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Treating Women like the Goddesses they "are" (Working on it again)
Treating Women like the Goddesses they "are" (Working on it again)
In the beginning...
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.” - Genesis 2: 18, 21-23 (New American Standard Bible)
Not only is religion hard to understand, but the English language in general can be just as hard to understand. The words have so many different meanings that we see them in various writings and yet have to really stop and think about what they mean in their particular pieces.
The Holy Bible is without a doubt one of the greatest writings ever produced. Although the world today is not as challenged by religion as it once was, it still effects virtually every corner of the world. The above passage is the very thing in which many seem to manipulate more than any other one. Many religious organizations teach that women should not have the same rights as men. Many of them also teach that women were placed on Earth as a servant to men. I must stop and wonder about these teachings… if God were so loving and kind then why on Earth would he ever create something only to be a servant to another? In order to understand what has happened within this we must look to the actual definitions of the word that is being used; in this case the word is “companion.” According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the word servant can have the following meanings: one that accompanies another, one that is closely connected with something similar, or one employed to live with and serve another.
It is here that we see the English language manipulated in its biggest form. Based off the fact that women have so much power over men just through mere physical attraction, men have thus degraded them by claiming they were strictly meant to be man’s servant.
“Women are peonies, spring flowers, lotuses and bowers. Women are pomegranates, peaches, melons and pearls. Women are receptacles, crucibles, vessels and worlds. Women are the fruit of life, the nourishing force of nature.” - Yuan-Shin Yeh-Ting Chi
Acting like a gentlemen
“It has been my observation that the surest way to guarantee a man’s ability to turn on a woman and drive her mad with desire is through good old-fashioned courting.” - Lou Paget
In today’s times many cultures are mixed, this seems to have resulted in some very good effects and has also resulted in some very negative effects. One of these negative effects has come to the manners in which many men use when in the presence of a woman. It would appear that men have lost sight of why manners are important during their younger and middle years. Not only have they lost sight of these very valuable things but even the ones who do use them often currently only direct them at someone that they are romantically or hoping that they might become romantically involved with. Manners are about respect and not about getting the opportunity to score, or get lucky with someone.
We all obviously get raised with some kind of belief system. As we get older we often find a new belief system to follow or end up learning to strengthen the one that we had been raised to believe in. I personally believe in humanity and do not rely on biblical theories; the bible does have a great deal to do with humanity though interestingly enough. Let’s face it, there are certain ways that you do treat people and there are of course certain ways that you do not treat people. Always treat others as you yourself wish to be treated. When it comes to women, they should in fact be treated even better then you want to be treated yourself. So let me ask you gentlemen… if you were a woman, how would you desire to be treated? How you treat a woman can not only effect her opinion of you; it can in turn end up effecting her opinion of men in general over the course of time. There are some women who are initially bi-sexual and end up becoming totally gay due to the constant mistreatment they receive from men. I know that that probably sounds ridiculous or impossible to many of you men, but I know several personally that this has happened with.
Here is a basic list of things to work on when it comes to the general treatment of women and even you. Remember that your actions towards women not only effect the relationship you are in but could also end up effecting all future relationship’s that both her and you eventually have. I am sure that some of these will seem ridiculous to many of you more modern guys, I can assure you however that many women would love to be treated with the care I am mentioning.
Maintain good table manners: It does not matter if you are within your own home, or out in public, there are certain things that are okay and then there are certain things that are not okay. Sitting at home in private with the family, out in public with the family, perhaps out on a date, at work, or even just hanging out with friends… there are certain ways in which one should behave. I could sit here and say that you should never have your elbows on the table and that you should always place a napkin in your lap. I am however not going to lecture on these particular things because they are a matter of personal taste. I am going to say however that one should not engage in yelling or raising their voice to frequently. Saying, “excuse me” after passing gas is a very big courtesy issue. It is considerably more appropriate to actually leave the table to do these things, but if by accident you do pass gas then you should apologize for it. I know that it is already embarrassing enough to disrupt the meal as is, but it is even more disruptive to not offer an apology after interrupting the meal. Be mindful of your language in general, you are obviously not the only person there and one should make sure that your language would not offend the others. I would not suggest foul language at all even if your party does not mind it, however that is obviously your judgement call and not mine.
Stand when a woman enters or leaves a room: It is always important to acknowledge a woman’s presence when she is around. Coming or going, women deserve your attention at all times.
Kneel to kiss a woman’s hand when meeting: This is something that is not too common in the West and even in the modern world in general. I personally believe that men are to be at the mercy of anything truly beautiful. Let’s face it, women are without a doubt the most sensational and beautiful of all creations. This is not about totally submitting to a woman; it is about initial respect. It takes a moment from whatever situation you are currently in to show a woman that you have noticed her. Let’s face it, most women love to be noticed now don’t they? I shall make a reminder though that I am talking about kissing the back of her hand in a very gentle fashion. Do not become aggressive with this or try to abuse its real meaning.
Carry items for her: This appears to be another thing that is no longer very common in modern society. Perhaps women see it as a control issue, kind of like saying that they are not strong enough to carry something. It should give the message that as a man you do not believe a woman should have to carry “to many” items at once. Try to focus this on certain situations such as, helping with groceries, luggage, shopping bags, etc. If you see a woman carrying more then her arms seem to desire to contain then relieve that burden from her. While offering to carry something for a woman when she has a bag or a book in her hand seems nice, you have to remember that it really isn’t making the same impact as it would if she were to have a stack or books or a handful of bags.
