I'm Still Alive!
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Posted:Jul 16, 2010 12:20 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2013 7:41 pm
8012 Views
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Wow! Time really flies! One thing led to another and I realized today that I've neglected all my blog friends. My apologies to all. Please forgive me. It's difficult to explain the long silence but perhaps I should just say that A LOT has happened in my life. No, a lot doesn't mean I finally found a fuck buddy and ran off with her to get laid! LOL! On the contrary it's the opposite! Anyway, just want you all to know that I miss you all a whole lot and I am still alive. I'll try to catch up with each one of you when time permits. Take care! LWC.
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5
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What Would You Do With 5 Million Bucks?
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Posted:Nov 28, 2007 10:34 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2012 10:41 pm
7913 Views
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I was just thinking today about a post I read on what do you think you were born to do in life (MZHUNY's post).
It just got me to thinking ... what would I do if one day I won a lottery for say, 5 million big ones? Would I put that money to good use? Or would I go crazy and spend wildly? This thought (or fantasy, more like!) had occurred to me many times before.
Well, for starters, I'd put aside a good amount for my 's' future.
2. Use some of it to provide comfortably for the rest of my family members.
3. Not only would I contribute financially to charities, but I would also invest my time and efforts to help orphans, the aged, abused , and drug rehab programs.
All that's fine, and definitely always on my priority list. But something's missing. I need adventure. And it occurred to me a great adventure would be to pay a visit to my Blogville friends! I've been dying to meet most if not ALL of you!
I know I don't have that many friends here. But how would you like the idea of me turning up at your doorstep simply because you asked me to!? Any part of the world that you may be, would you like me to visit?
Seriously, if any of you are interested in this idea just say so right now. I think it would be extremely exciting that for once in my life I can go visit all these great people whom I've gotten to know on this site! To be able to meet up and spend some time together ... that would be awesome!
So tell me here and now if you would like me to pay you a visit. I promise you I'm seriously going to start this "wish list". It's going to be one of my few treasured possessions. And someday, if I'm lucky enough to be holding that winning ticket in my hands, I'll be knocking on your door in no time!
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6
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LAWYER JOKE
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Posted:Nov 12, 2007 9:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2012 10:32 pm
7905 Views
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In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, bessie, into the ..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road ..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my . I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now what the FUCK would you have said?"
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2
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Coming Home Drunk
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Posted:Nov 6, 2007 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2012 10:32 pm
7951 Views
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Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Flynn woke up with a searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary replied, "It could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!"
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1
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Don't Lie To Your Mother
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Posted:Nov 1, 2007 9:10 pm
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2012 11:46 pm
7823 Views
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Mom comes to visit her Kumar for dinner, who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Later in the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar.
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear :
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow ...
Love, Mom.
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie To Your Mother!!!
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BIRTHDAY REMEMBRANCE
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Posted:Jun 13, 2007 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2012 11:46 pm
7963 Views
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This week we celebrate a special birthday.
Monica Lewinsky turns 31. Can you believe it?
It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
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3
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The Right Words When You're Dunrk ...
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Posted:Mar 8, 2007 8:21 pm
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2012 11:47 pm
8405 Views
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Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you!"
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, ", what happened last night?"
His says, "Well you came home around 3AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with your mother!"
His replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
So guys, moral of the story: The right words at the right time REALLY counts!!
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7
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Another Hit On Blondes!
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Posted:Jan 16, 2007 5:17 pm
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2012 11:49 pm
8178 Views
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Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her , and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she opened the door just a crack and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of the house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
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3
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Fancy T-Shirts
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Posted:Jan 8, 2007 10:50 pm
Last Updated:Dec 19, 2012 11:56 pm
8135 Views
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Wheewww! It's been a hectic 4 weeks, I'll tell ya! Still not done yet and got a couple more new big projects to work on. I love it, though. Have very little time to catch up to everybody in Blogville but I love new challenges and these projects are very exciting.
If the projects I'm working on are successful it means we stand a good chance to get new/bigger business coming in for the company. There's lots of pressure but just knowing that it's a chance for us to get more business keeps my mood up. Don't really have a chance to catch up on everyone's blogs but I intend to do so hopefully soon when I get a little break in between. Hopefully by then this frustrating Internet slowdown will also be rectified!
Some days ago a friend e-mailed something quite funny to me. It was pictures of people wearing T-Shirts with funny pictures or words on them. Thought I'd share one with you. Unfortunately I lost that mail so I don't have the pictures but I distinctly remember this one of a guy who had a T-Shirt which says:
W : washing
I : ironing
F : fucking
E : etc
So this got me to thinking surely it can't be so one-sided, and I came up with this:
H : Hideous
U : Unreasonable
S : Sexist
B : Ball scratching Bastard
A : Absolute Asshole
N : Numbnuts
D : Dork!
What else can you come up with for H-U-S-B-A-N-D?
Throw it in here and let's see what we got, shall we?
New year cheers to all and have a fucking good day!
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6
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I'm All Shook Up!
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Posted:Dec 13, 2006 11:58 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2013 11:50 pm
8281 Views
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Wow! What a week it's been. I've been having so much time the last couple of weeks that I could do much more blogging. All of a sudden so much stuff is happening around me that I hardly got a chance to even read much less comment or post anything new!
I've been so loaded down with work. Currently handling a few big projects and it's taking up most of my time. From the way it looks, I guess this will go on until probably January! Yeah, I know. That's bad news. That means I have practically no time for blogville and I hate that so much.
But I guess being busy at work is also good for me coz I can get fucking lazy, know what I mean?
Anyways, just thought at least I'll drop ya'll a line so you know I'm still around, I miss you all, and I'm gonna catch up to ya soon as I can.
Chiao!
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16
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The Pastor & The Ass
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Posted:Dec 6, 2006 6:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2012 12:08 am
8327 Views
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A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local newspaper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
The Bishop couldn't stand it, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES ... HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE!
The Bishop was buried the next day.
Moral of the story: Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery ... be yourself and enjoy life ... you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
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To link to this blog (Luvwetcunt1000) use [blog Luvwetcunt1000] in your messages.
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