Ok, so now I feel guilty(Guess it's a guilt ridden day?)  

Lookng4RealMan 65F
2355 posts
6/18/2006 1:30 pm
Ok, so now I feel guilty(Guess it's a guilt ridden day?)

I should never have been so amused at my ex F/B's inability to write a good profile. He always used to tell me I was better with words than he was. And that I knew exactly what he wanted. Maybe he should just let me write one for him? In fact, I did just that last nght, since I had to cancel my date, but I have no way to send it to him. He's blocked me everywhere so it's apparent he wants no help. My life has not stopped because he doesn't want me. Well it did for a minute, but for the most part, it's moving on nicely as long as no onegets any crazy ideas about wanting a LTR or something exclusive right now. I've met several wonderful men here since I joined only a few months ago. Some I have had sex with, some not, some not yet. Some old friends, not from her have come back into the picture, so I don't really NEED the ex in that way. Our relationship was very strongly D/s and with the level of trust, etc that is necessary in that type of thing, it hurt a lot when he shut me out and I don't think I will ever go through that kind of thing again, but if he called today (which I know he won't) I still would feel that control he had over me and probably do anything for him short of letting him back into my life on a regular basis. He showed me part of myself that I never knew existed befor him. When he cut me off, I locked up that part of me and he is the only one that will ever have the key, so it will go with me to the grave, locked in that special place where all my favorite memories are.

I feel guilty about being amused that he can't seem to find what he really needs, but I'm not convinced that he really understands that himself. I wish he understood my desire to help him without really wanting him back. It would be too dangerous for me to ever get back with him. I become a different person with him and I'm having fun the way things are.

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