Open the door for her: Back in history it was common for men to have women lead the way due to the possibility of attack or ambush. I find this absolutely horrifying that any man would value his life over that of a woman. Things are no longer as brutal as they once were; obviously there is not a fear of attack or ambush in our day to day lives anymore. Opening the doors for a woman is yet another one of those things that some women today take great offense to because it could once again possibly mean that a man is trying to say the woman is weak. I do not do this because I think women are weak, I just do not think a woman should have to be burdened with such minor things. Try and avoid smart comments when doing this for a woman, just hold the door for her and give a little nod if you feel it appropriate. Saying “after you ma’am” is something that could seem sweet or possibly offensive, try to avoid it unless you know that particular woman well. Saying, “ladies first” is probably yet another phrase that could possibly be offensive to a woman that you do not know. I would stick to a nod or nothing at all until you know your audience.
Pull out the chair for her: Women should again not have to be burdened with such petty things. It shows your loyalty and keeps it in her mind that you know she is present. Never allow a woman to begin to think that you are not thinking of her, we all know where such thoughts can lead. No point in wandering down a path that I am sure many of you men have wandered before, as the old saying goes “flattery will get you everywhere.”
Maintain eye contact: Eye contact is a very important thing! I am sure many people will agree that a person’s eyes can reveal a lot about themselves. Always keep eye contact in general when in a conversation with someone, but especially when you are in a conversation with a woman! This helps them to know you are actually interested and paying attention to them and what they have to say.
Watch your alcohol: Many people enjoy a drink now and again, some doctors even say a shot a day is actually good for you. Us men tend to be a little heavier in the drinking department. This needs to be monitored by you because it presents a negative image of you to your partner and any possible future partner(s) that sees you that way. Remember that there is a time and a place for everything, drinking all the time is not going to show you in good manner(s), your actions will slip, your words can slip, and the list goes on about possible issues it can cause. I am not saying to stop drinking, just limit how much. A lot of guys seem it nice to go home and pop open a beer before doing anything else! The first thing you should always do is acknowledge your wife or girlfriend and then your children (if you have them). Remember to put them first!
Watch the language: I do not like these words in person or even just casually mentioning them here, but words like these… pussy, cunt, bitch, slut, whore, dike, and the list goes on (you have the idea). These words are not okay to be using, some women might like hearing them when in certain moods, but the majority of them will not and until you know that you should not even think them let alone say them! Never use them around anyone not even other guys! Doing so could make you accidentally slip some time when you are around a woman. There is a time and a place for everything, this however is one that really does not normally have a time or place.
Hygiene: As guys we tend to slack on a lot of things that women do not and hygiene is most certainly one of them! Here is a simple list of some things to look out for…
Facial Hair: Depending on where you live you may tend to want a winter beard or goatee. Make sure you keep this trimmed up! You may want to buy a set of shavers or clippers and every couple of weeks cut a little off it to keep the edges softer. Using shampoo or conditioner is a nice thing as well because it keeps it soft. There is nothing worse then prickling someone when you are close to him or her in a passionate way, you also do not want to tickle them. A woman suddenly laughing when you are kissing her might toss a crossed signal now wouldn’t it? If you want to stay clean cut then I would recommend keeping it that way all the time. Not doing so will get your face rough like sandpaper in-between days and that is far worse then a prickly beard or goatee.
Clothing: You need to make sure that your clothes are always clean! I know some guys who do not wash their clothes very often and others who do not change their underwear on a daily basis. This does not look good and it most certainly does not smell good. You also want to make sure you have clothing for different occasions, you may not like going to dressy places but it never hurts to have at least one set of nice clothes for a special event or date. If you are with a woman who knows you hate dressing up… she will be very impressed if she suddenly sees you dressed up! That is a clear signal that you obviously mean business!
The bedroom: Keep your bedroom clean at all times, especially if you are a guy who dates often. No woman wants to sleep on dirty sheets especially if they are dirty from another woman! Imagine how much of a turn-off it would be for a woman to see stains from another women or stains from you while you finished with another woman. Not all women are going to expect that you are a virgin, or a modest person in general, but at least let them have the opportunity for that dream!
Your home: Keep your place clean whether it is an apartment, or a house. Make sure the floors are clean and the dishes are clean. I know some guys who hate doing to dishes so much that they will eat from a can… I find this very disturbing! Dirty dishes and dirty floors cause odors, and odors are something that you do not want! Lighting a scented candle or incense once and awhile won’t kill you, actually it will help even if you happen to be a really clean person. Not only does the way you physically look set an example to a woman of who you are, but your home is also something that sets an example of which you are.
Request, don’t demand: We all have things that we want and desire so make sure that when you are asking for something that you do it as a request and not as a demand. It is not polite nor is it a turn-on when someone tries to force you to do something.
Be faithful: Time and time again I have seen and heard guys ask questions about what is cheating and what is not cheating. I must say that if you are in a situation where this kind of question actually crosses your mind then you are already in a situation that you should not be in. Cheating on someone is not only physically violating to them but it is emotional hell as well. I think a lot of people only think of cheating as wrong for religious reasons, when really you need to just think about humanity and your partners feelings. If you truly care about the woman you are with then you would not allow or even think of such things. If your relationship is on the rocks and you have tried everything you can think of to fix it and it has not worked, then end the relationship before you take the risk of cheating and hurting them.
Listen: When someone is speaking to you then turn to them and make eye contact. Do not just nod along or say “okay” a few times, as this is very annoying. If you really do not want to talk right then, then make sure to politely tell them that. You should also make sure that you make a mental note though and find them later to have the conversation that they were trying to have.
