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Setting the Stage... "Different Ways to Arouse Your Partner" (4th Edition)
Setting the Stage... "Different Ways to Arouse Your Partner" (4th Edition)
Setting the mood
(A few ways to make her hot)
As you have just seen there are a lot of big and even little things that you can do to show your appreciation and affection to your partner. It is very important to do these things if you want to maintain a strong and healthy relationship. Remember that “variety is the spice of life”, if you follow that saying, you will succeed a lot more often.
While I do not believe in doing things for someone in hopes of a return, there are in fact times you do hope for a return. Sex should be natural and not planned on. I know that there are a lot of married couples who end up making a rule that there is a certain night or nights of the week that they will definitely have sex on. I think with a bit of effort that could be changed to a more flexible thing and not restricted to a general rule. I know that our lives can become very crazy, very quickly. However, we need to do what we can to make sure that we set time aside for ourselves, our relationships and out families. The following is a list of various ways you could try and set a mood that could result in having sex… Remember that these kinds of things are nice even if it does not result in being able to have sex! These ideas are for how to get a woman in the mood and do not address what to do once you have her in the mood; you will find this information in the later section starting in… Part Three “Erogenous zones”.
Limit your distractions
You need to remember to set aside some time between you and your partner. Unplug the answering machine, tell the friends or family that you are away or busy and escape from the world together. Obviously if you are trying to be romantic or make love in general then you do not want a distraction!
I did mention before that you could draw your woman a bath and give her the time to soak and relax while you attend to other matters. In this instance it could do you well to join her… Light some candles, toss in some bath salts, and then the bubble bath (make sure that all your aromas match otherwise it will not be a pleasant smell). Don’t forget that music adds a very nice touch, however make sure it is relaxing music as something like heavy metal is not going to have the effect you desire. The point is to at least relax, if you happen to get to have sex with her then that it the bonus, but not the only point.
Once you have the stage set, you have to know how to act… I would recommend that you lead her into the bathroom, once you get in there allow her a moment to take in the setting. If she happens to have a positive reaction then you can take the opportunity to slowly undress her. This is a moment that you want to take your time with! You do not want her to feel that all you desire is to see her naked, undressing her to quickly will end up doing just that. Remove her clothing slowly piece by piece; allow your hands to stay in contact with her body for as long as possible before it comes off. The feel of various fabrics can provide very erotic sensations, and at this point you are using that to your advantage. Once you get to remove her bra and panties… do not look at either area, keep your eyes fixated on hers so that she knows you care once again about her and not just her body. A lot of women believe that the eyes can often reveal more about a person then anything else can, and I agree with them about this. (If you are not comfortable with undressing her then you can just slowly undress yourself while she watches, once you are in the tub she will most likely follow your lead). If you undress her then take one of her hands and slowly lead her into the water. Once she is in you can now take the time to slowly undress yourself while she is watching. Once again, this is not something that you should rush. If you are trying to actually be romantic and kind then what good is rushing going to do?
Once you have slowly removed your clothes, climb into the tub so that you are sitting behind her. Take this time to wrap your arms around her and sink into your surroundings. You can softly dip your hands in the water and run your fingers through her hair, or you can lightly kiss her neck and shoulders, remember that you are not trying to be aggressive, instead you are trying to be seductive! After you have allowed her the opportunity to lay in your arms and feel loved, grab a sponge and “slowly” begin to wash her. Start with her neck, arms, and hands… dipping the sponge back in the water with each new area that you progress to. From here you should move to her stomach, washing around her belly and belly button gently. At this point you probably want to go further down, instead you want to go back up, to her breasts. Slowly use the sponge to tease her nipples (which will most likely get them erect if they already aren’t). If you want to add a nice touch then focus on kissing her neck or nibbling on her earlobes while you wash her breasts. Make sure to thoroughly wash every inch of her breasts and not just focus on the nipples, the nipples are just the teasers.
