-wormed," he gasped.

*Taken from Readers Digest*


CamCumWithMe 59M

3/15/2006 10:49 am

I love that mag! Mom gave me a gift subscription as a graduation present (from high school... college was deferred for 10 years after that) and I've been renewing it ever since! (Nowadays, I subscribe to the on-line version.)


kyplowboy22 61M

3/15/2006 6:07 pm

rofl. Good jokes no matter where they come from.


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