Emotions: There is such a thing as being a wimp and there is also such a thing as being too manly. Crying is a perfect example, many guys think it is wimpy if they end up crying at any point in time. Guys, it is not about crying instead, it is about knowing when and why to cry. Showing that you have emotion does not make you less of a man; it makes you more of a man. Most certainly do not walk around with tears in your eyes all the time. However, shedding a tear while watching a romantic movie or anything like that is not always a bad thing. Most women know guys try and be all tough and macho and know that sometimes it is all just a stupid act. While women love a man to be there for them, they also sometimes like being there for you as it makes them feel a new kind of “being needed”.
As I mentioned with the alcohol bit, you need to make sure you are being fair with your partner. A lot of guys tune people out when sporting events are on or even just when friends are around. Never ignore someone especially someone you care about! If you do not want to be interrupted then perhaps you should see if she would like to have one of her friends over or perhaps leave for the afternoon and do some shopping or whatever she likes to do). The basic point being that you both matter equally, make sure you do not make your partner think that you don’t care about their needs and desires. If you do this then you won’t need to have as good of listening skills because obviously she is going to be happier and therefore not bugging you or nagging at you about these kinds of things.
Obviously this is not everything that is involved in acting like a gentlemen. It is however, a very good starting point to help you in thinking of other ways in which you should treat a woman. You can now take the short list above and think in similar terms and guidelines to help maintain proper respect for both the woman you are with as well as all women in general.
“Something that every woman deserves”
It never hurts to take a moment from your day to give a gift to your loved one. Many people seem to think that all gifts require money. This is not the case… there are numerous things in which you can do for a woman that does in fact involve spending money. There are also numerous things that you could do in which you do not have to spend any money at all. Sometimes the cheap and simple gifts are actually more meaningful then the big expensive ones.
Remember that when you do something for someone else (especially someone you love) it should not be done with the expectation of getting something in return. The definition of a gift is… something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation. If by chance you do happen to get something in return then you could accept it, or if you wish you may decline it. Do not go off getting upset though if you do not get anything out of it. Giving something only to get something is not what gifts are all about! If you give a gift to someone and they give one back to you then it is not really an exchange. Obviously you have done something that made them feel something and they suddenly desire to make you feel something similar in return.
Here is a short list of things you can do for your loved one to show your appreciation or affection…
Send her flowers: Flowers are something that many women enjoy, there are a few things to consider when sending a woman flower’s though. Flowers do eventually die; therefore you want to make sure they are as fresh as possible. If you go out on a date and bring flowers then you have to remember that once the date is over the flowers then become a representation of your feelings for her and overall impression of her. If you really care for her then you would take the little bit of extra time or money required in making sure that the flowers are fresh. Every time she looks at them she is going to remember you, obviously the longer they last the longer she will remember your gesture.
Something to keep in mind when getting a woman flowers is the meaning of the flowers you send. Yes, it is true; flowers do actually have different meanings! For instance… a red rose can be a representation of love and respect, just respect, or just love. It is most common though for the red rose to be a symbol of love. A yellow rose is commonly a representation of friendship. You can mix these two flowers to send a message of “a loving friendship” if you desire to. The real point being in the fact that you can actually create a secret message with the mixture of different flowers. There will be many women who would decipher you message quickly and others who will have absolutely no idea what possible message it gives.
You do not always have to actually go to a store and buy the flowers. You can always stop along the side of the road and pick a wild flower(s) to bring home. You could also take them from your own garden (if you have one) before you walk into the house. Either way, it is the thought that counts!
Breakfast in bed: While your lady is asleep you can sneak out of bed and prepare her a nice breakfast of your choice. Obviously it would help a great deal to know what her preference is and then prepare something that suits it. Grab a tray and bring it up to her, place the tray next to her. Gently awaken her, when she awakens she will be greeted with a pleasant surprise! Always a good way to start off the day now isn’t it? Nothing is better then a beautiful and genuine smile from a woman!
Cook a dinner: Even today many women still seem to mainly be the cook of a lot of households. Sometimes it can be a real treat to cook the dinner so she does not have to. This would work well just about any given day; it would work best though if you happen to know your lady has had a rather stressful or bad day. Obviously she would be even more stressed at the idea of having to go right home and prepare a meal. Imagine her surprise if she was to walk in and see a meal already prepared! Talk about a sudden stress relief and true moment of happiness.
Jewelry: Jewelry can be a tricky thing… not all women like jewelry and some women are actually allergic to certain types. This is something that you should buy if you know the woman you are buying it for. Nothing is worse then spending a large amount of money and then getting it home to her just to discover she does not like it or is unable to wear it. This could result in possibly a bigger hassle then anything else, I know it is a very nice gesture, but you may want to stick with something that won’t possibly backfire.
Calling to say hello: Sounds strange doesn’t it? Sometimes it is very nice for a man to make a spontaneous call to his lady that will show her he has been thinking of her even while they are apart.
Cuddling: Us men are known for only getting close to a woman when we want to get a piece of action. Imagine the surprise when you actually get close to your lady without actually trying to take it further. Wrap your arms around her and hold her, bring your head to hers and just lay there. Allow her to feel the warmth of your body and the thump of your heart within your chest. Allow yourselves to drift away together to a far off place and just relax.
You may just decide to take a moment to gently run your fingers through her hair. Perhaps gently run your fingers over her thighs and stomach. This is a time for enjoying each others company though, and the object is not to get some action from her.
Allow a little free time: Our lives can become very chaotic rather quickly can’t they? If you happen to be a married couple with children then I am sure you know this all to well! If your wife happens to be the one who deals with the children most of the time then it can be a very nice surprise for her if you change the role. Take the initiative to arrange the opportunity for her to go and get away. Take the children out of her hair so that she may use a much earned and needed hour or two alone where she could possibly just sit and relax, read, or maybe even take a nice warm and relaxing bath. What she wants to do is her choice, but you need to be the one to create the opportunity.
