"Cheaters" ...  

LuvsToLick53 64M  
24 posts
7/30/2006 2:52 pm

Last Read:
7/15/2008 1:41 am

"Cheaters" ...

Okay, I'll be up front about this ... I'm married, but I'm on this site looking for others to enjoy sex with. There, that was a non-judgmental statement of the facts.

Why am I here? Because, as I stated in my profile, my sex life has reached a "dead-end" at home. The wife seems to be one of those you read about (or see on Oprah) whose sex drive has declined, and declined, and declined ... You get the picture ... She just doesn't seem to need it.

I've had my "discussions" with her (okay, arguments at times), stressing that sex is an important part of me, what I need, and that she just doesn't seem to need it as much or think that it's as important as I do. It just hasn't seemed to matter. Thus my terming it, a "dead end".

Now, what should I do about it? Well, I have some choices, of course, some better than others. Now, just to put things in perspective ... we've been married for a while (over 10 years is all I'll say), and YES, there are children involved (how many and what ages is irrelevant here) ... so some of my choices would affect more than just myself and my wife.

Option 1 - Do I choose to leave the marriage and any children? No, that just doesn't seem like the right thing to do, as it would cause a lot of hurt.
Option 2 - Should I "inform" my wife that I plan to get my needs elsewhere? No, as this would just lead to Option 1.
Option 3 - Do I just "do without" (or just learn to accept masturbation as my "new limit")? Well, I'm not ready to accept that yet.
Option 4 - Do I seek to quench this desire with an occassional "cheating episode"?

So, here I am ... looking for a No Strings Attached (NSA) meeting ... just for sex ... trying to find someone ... or someones ... that are either in the "same boat" as I, or just want to "add something" ... not expecting a long term thing ... it might be a one time meeting ... it might be a few times ... but it could be an on-going thing ... but, it would still be "just for sex".

Call me a "cheater", if you must. You really don't have to justify your decision to not meet with "cheaters". That's your right to choose. (But, can you ever really be sure?) I still think it's my best choice at this time, and I'll just have to learn to associate with those people that are a little more understanding of my situation.

Sometimes life decisions are just not easy to make.

VCF1962 105F

7/30/2006 3:07 pm

Hmm - and how would you feel if you found out she was cheating on you which is why she doesn't want sex with you ???

Just a question.

Mistress Innuendo
Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!

LuvsToLick53 replies on 6/26/2007 5:17 pm:
I guess I would be quite puzzled, since (as I think I said) we've had a couple arguments where I mentioned that sex was very important to me, but just doesn't seem so to her ...

And, I guess if you knew the situation better, and the many things going on in our lives, you'd come to the same conclusion I would ... That just ain't happening ...

But, if it was ... Well, I guess we'd have to discuss a "more open" marriage where we both would be free to seek such things elsewhere ...

sweetieFLgirl4u 39F

7/30/2006 3:29 pm

I am wondering if you have tried to address this question with her to help her realize how important it is to you, and it is really unfair of her to withhold herself completely from you and expect you to just grin and bear it.

I am coming from a somewhat similar situation, so I sympathize, but I was thinking you could try counseling first.

LuvsToLick53 replies on 7/30/2006 11:32 pm:
Thanks for your sympathy. I fear it's beyond any counseling help, but it's a thought.

You, in a similar situation?? I just looked over your listing, and don't see why ... You are so fantastic looking!! Good luck in your new search!!

SlimGoodGuy 38M

7/30/2006 3:47 pm

Discussions or arguments as you call them, raises a red flag for me. This kind of thing happens every day. It sounds like the discussion was more about how YOU needed it and less about what's going on with her. I would strongly advise you to investigate this further. Getting her to talk with her physician may be in order. You have to start somewhere. She's your wife and you should feel some sort of responsibility to see why she feels the way she does. If you're ready to stray outside your marriage, you obviously haven't covered all the bases yet, even if you think you have. You need to get your wife to open up to you on this. You're talking, but not really communicating. Maybe she really is unhappy with life. Is sex the only thing she feels this apathetic about? Who knows? Maybe she's not having sex with you because she's got someone on the side. Things tend to go that way pretty quick when you start hearing things like "dead end."