From here you should have her move around so that she is facing you and begin to move down to her thighs, washing the outside and inside. When you approach the inside you shouldn’t make a move in anyway toward her vulva. Focus on just her thighs and then work down to her calves. Your eyes should be mostly locked to hers while you are cleaning this area, a lot of women love to look into a man’s eyes because it reveals a lot about them. (In many instances a simple gaze can create a spark big enough to turn her on with the force and heat that normally only a bonfire would emit). Now you should move down to her feet, take extra care around each of her toes to show her just how attentive you really are of her health and feelings in general.
At this point it is now a toss up, she may now want to bath you like you just did her, or you may want to slowly move back up her calves and thighs to her vulva. If she is aroused and wants to bath you then I would suggest letting her do so as you have obviously accomplished what you wanted to do. Some women do love to take control and this is a time you will see it. Never stop a woman from what she wants, if she takes control then submit to her and allow her to do whatever she desires to do. Regardless of what you choose, I am going to address the way in which you should wash her vulva…
You must remember that this is all a seduction, the object is to please through an innocent tease. Do not actually push any part of the sponge into her vagina, instead you should run it up and down her labia while either looking into her eyes or gently stroking her thighs. Take the time to show appreciation for this area, a lot of guys do not show appreciation in any form other then inserting their penis into it. You can have her take a moment to lift her self up above the water or just actually get up and sit on the side of the tub. Once she has exposed the area more you can use one hand to spread her labia apart and wash around her urethral opening and around the base of her clitoral hood and clitoris. Move from here to washing around the top of her clitoral hood and pubic area.
Now is your call on what to do next, you can stop and leave it as a nice erotic bath or you can move in to working her erogenous zones (see below). Or perhaps she is aroused enough to the point that you can begin cunnilingus (eating her out… which is addressed later on). I would personally suggest doing this with your partner both with the intent of sex as well as without having that intention. It is a very wonderful way of showing each other affection! A lot of people are only naked together when they are getting ready to or actually are in a sexual act. Being naked together at times when you are not having sex will actually help you develop a more secure feeling about each other. The more secure you are then the more relaxed you will be, the more relaxed you are the better your orgasms and general sexual experiences will be.
Shave one another
Giving someone else a razor can be a very dangerous thing. Obviously you would not do such a thing unless you cared for and trusted this person a great deal. In this instance… you are allowing them to shave your body hair and most likely around your genitals. As people we are all very nervous about treatment of these areas and thus it would require even more trust of someone before you would allow them access to such a place. It is for these reasons that allowing your partner to shave you that could create a very erotic and loving setting. Obviously this would be an optimal time for some very intense and sensual lovemaking.
As many of us all know… alcohol can do some wonderful things for us and it can do some very bad and harmful things to us. A lot of men misuse alcohol in the sense that they only offer it to a woman in order to get her drunk and thus give them the chance to take advantage of her physically. A lot of women use alcohol to chill their nerves and do things that they would not normally do when sober. We all make the choice to drink and therefore are all personally responsible for whatever happens when we are buzzed or drunk.
Alcohol can in fact be used to help us relax. Seeing as though we all handle the effects differently then a man and woman should discuss their intentions prior to drinking anything at all. Once you have set the rules for the evening, drink as much as you desire. Whatever rules were set beforehand should be followed 100%.
Alcohol can also provide extra flavor to the body by dripping some along another’s body and then sucking or licking it off. This would normally be done to the hands, arms, or chin during the initial phase. Later it could be used on the chest, inner thighs and genitals as well. If someone protests about it when it is only on his or her chin, hands, or arms though then I would suggest not trying it anywhere else.
I think a lot of people are under the assumption that you actually have to go out in order to do certain things. Dancing is among one of these things that many would think you would actually have to go out to a ball or club to do or enjoy. The truth is that you can toss in a CD and grab her by the hand and begin dancing even while you are at home alone. This is not something that a lot of women would expect and thus that is exactly what could get her turned on.