Go for a quiet walk: I must say that even when you are alone it is very peaceful and relaxing to sometimes go for a walk. This could be a stroll along the beach, a walk through the woods, or walking down the street after a nice snowfall.
This is one of the reasons I love the state I live in so much. The population is pretty small as is, but after a fresh snowfall it is nearly totally dead outside. Going out afterwards and walking around is wonderful cause the snow is covering the trees, it crunches lightly under your feet as you walk, overall it is very enjoyable. It provides a temporary escape from all the worries and troubles of the world.
Do the dishes: Many homes today all have automatic dishwashers, not all of them do though. If your woman happens to be the one who not only cooks but also does the dishes afterwards as well then you could relieve some of the duties from her. If she has to ask you to do the dishes then you have just failed. The trick is to get up somewhat promptly without being asked and do the very thing that she would normally do. This is a very small but possibly very meaningful gesture. It could give her a small moment of time where she can now go relax, or maybe she will join you and dry them as you wash. Either way you have just gained something, either given her an added moment of relaxation, or got an extra moment of time together in a joint activity.
Draw her a bath: There are lots of women out there who enjoy the relaxation that comes from soaking in a nice warm bath. Light some candles and scatter them around the room to cast a gentle illumination and then toss in some bath salts or some bubble bath and allow the tub to fill. (Make sure the aroma’s all compliment each other otherwise it could become a environment that is not very enjoyable very quickly). If she has had a long day at work or even just around the house then she will be very pleased to be able to walk into such a gentle environment.
Dance with her: Not everyone likes to dance, but for those who do… allow yourself to be caught in the moment. It does not matter if there is actually music playing or not, if you feel the sudden urge to sweep your woman into your arms and dance then go ahead and do it! It will have a much bigger effect if it is unexpected then it would be if you actually planned on going to a club or ball.
Write her a note: Sometimes it is wonderful to just leave a simple note somewhere that your woman might not normally look. You could leave it in a dresser drawer so she is surprised when she opens it. You could leave a note on the bathroom mirror if you know she is about to go right in after you have taken a shower. You could arrange the refrigerator magnets to say a special message.
The last time I was visiting my brothers house I noticed that there was a ton of miniature magnets all over the refrigerator. Each magnet has one word, and they we arranged into a poem. I stopped to ask them who had done the poem. They told me that they make it a daily ritual for one of them to leave a note or poem on the refrigerator using the magnets. Sometimes they blindfold one another and then they each pick ten words. Once they pick the ten words they then try and figure out a way for them to describe their feelings or relationship with each other using only those words.
This is a perfect example of what I am talking about. Sometimes little things like this can be a great deal of fun and have very some very deep meaning.
Start her car: If you happen to live in a cold area where you get snow some of the months in the year then you can make it a point to go out and start her car for her in the morning. Take the time to brush it off and let it heat up so when she gets out there she doesn’t have to freeze her butt off.
A picnic at work: You can always drop by her office unexpected with a picnic basket and have lunch together.
Compliment her: Always remind her how beautiful she looks, how great she smells, and so on and so on. With some women, flattery is the most wonderful thing to them. Never pass up the opportunity to tell and show a woman how you feel about her.
Obviously there are more things that you can do for her. Every woman has different desires; this should help get you thinking in the right direction though.
Setting the mood
(A few ways to make her hot)
As you have just seen there are a lot of big and even little things that you can do to show your appreciation and affection to your partner. It is very important to do these things if you want to maintain a strong and healthy relationship. Remember that “variety is the spice of life”, if you follow that saying, you will succeed a lot more often.
While I do not believe in doing things for someone in hopes of a return, there are sometimes you do hope for a return. Sex should be natural and not planned on. I know that there are a lot of married couples who end up making a rule that there is a certain night or nights of the week that they will definitely have sex on. I think with a bit of effort that could be changed to a more flexible thing and not restricted to a general rule. I know that our lives can become very crazy, very quickly. However, we need to do what we can to make sure that we set time aside for ourselves, our relationships and out families. The following is a list of various ways you could try and set a mood that could result in having sex… Remember that these kinds of things are nice even if it does not result in being able to have sex! These ideas are for how to get a woman in the mood and do not address what to do once you have her in the mood; you will find this information in the later section starting in… Part Three “Erogenous zones”.
Limit distractions: You need to remember to set aside some time between you and your partner. Unplug the answering machine, tell the friends or family that you are away or busy and escape from the world together. Obviously if you are trying to be romantic or make love in general then you do not want a distraction!
Sponge baths: I did mention before that you could draw your woman a bath and give her the time to soak and relax while you attend to other matters. In this instance it could do you well to join her… Light some candles, toss in some bath salts, and then the bubble bath (make sure that all your aromas match otherwise it will not be a pleasant smell). Don’t forget that music adds a very nice touch, however make sure it is relaxing music as something like heavy metal is not going to have the effect you desire. The point is to at least relax, if you happen to get to have sex with her then that it the bonus, but not the only point.