LuvsToLick53 replies on 7/30/2006 11:36 pm:
Well, of course I didn't detail all that's gone on over the many, many years. She has seen a physician about this ... but that was also long ago. Someone on the side? I guess that's possible, but so very, very unlikely. (I'd have to divulge too much here to make you see the whole picture, and won't do that, of course.)

sensualgirfriend 58F

7/30/2006 3:53 pm

Wow, pure bliss would be finding a partner who has the same sexual needs and wants as you do.

The only decision that will satisfy everyone so that all can experience that contentment is to divorce and move on. The hurt can be healed, but the hurt that comes from you being caught or the guilt you will feel is, in my opinion, much worse. I speak of this because I know from first hand experience, if you're going to stay with your wife, then you must accept your situation. Again, only my opinion, I will never judge you or anyone else.

If/When you find a woman who is willing to be a 'just for sex' person, keep in mind that there is a possibility that she will fall for you (or you for her), then who gets hurt? I can't speak for all women, but 'just for sex' doesn't exist, in my mind. There is at least a friendship that is formed, a relationship, if you will. Unless it is a one night stand, then you can walk away, perhaps.

If you haven't already 'stepped out', I invite you to really think about it. Everyone deserves some happiness. I am sorry for your situation. I respect you for posting your concerns and options. I hope that in time your situation will improve. peace.

LuvsToLick53 replies on 7/31/2006 1:01 am:
I realize that, if I found a single lady that some "strings" may develop, even if that wasn't the initial intention ... and I =AM= concerned about that. (Maybe I'll find a couple that wants someone to join in ... there may be less of a risk there ... don't know.)

Thanks for the comments AND the attitude in which you presented them.

EATiT_b4iT_eATsU 59M/30F
2 posts
8/3/2006 11:05 am

Your at the point where YOU must make a decision whether to continue the marriage and seek professional marriage/sex counseling, or end the marriage and get on with the life you wish to live. Your decision to seek sexual pleasure outside of your household will only cause you and everyone else involved more pain and heartache than a night of bliss is worth. It's only a matter of time before your activities become exposed or you begin to develop feelings for another, regardless...you'll only create additional problems on-top of the ones you have now. I'm not here to judge, i'm not here to condemn your actions or the choices you made, I do hope you decide something before it causes your kids any unwanted suffering, you'll still have them if you end the marriage clean, if the marriage MUST end because of your infidelity, their view of you might not be so positive. We must make decisions everyday, some easier than others, all have consequences. We made the decision on AdultFriendFinder, not to play with married men and become implicated in any marital dispute.
The ball's in your court...Good luck

LuvsToLick53 replies on 8/3/2006 11:54 pm:
Well, thanks for your comments. I understand the risk I'm taking, but I haven't fully thought about others being so wary ... I've seen the "No Drama" postings many times, but just figured I wouldn't be bringing any with me ... (Maybe I'm just too naive on that subject ...)

Re. counseling - I just fear that would bring so much to the surface that it would result in the worst ... (can one REALLY "end the marriage cleanly"?? I doubt this would happen with me ...)

Anyway, my perspective on this is that "playing" occassionally with a couple (or couples) would be less a problem since there would be less chance of forming an emotional bound ... afterall, don't most couples that list here indicate they are "totally into each other" and that they "don't play alone", etc. If they are looking for a "3rd wheel" to just add some excitement, and I'm looking to provide that excitement, then it COULD work out ... (Now another risk would be if THEY weren't as stable as they say they are ... )

I can respect your decision to avoid married men. I'm just hoping to find some couples that are more understanding of my situation.

lacey_longlegs 50F

6/26/2007 3:57 am

Oh please! What does it say under AdultFriendFinder???? It says the world's largest SEX and SWINGER site! If you want to join a site that doesn't "do" cheaters, go there....there are tons of them! ....get real people!

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