Personally I am a classical music and ballroom dancing kind of guy, you may very well be a techno or heavy metal kind of person (or something different). Make sure that you know what kind of dancing suits the music choice. If it is classical then you will be doing more traditional dancing where you are making steady eye contact, but not really pressing your bodies together. If it is techno or rave then you will most likely end up in a very heavy trance that involves very constant contact with each other. A lot of rock music can also result in this and obviously for some women this contact will eventually get them very aroused. It really all depends on the women, some of them like the more elegant and romantic gentle touching and eye gazing, while some others like the bumping and grinding. If you know your partner then you obviously know what type to choose! Take your time and use your imagination, remember that you do not always have to spend money in order to have fun or be romantic!
A bed of roses
I mentioned before that flowers could be a very nice gesture for numerous reasons and occasions. In this instance you want to use the pedals of the flowers… drop them along the stairwell and hallway leading to your bedroom. Sprinkle them around the floor of your bed and the bed itself. Light some candles; toss in some sensual music, and strip down to your boxers. Make sure you have one rose left so that when your woman begins to enter the room, you have it between your teeth! (Laying down a bed of roses is something that a lot of royal families had as a luxury. In this instance it is the same type of thing, you want your woman to know she is the queen of your world!)
We all know what a massage is, and many of us enjoy them immensely. An erotic massage is virtually the same thing except that now you are fully working your partner’s body and this includes all the areas. With an erotic massage there are no areas of the body that are off-limits to you. The object is to be very slow and very gentle. (For ideas on how to massage a woman specifically, make reference to the “erogenous zones” section). An erotic massage by a lover is an outstanding way of showing just how much you truly love them. Obviously when you show your deepest affection it can seriously arouse your partner.
It would appear that a lot of men forget about special dates, and women always seem to remember them! Every once and awhile take the time to reenact your first date, the first time you made love, your wedding, or even just a vacation that happened to be very romantic for the two of you. Don’t just get her gifts that require money, put some serious thought and effort into what you do. Sometimes a meaningful thought can be more valuable then anything that your money can buy! Remembering the date is important, but a reenactment also shows that you remember what happened in detail on that specific day. Never miss an opportunity to show a woman that you think of her when you are not right beside her. Reenactments often require some planning and thus means you have to work on this planning when she is not around. That in fact means you are thinking of her both when you are around her and when you are not around her.
Food & Sex
Something that many people may enjoy a great deal is by bringing various foods into the bedroom with them. It can be very arousing to be covered in various juices, sauces, and substances, so that your partner must then lick them off. This adds extra flavor to the person licking and kissing your body, and it adds sensation to the one covered in those substances. Often times those foods are a different temperature then the body in which they are applied. If you are covered by something cold, then obviously you are going to get cold. As your partner licks and sucks the juices away, the heat from their mouth is going to warm you back up. Likewise, if you are covered by something hotter then your partners body and mouth. Than when they lick it or suck it off of your body it is still going to provide a relief. Obviously it can be very arousing when various parts of your body is going through rapid, sudden, frequent, intense, or mild temperature changes.
Some of the most popular foods are:
And the list goes on…
Taking chocolate sauce, fluff and peanut butter for example: These substances are rather thick and sticky. It takes a combination of hard and light strokes in order to be able to remove them from another person’s body. This pretty much removes you needing to think about performing different strokes when massaging someone because it is required no matter what. Not only can it be fun, but it can be educational to you as well because it will show you what types of touches, and strokes your partner reacts the best to.
It may just be that you would like to dip a piece of fruit into your lover’s vagina, or run it across her vulva. Doing so will coat it in her personal love juices and thus add a very new and wonderful flavor to that in which already has much. It is no surprise that a woman would love to see you savoring and enjoying her very intimate fluids.
You can most certainly use food to initially arouse someone. Take the time to slowly feed them any of the above mentioned foods. If the juices drip down their lips or chin then you can take the opportunity to lick it up. If you are the person being fed then you can always be a tease and lick the person’s hands or fingers who is feeding you. If it is a spoon or fork you are being fed from then you can dance your tongue against the utensil similar to how you would there body. Thus they will begin to make your partner drool because they will immediately begin to think of how it would feel to be that utensil.