Once you have the stage set, you have to know how to act… I would recommend that you lead her into the bathroom, once you get in there allow her a moment to take in the setting. If she happens to have a positive reaction then you can take the opportunity to slowly undress her. This is a moment that you want to take your time with! You do not want her to feel that all you desire is to see her naked, undressing her to quickly will end up doing just that. Remove her clothing slowly piece by piece; allow your hands to stay in contact with her body for as long as possible before it comes off. The feel of various fabrics can provide very erotic sensations, and at this point you are using that to your advantage. Once you get to remove her bra and panties… do not look at either area, keep your eyes fixated on hers so that she knows you care once again about her and not just her body. A lot of women believe that the eyes can often reveal more about a person then anything else can, and I agree with them about this. (If you are not comfortable with undressing her then you can just slowly undress yourself while she watches, once you are in the tub she will most likely follow your lead). If you undress her then take one of her hands and slowly lead her into the water. Once she is in you can now take the time to slowly undress yourself while she is watching. Once again, this is not something that you should rush. If you are trying to actually be romantic and kind then what good is rushing going to do?
Once you have slowly removed your clothes, climb into the tub so that you are sitting behind her. Take this time to wrap your arms around her and sink into your surroundings. You can softly dip your hands in the water and run your fingers through her hair, or you can lightly kiss her neck and shoulders, remember that you are not trying to be aggressive, instead you are trying to be seductive! After you have allowed her the opportunity to lay in your arms and feel loved, grab a sponge and “slowly” begin to wash her. Start with her neck, arms, and hands… dipping the sponge back in the water with each new area that you progress to. From here you should move to her stomach, washing around her belly and belly button gently. At this point you probably want to go further down, instead you want to go back up, to her breasts. Slowly use the sponge to tease her nipples (which will most likely get them erect if they already aren’t). If you want to add a nice touch then focus on kissing her neck or nibbling on her earlobes while you wash her breasts. Make sure to thoroughly wash every inch of her breasts and not just focus on the nipples, the nipples are just the teasers.
From here you should have her move around so that she is facing you and begin to move down to her thighs, washing the outside and inside. When you approach the inside you shouldn’t make a move in anyway toward her vulva. Focus on just her thighs and then work down to her calves. Your eyes should be mostly locked to hers while you are cleaning this area, a lot of women love to look into a man’s eyes because it reveals a lot about them. (In many instances a simple gaze can create a spark big enough to turn her on with the force and heat that normally only a bonfire would emit). Now you should move down to her feet, take extra care around each of her toes to show her just how attentive you really are of her health and feelings in general.
At this point it is now a toss up, she may now want to bath you like you just did her, or you may want to slowly move back up her calves and thighs to her vulva. If she is aroused and wants to bath you then I would suggest letting her do so as you have obviously accomplished what you wanted to do. Some women do love to take control and this is a time you will see it. Never stop a woman from what she wants, if she takes control then submit to her and allow her to do whatever she desires to do. Regardless of what you choose, I am going to address the way in which you should wash her vulva…
You must remember that this is all a seduction, the object is to please through an innocent tease. Do not actually push any part of the sponge into her vagina, instead you should run it up and down her labia while either looking into her eyes or gently stroking her thighs. Take the time to show appreciation for this area, a lot of guys do not show appreciation in any form other then inserting their penis into it. You can have her take a moment to lift her self up above the water or just actually get up and sit on the side of the tub. Once she has exposed the area more you can use one hand to spread her labia apart and wash around her urethral opening and around the base of her clitoral hood and clitoris. Move from here to washing around the top of her clitoral hood and pubic area.
Now is your call on what to do next, you can stop and leave it as a nice erotic bath or you can move in to working her erogenous zones (see below). Or perhaps she is aroused enough to the point that you can begin cunnilingus (eating her out… which is addressed later on). I would personally suggest doing this with your partner both with the intent of sex as well as without having that intention. It is a very wonderful way of showing each other affection! A lot of people are only naked together when they are getting ready to or actually are in a sexual act. Being naked together at times when you are not having sex will actually help you develop a more secure feeling about each other. The more secure you are then the more relaxed you will be, the more relaxed you are the better your orgasms and general sexual experiences will be.
Dancing: I think a lot of people are under the assumption that you actually have to go out in order to do certain things. Dancing is among one of these things that many would think you would actually have to go out to a ball or club to do or enjoy. The truth is that you can toss in a CD and grab her by the hand and begin dancing even while you are at home alone. This is not something that a lot of women would expect and thus that is exactly what could get her turned on.
Personally I am a classical music and ballroom dancing kind of guy, you may very well be a techno or heavy metal kind of person (or something different). Make sure that you know what kind of dancing suits the music choice. If it is classical then you will be doing more traditional dancing where you are making steady eye contact, but not really pressing your bodies together. If it is techno or rave then you will most likely end up in a very heavy trance that involves very constant contact with each other. A lot of rock music can also result in this and obviously for some women this contact will eventually get them very aroused. It really all depends on the women, some of them like the more elegant and romantic gentle touching and eye gazing, while some others like the bumping and grinding. If you know your partner then you obviously know what type to choose! Take your time and use your imagination, remember that you do not always have to spend money in order to have fun or be romantic!
A bed of roses: I mentioned before that flowers can be a very nice gesture for numerous reasons and occasions. In this instance you want to use the pedals of the flowers… drop them along the stairwell and hallway leading to your bedroom. Sprinkle them around the floor of your bed and the bed itself. Light some candles; toss in some sensual music, and strip down to your boxers. Make sure you have one rose left so that when your woman begins to enter the room, you have it between your teeth! (Laying down a bed of roses is something that a lot of royal families had as a luxury. In this instance it is the same type of thing, you want your woman to know she is the queen of your world!)
Reenactments: It would appear that a lot of men forget about special dates, and women always seem to remember them! Every once and awhile take the time to reenact your first date, the first time you made love, your wedding, or even just a vacation that happened to be very romantic for the two of you. Don’t just get her gifts that require money, put some serious thought and effort into what you do. Sometimes a meaningful thought can be more valuable then anything that your money can buy! Remembering the date is important, but a reenactment also shows that you remember what happened in detail on that specific day.
