Why???? Why Not!!?!  

LustyTaurus 48M  
12038 posts
2/16/2006 5:50 am

Last Read:
2/23/2012 8:51 pm

Why???? Why Not!!?!

...not necessarily in that order.

I'll make this short and not so sweet. I want to play and try some things. My girl doesn't. Ok...fine. Here's the thing tho, we talked about this before we got married, agreed in principle and in fact talked about things, and I thought we were on the same page.

In the past, she even had a threesome with her ex-boyfriend and the new girlfriend.

Life is busy for many years, kids, work etc and that part is left alone.

Long story short, now she isn't interested. Her attitude is life is good, been there done that...deal with it.

If her fantasy was to do the defensive secondary of the Green Bay Packers, I would do everything in my power to make it happen for her.

Why doesn't she give a flying fuck about what I want? And what do I do about it?

I don't want to fool around without her, mostly because it is such a huge hassle, but it would be great if we could share it together and frankly it hurts big time that she won't especially since she's "been there done that".

It is especially frustrating when I am making friends here, and connections and it's so confounded complicated to fulfill fantasies this way.

I'm sorry for such a downer post, but FFFUUUUUCCCCKKK!!!@ how did I get myself in this situation?

rm_Ellenback 58F
966 posts
2/16/2006 6:32 am

Wow, LustyTaurus, you're in a rock and a hard place, aren't you? My only advice is personal, based on experience, because I went through the exact same thing, hon.

I understand where both of you are coming from. I got into 'fooling around' a little before letting my EX know that I might be interested in doing some swinging, which you may slam me for, but he'd been cheating on me for 10 years solid by that time. Once I told him, though, he was all for it, and that's what we did and where we went.

Problem is, that's all we did. We barely made love together anymore, and OMG if I wanted to skip a night? Hissy fitz on his part, God forbid that the star couldn't make it. Yes, he became a real popular guy at the clubs and parties, and was eventually accepted there by himself when I couldn't go. I had a bit of a rough time with all of that, because I lost MY man to it. It can become an obsession, and addiction, and it can threaten the stability of a marriage.

So please cherish her, think twice about why you want to do this, and look at the fact that maybe she is just not ready in her life to move forward with the fantasy fulfillment at this time.


angelofmercy5 59F
17881 posts
2/16/2006 7:23 am

I like Ellenbacks answer. And all women want to be cherished. The one thing that I am learning is that in order to "swing"...there must be a huge amount of trust and giving in the relationship. If you are not secure in that relationship, or the trust factor isn't there then it isn't going to happen. Oddly enough....part of the trust is feeling cherished, and protected.

saddletrampsk 54F

2/16/2006 8:47 am

I feel your pain..I am in the same situation..I just chose to play on my own..hang in there sweety..

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/16/2006 4:47 pm

Thanks for sharing all of that Ellen. I know the "grass is greener mentality" is a dangerous one, and I'll get it figured out. I really value feedback and having a place to vent.

Thanks for stopping by.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/16/2006 4:49 pm

Marchbrown1--remarkably, yes she does and I make no effort to hide it, and she makes no effort to be involved.

Thanks for stopping by, and good question.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/16/2006 4:50 pm

Angelofmercy--I am probably guilty of throwing in the towel in that respect....being frustrated as I am, thanks for the input...I do value all of it.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/16/2006 4:52 pm

Hey Saddle...you are a rock, and a friend. Thankyou.

MONA_14 30F

2/17/2006 5:18 am

I enjoyed reading your blog and wish that you are our Friends

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/17/2006 3:30 pm

thanks...you look great by the way.

caressmewell 53F

2/17/2006 7:57 pm

Hang in there...my hubby doesn't want to play..I have to go elsewhere.

angelwoarose 41F

2/18/2006 7:46 am

Could be she is afraid that if she shares you she may lose you. Especially if she did things with and ex and his current girlfriend....she may see the other woman as a threat instead of a playmate. Plus trust goes in there as well....if the play would only be as a couple or if you are going to see them privately.

It's a rough situation. She may not realise just how badly this is effecting the relationship.

Hang in there...it will get better *hugs and kisses*

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/18/2006 8:10 am

Thanks caress.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/18/2006 8:13 am

Huny...I suppose that's possible. Thanks.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/18/2006 8:17 am

angel...she definately sees other women as a threat, being jealous etc...and its irritating as hell. That attitude is very counterproductive. I'm defending myself for things I've never done...makes me think if I'm going to do the time I may as well do the crime.

Thanks again for your thoughts.

rm_FreeLove999 46F
16127 posts
2/18/2006 2:04 pm

i dunno what to say. i too would like to explore with my husband -- try some threesomes etc. not only won't he do it, our sex life has crashed completely (he is not kinky and "embarrassed" to explore). so i just decided i wanted these experiences and i'm gonna do it alone -- he is ok with that. frankly, even on a level of my personal safety in meeting strange men, i would think he would see the logic of doing things differently, but cest la vie. i've been doing what i do for two years, we are still married, and on every other level our relationship is great. so yeah, somehow you are just gonna have to find a way to deal with it!

[blog freelove999]

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
2/18/2006 4:36 pm

Freelove...yep, I agree. Thanks for some good thoughts.

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