Snuggle up by a Fire
An open fire pit or an indoor fireplace, this is a wonderful chance to cuddle up and loose yourself in the crackling sounds and dancing flames. After you have cuddled for awhile you can move and begin to give her a sensual massage… you never know, you might get more then you think!
Set up a Video Camera
Videos provide us with the ability to capture visual memories. As time passes we can often begin to forget about various moments and events that happen in our lives. By having pictures of those moments and events we then have a lasting memory even if we forget about them.
As most of us men can admit and many of the women in the world know, us men love to have sex and we love to watch other people or ourselves having sex. I am sure that a lot of women would rather have us men watching a video of us having sex with them then they would to have us watching other men and women having sex. While I am mentioning this in truth I will say that a man should not use a line like this to a woman just to entice her into making a sex video with you.
Recording ourselves having sex can provide a variety of different things. I think one of the biggest and best of those things is that it gives us an opportunity to see ourselves in action. In the heat of a moment we can get blinded most of the time by what is directly going on and loose sight of what should be going on. Watching yourself having sex with your partner could help educate you on what you need to work on. Maybe you think you are good at something that you actually are not. Maybe you think that your partner is enjoying something that they actually are not. Watching a video of yourselves having sex can answer all of those questions. Even if you are not doing it to learn, it can still be a great deal of fun in general.
Another way to think about a good use of it… let’s say that your partner is not appearing to be in the mood and you are. Toss in the video and snuggle up with her and see how she reacts. It may very well be that she was not in the mood but by seeing that video it could get her in the mood. Possibly she was in the mood the whole time and you just missed the signs. Either way, the truth will be revealed due to that handy little moment captured on tape.
Videos involving sex or even nudity in general are something to be shared between two loving people and should remain between those two loving people. Anotherwards, if you and your partner take pictures of each other then you should not take them and show them off to your friends. A woman might not mind you doing that but I would highly suggest that you ask her and discuss it with her in detail before you ever do such a thing.
Light up the Room
If you are with a woman who likes candles then I would suggest going overboard! Go out and buy 30 to 50 candles and set them up around the edges of the room and on the table next to the bed or headboard. Once you have them set up, go ahead and light them and turn off the main lights or lamps. Candlelight is very relaxing on the eyes and considering our seeing abilities is one of our greatest senses then it obviously does some good once and awhile to relieve them.
Sometimes it might be better to light candles around the house. Set them up along the railings and mantel (if you have one) so that they create a path for your loved one to follow.
Watch an X-Rated Movie together
Not all women like this kind of thing, if you are with one that does then obviously watching other people have sex can spark arousal within her and yourself. You can use it as a guide and use the same positions with her as the people on the video are doing.
Get Some Sex Books
There are a lot of women who actually buy sex books for their husbands or boyfriends as an innocent way to show them that they need to learn some new skills or improve the ones that they already have. Do not be offended by this if she happens to do this for you, obviously she cares a great deal about you otherwise she would not bother trying to drop the hint to you in a subtle manner.
In this instance you can show her just how much sex actually means to you. A lot of guys only want to get their penis wet and that is not a turn-on to a lot of women. By getting some material you can then show it to her, if it happens to be Kama-Sutra or something like it then you can say, “why don’t we give some of these a try?” I do not think there are a lot of women who would find this offensive, as it is a very mature way of adding some new fun.
Get Some Sex Videos
They have sex books, but they also have sex videos that are similar to X-rated material but are actually instructional videos on sexual techniques and positions. If you watch it together she may decide to want to give some of the new information a try!
Go to a Nude Beach
Some women may find it very arousing to be seen by others, we all know as guys that a lot of us seem to naturally have this fantasy anyway. Don’t pressure her into it; allow her to feel it out and you may get a wonderful reaction.