Feed each other food: This could be fruit, a desert, or maybe just a regular dinner. Take your time and do it slow, if you happen to be the one being fed then take the time to keep eye contact. If you see any sauce or juice drip onto her fingers then this is a golden opportunity to lick, kiss, and suck up whatever it is that dripped. As you know, those three things can create a spark very quickly if done correctly!
Snuggle up by a fire: An open fire pit or an indoor fireplace, this is a wonderful chance to cuddle up and loose yourself in the crackling sounds and dancing flames. After you have cuddled for awhile you can move and begin to give her a sensual massage… you never know, you might get more then you think!
Set up a video camera: Women know what this normally means, some will find it offensive though and therefore you should make sure you know how they will possibly react before you do it. Make sure you never show anyone these types of videos! This is personal between you and your partner and is not something to be shown around to the guys!
Light up the room: If you are with a woman who likes candles then I would suggest going overboard! Go out and buy 30 to 50 candles and set them up around the edges of the room and on the table next to the bed or headboard. Once you have them set up, go ahead and light them and turn off the main lights or lamps. Candlelight is very relaxing on the eyes and considering our seeing abilities is one of our greatest senses then it obviously does some good once and awhile to relieve them.
Watch a X-rated movie together: Not all women like this kind of thing, if you are with one that does then obviously watching other people have sex can spark arousal within her and yourself. You can use it as a guide and use the same positions with her as the people on the video are doing.
Get some sex books: There are a lot of women who actually buy sex books for their husbands or boyfriends as an innocent way to show them that they need to learn some new skills or improve the ones that they already have. Do not be offended by this if she happens to do this for you, obviously she cares a great deal about you otherwise she would not bother trying to drop the hint to you in a subtle manner.
In this instance you can show her just how much sex actually means to you. A lot of guys only want to get their penis wet and that is not a turn-on to a lot of women. By getting some material you can then show it to her, if it happens to be Kama-Sutra or something like it then you can say, “why don’t we give some of these a try?” I do not think there are a lot of women who would find this offensive, as it is a very mature way of adding some new fun.
Get some sex videos: They have sex books, but they also have sex videos that are similar to X-rated material but are actually instructional videos on sexual techniques and positions. If you watch it together she may decide to want to give some of the new information a try!
Go to a nude beach: Some women may find it very arousing to be seen by others, we all know as guys that a lot of us seem to naturally have this fantasy anyway. Don’t pressure her into it; allow her to feel it out and you may get a wonderful reaction.
Buy some erotica: Erotica is normally another form of pornography but often is not in such a straightforward manner. Often it is romance stories or only partially revealing pictures that help stimulate both the body and the mind. Many women like both types of stimulation oppose to just physical stimulation.
As with all of the other previously mentioned subjects… these are not the only things that you can do to help set a mood. Use your imagination and you are sure to see an increase in both activity and general happiness.
(Stroking the fire)
“Women generally like to feel that you are taking your time in pleasuring them. They do not want to feel that you are rushing to their genitals or clitoris” ‒ Steve Bodansky Ph.D. and Vera Bodansky Ph.D.
“Fabulous foreplay is all about enticing and exciting both her mind and her body.” ‒ Lou Paget
“Skin-the largest organ- covers the entire body in nerve endings. When sensitive areas are stroked, these nerve endings get stimulated and pockets of explosive sensation erupt. These touch-sensitive areas are known as erogenous zones.” ‒ Anne Hooper
“In the same way that getting her in the mood requires making her feel special, turning her on physically requires giving her your full attention. Is she feels that you are completely engaged in the moment, focused on her, on being with her and pleasing her, she is bound to open like a flower in the midday sun.” ‒ Lou Paget
Many of us men can become erect within 5 to 30 seconds. Women do not have this ability, they need time for their uterus to lift and thus get the vagina to expand. If the vagina does not have the appropriate time required to expand then the moment you try to insert your penis (penetrate), it can cause discomfort or serious pain to the woman. This is where erogenous zones and foreplay come into the picture.
Erogenous zones are the areas of a person’s body in which you focus on during foreplay, and foreplay being what you normally do before you have intercourse (some of you may know it as making-out).
There are always numerous ways that we can go about doing things. Take a vacation for example, some people may prefer to jump on a plane when traveling so that they may get there as quickly as possible. Others may choose to drive there (if possible) so that they can not only enjoy the place they are going, but also enjoy the scenery along the way. I did community service work for a long time out in Maine, there are two ways of getting there; one way goes mostly by interstate, and the other way goes strictly by highway. I have always found interstates to be quicker but you don't really get to see very much. For this reason I always choose the back way, it takes about two hours longer, but you get to see the open country along the way. It gives you the chance to not only take in the scenery, but to also get your mind prepared to enjoy the place you are on your way to.
Erogenous zones (foreplay) are virtually the same in the fact that you can skip them and go straight for the genitals (taking the airplane or interstate), or you can take your time and enjoy each other to the absolute fullest (taking the car or scenic route). Many people who prefer to fuck will find that they want penetration as quickly and as hard as possible, again it is like taking the airplane or interstate. People who like to make love are going to take more pleasure from the added sensations and relaxation that comes from stroking and massaging every inch of their lover’s body. Seeing how relaxation is the key to a woman becoming aroused and eventually having an orgasm then it is probably best to take the scenic route now isn’t it?
The trick is to go slow, savor how she feels, allow your desire to build up to the point that you can not last for even another second before you have to thrust into her as deep as possible.
I know a lot of guys question the need for taking their time with a woman. It has been this way since as long as most historians can find and to help prove that I would like to point out a few things from the Kama Sutra which was written between 2,000 to 4,000 years ago.
“While the woman is lying on his bed, absorbed in conversation, the man should loosen her undergarments, and when she begins to protest, he should overwhelm her with kisses. Then when his lingam is erect, he should touch her with his hands in various places, and gently manipulate various parts of her body.”
This is a perfect example that we need to think with our head and our hearts and not just the penis (lingam) that is between our legs.
“If she is a young girl, he should first put his hands on her breasts, which she would probably cover with her own hands, and under her armpits and on her neck.”
“If however she is seasoned, he should do whatever is agreeable to him or to her and fitting.”
“After this he should hold her hair and chin in his fingers to kiss her”
Here we see that a young (inexperienced) woman should be massaged to help her relax and learn about what she likes best. In order to help her learn what she likes best it gives directions on specific places to touch. If a woman is seasoned (experienced) then a man should do what he knows she likes or he should listen to her if she tells him where to touch her. Young or seasoned, we then see that kissing is also a very important factor.
“Man and woman, being of the same nature, feel the same kind of pleasure, and therefore a man must first sexually arouse the woman by ardent love play, and then vigorously commence his sex act, so that she reaches the climax earlier or simultaneously with him.”
Once again we see the mention that it is very important to please a woman’s entire body so that we do not finish ahead of her.
So now we have seen that foreplay has existed and been important for a very long time!
There are several ways you can tease and arouse a woman; the most important thing to know is that every part of your body will provide a different sensation to her. These parts you can use are…
Now that you know what parts of your body you can use, you have to know what parts of her body to use them on. Not only does each part of your body that you use to stimulate her provide it’s own unique sensation, but the area in which you are touching her will provide another unique sensation. There are numerous ways to go about touching a woman; the following is a basic list of different places and ways to stimulate your woman.
The mouth: Many people often only think of the mouth in terms of kissing. While kissing is wonderful (as addressed in a previous section) sometimes there are other things that can be done to it.
Finger(s): Slowly trace around her mouth.
Slowly run one of your fingers across her upper and lower lips.
Insert one of your fingers into her mouth so she can suck on it.
Tongue: Lick along her lower lip.
Lick along her upper lip.
Lick the corners of her mouth.
Nape of the neck: You can softly slide your fingertips or the palms of your hand along this area alone or while you are kissing her. Kissing here gently while stroking her breasts is a nice combination. Always try blowing gently while sweeping your head side to side.
The ears: Not all women find the ears sensitive, some do love it though. You can kiss and suck on her earlobes or just stroke all the way around the ear with your fingertip(s). Some may choose to flick the earlobe with their tongue.
Inside of the elbows: As with the back of the knees this area can be very sensitive for some people. Kissing or running your fingers around here is a nice touch though.
The breasts: Not all women do actually enjoy breast or nipple stimulation as sensitivity varies from woman to woman. While some women have highly sensitive breasts, you will find that others have little to no sensitivity. The easiest way to tell if the woman you are with enjoys the stimulation is by her reaction. If you are touching her breasts and she gives out a loud or gentle moan, or closes her eyes while she thrusts her head back and chest forward, then it probably means she likes it and wants it to continue. Here are some of the things you can do if she does like having her breasts played with…
Finger(s): Run small circles (clockwise or counter-clockwise) around the base of her nipples or to the tip directly. Using two of your fingers, gently pinch her nipple or roll it between your fingers. Run one of your fingers back and forth over the tip so it rocks back and forth. Flick the tip gently with one of your fingernails.
Hand(s): You can cup the entire breast in your hand and gently squeeze it. Softly place your hand against her breast so that it is hardly making contact and slide your hand up and down to tickle them. (The grooves in your hands can create added friction against the tip of the nipple if you line your them up right).
Mouth and tongue: Gently suck the tip of her nipple, or slide your mouth around the base and suck on all of it.
Flick the tip of her nipple with your tongue (rapidly or slowly), or softly run clockwise and counter-clockwise circles around the tip and base.Blow a small puff of air against the tip of her nipple.Kiss her nipple lightly or kiss all around her breast.Lick down around the base of her breast.
Lips: Gently brush your upper or lower lip against the tip of her nipple.
Teeth: You can use your teeth to lightly bite or graze the tips of her nipples, however this should be done with caution as it may not be what very many women might like.
Nipples: Softly press your nipples to hers and gently grind them together. This is a very nice addition for when you are kissing her.
When playing with a woman’s breasts you should make it a point to alternate as to not get one overly sore. Treat them with care by doing the same thing to the new one as you just did the other. Some women seem to have varying sensitivity between breasts, it would be a good point if you knew this before tackling them as it could mean some techniques will work better on one then the other.
The hands: Women love to suck on a guy’s finger to tease him and men can do the same! Suck on her fingers, and run your tongue over the tips to give her a preview of the action you are about to give her genitals when you get down there (if you are planning to).
The back and shoulders: The back and shoulders is another place that often seems to be over-looked. This area houses the spine and shoulder blades, which as we all know can provide intense pleasure when stimulated.
Finger(s): Slowly dance your fingertips up and down her spine. Slowly run one of your fingers along the base of her shoulder blades. Softly caress her shoulders, either at the same time or one at a time.
Mouth: Kiss up and down her spine.
Kiss across her shoulders. Gently blow small puffs or one long puff of air along her spine.
Tongue: Lick up and down her spine slowly.
The stomach: Depending on the woman’s body structure her stomach may be very sensitive. If she is someone who is sensitive then you should make it a point to spend some time here.