We all have a desire from time to time to dress up in nice or fancy clothing. Every once and awhile we have a desire to dress up in revealing clothing as well. Take a bikini for example, it reveals virtually all of a woman’s body but does not reveal her private areas. By revealing a part of our bodies and not revealing all of our body it then creates excitement in the fact that we then immediately desire what we can see and we also desire to see more. It is for this reason that a lot of women like to dress in lingerie. As men we often do the same by walking around without our shirts off or by walking around in our boxers. The reactions we get from people shows us that we can get their attention and obviously by seeing that we can get someone’s attention we then think higher of ourselves.
Wearing partial clothing can also cause this same reaction. If a woman takes her shirt and bra off it will reveal her breasts and yet still give the desire to want to see more. It can be reversed as well so that a woman could leave her shirt on and take her panties off instead. The result will often be the same, us men still desire to see her breasts. Us men are much more visually stimulated then women and we don’t just want to see some of a woman’s body, we want to see it all.
Virtually anything can be used in an erotic way. Partially see-through or totally see-through materials work the best though.
Take Erotic Photographs
Photographs provide us with the ability to capture visual memories. As time passes we can often begin to forget about various moments and events that happen in our lives. By having pictures of those moments and events we then have a lasting memory even if we forget about them.
Dressing up in nice clothing or revealing clothing can be a thrill. Some people love being in front of a camera as well. If you are someone who likes to dress up and likes to have your picture taken then why not mix the two together?
Erotic photographs can be a great way to be playful and they can be a great way to send someone a message. If you are in the mood for sex then you could always set the timer on the camera (if you have one) and take some pictures of your body. You can then send these pictures to your partner or leave them lying around the house for your partner to find. When they do find them, they will know that you are in a playful mood that day.
Erotic photographs and nude photographs are something to be shared between two loving people and should remain between those two loving people. Anotherwards, if you and your partner take pictures of each other then you should not take them and show them off to your friends. A woman might not mind you doing that but I would highly suggest that you ask her and discuss it with her in detail before you ever do such a thing.
Buy Some Erotica
Erotica is normally another form of pornography but often is not in such a straightforward manner. Often it is romance stories or only partially revealing pictures that help stimulate both the body and the mind. Many women like both types of stimulation oppose to just physical stimulation.
I think that there are a lot of men who believe that a woman who desires the use of sex toys is trying to say that a man is not performing well enough on his own. The use of sex toys could in fact mean such a thing and yet it could just mean that the woman you are with just desires something a little different. There are all kinds of toys on the market (which will be covered in detail later on) and each of these toys have a different function or have multiple functions per toy. If you have doubts about your performance then I would suggest talking to your partner to help learn what you need to do differently. If you know that you are performing just fine then tossing in some sex toys will just make things even better.
Let’s take cunnilingus for example…
There are a lot of different places of a woman’s vulva that you can focus on during oral activities. It is often not always that easy to hit all those spots at the same time though when you are working solo. Tossing in a vibrator could help you apply some good stimulation to the clitoris while you then focus on the labia with your fingers and tongue. It could be that you want to stimulate her G-spot but the hand positioning is a little awkward for you or perhaps you do not have very long fingers and thus can not reach that precious spot. In this particular situation, a G-spot stimulator would work wonders because it allows you to reach what you can not reach very easily on your own. Maybe your fingers do not have much flex when you have them inside and this might hinder your ability to massage the area. Seeing as though the G-spot stimulators have a bent tip, it will massage the G-spot easily while all you have to do is hold the base of the toy and move it up and down, or side to side.
The overall point being is that toys do have some very wonderful uses. Just because you are using a toy does not mean you lack the ability on your own. Take the time to talk to your partner and see how she feels about the use of toys. Once you have spoken about this issue then you should go shopping together. Just looking at toys might help create a desire for sex! Merely talking about the use of toys might create a desire for sex!
As with all of the other previously mentioned subjects… these are not the only things that you can do to help set a mood. Use your imagination and you are sure to see an increase in both activity and general happiness.
11/27/2005 7:42 am
I'd add turning off cellphones to the beginning of your article.|
7/30/2005 12:23 pm
I am not sure about the "required" reading but I am glad that you liked it.|
7/30/2005 11:16 am
This should be required reading|