Finger(s): Run one of them around her bellybutton. Gently slide your pinky finger in and out of her bellybutton (if you can). Slowly trace along her abs.
Mouth: Kiss her bellybutton Kiss down the center of her stomach to her bellybutton and then back up.
Tongue: Lick around her belly button.
Dip the tip of your tongue into her bellybutton.
Lick along the center of her stomach. Lick around the base of each of her abs.
The buttocks: Many people are uncomfortable with having their butts played with. Make sure that the woman does not mind your hands being in this area before you approach it. If you have a green light there are several things that can be done…
Finger(s) and hands: Run one up and down her crack. Gently press one of them against the opening of her anus. Do not penetrate into her, the object is to tease the muscle and get it to flex or spasm a little. Lightly tap one of her cheeks. As with the breasts you should make sure to alternate between cheeks if you are going to do this for long. Focusing on one for too long can result in getting rather sore. A little sore can be arousing, but to sore is painful.
Tongue: Lick up and down her crack.
Lick circles around the opening of her anus. Once again do not penetrate, you are just trying to tease the muscles.
Mouth: Gently blow along her crack.
The vulva: When it comes to light foreplay you can pay attention to her genitals, but do not become too aggressive yet. This is a good way to tease her, but also will help you test her level of arousal. If you get your fingers down there and she is soaking wet then you know she is enjoying herself and will be able to accept your penis easily when it comes time for penetration. If you do not feel much wetness then it is a good indication that you still have some more work to do. Here are a few things that can be helpful for toying, and testing this areas level of arousal before you continue further.
Finger(s) and hand: Cup your hand over her vulva and gently rock it (your hand) like an ocean wave. Gently tap her clitoral hood with one or two of your fingers. Using two of your fingers, gently pull on each of her labia.
Take one of her labia and run it between two of your fingers, gently massaging it. Run one of your fingers up and down between her labia.
Slide one of your fingers to the entrance of her vagina and circle it without penetrating her.
Inside of the thighs: I have noticed that many people approach the thighs only when they are getting ready to stimulate her genitals. If you always do this then a woman knows that the “innocent” fun is about to stop and become much heavier and intense. While this may be great a lot of the time, I do not think it would be all the time cause nobody always wants exactly the same thing over and over again. Because of the guessing game involved with this area it can really help to get a woman over the threshold.
Mouth: Kiss up and down her thighs from her kneecaps to her hipbone or kneecap to just below her genitals.
Tongue: Following the above, lick instead of kiss.
Finger(s)and hands: Gently dance your fingers up and down. Using your hands rub small clockwise and counter-clockwise circles along her thighs.
Behind the knees: For some people behind the knees are often a very sensitive area. If this area were to be normally very ticklish on them then you would probably want to avoid it. Using your fingertips to gently massage this area can feel very wonderful for some though.
The feet: Some of us have very sensitive feet, actually I would say most people do. Even when ticklish the feet can provide some wonderful sensations that travel all the way back up our bodies. It would be good to make sure that her feet are clean before getting into heavy play here. If they are clean then taking a turn with sucking on each toe or licking slowly between them is something many women love. If you do not feel comfortable sucking on them then you can gently massage the heel, ball, and toes with your fingers.
Using your feet: At the beginning I mentioned that you could use your feet, however I did not give any details about it above. Your feet and legs can work wonders as a helping hand when playing with a woman’s upper body. If you are in an embrace with her kissing her mouth, breasts, shoulders, or arms you can always gently rub your feet up and down her calves. You may often find a woman naturally doing this to you as a sign she is enjoying what you are doing. Doing it to her if she isn’t you is a nice add-on though.
There are of course other things that can be done that I did not mention. Remember that we all like different things. I use the word “gently” a lot because I like things gentle, you can be rough if you desire, but make sure that is what your partner wants as well. Teasing can be a wonderful thing and foreplay can be a wonderful way to accomplish that. You want to know the limit though; sometimes there is such a thing as to much teasing. Once it comes to that point it is possible that she may become frustrated and then ruin her mood.
5/14/2005 11:56 pm
SUPER information here Mysticwriter!! You are very wise............ Love your blogs!!!!!!!!! |
I tried to add a second post to your "Never Surrender" blog, but as you know AdultFriendFinder is having "current issues" that have not been fixed yet.......... So, this is what I tried to add there
I was also disappointed to see that most of the comments were negative ......
I feel we will find what we think........ positive thinking attracts positive thinking. (negativity attracts negativity) I personally prefer positive thinking. It really can be as simple as that............ So, just don’t take it personal, and don't let others negative thoughts or comments affect you……..... Something else to consider, Sometimes others are just having a bad day, and might change their mind about what they have chosen to say........ once they see it in writing I think you have the right ideas, and you are on a good path.............
Leo Buscaglia IS my absolute favorite author..........When I read Leo's ideas....... I feel Love......
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time... It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other.
Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.
Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.
Change is the end result of all true learning.
I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things... I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind.
Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.
Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.
5/14/2005 12:38 pm
I believe that as well. I thought I added it, but I may have very well missed it as well. Communication is the foundation for everything, well that is what I believe anyway.|
Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
I am in the middle of re-writing a lot of this and will have it posted again in a couple of days.
5/13/2005 10:55 pm
loved ur blog-ur rock|
5/13/2005 8:30 pm
Definitely very very good advice. But I think there is one thing that needs added or maybe I just missed it since it is late. I believe that in order for this to work you must have good communication. If you have good communication you can find out what works and what does not. With out it I think all these wonderful steps may still fail too.|
I have copied this to a separate word document so I can re-read it when I have more time and not quite so tired. Great post.