How can I Stop Caring Until I know What Happened?  

Lookng4RealMan 65F
2355 posts
3/28/2006 3:51 pm
How can I Stop Caring Until I know What Happened?

I'm a very caring person. How do I stop caring about someone who has shut me out with no explanation?

We first met on line about 7 years ago, exchanged emails/phone calls/texts for a few months. We saw each other in person just a few times, but were in communications via email much more. it was not only the very best sex in my life and then some. I have a strong submissive side and he has a very dominant personality which always managed to make me very wet just being in his presence. To say nothing about his gorgeous eyes and a voice that made my insides quiver. He wanted a 3some REALLY bad and I had never done it and when I couldn't do it, he exploded, yelled and screamed and quit talking to me. Just severed contact totally.

Last year while browsing the internet I ran across his name with an email address, so I sent him a "Hi how are you" message and he surpised the hell out of me by replying and wanting to pick up where we left off. The voice still left me sitting in a puddle every time we spoke(not only during sex talk. The weather report would have done it.) Things were going along well, I thought, even though we had only seen each other once. He kept saying he was very busy(this was verified by info I found on line(he was teaching classes out of town, doing a lot of extra stuff for his job, etc.) So I was trying to be patient and give him as much space as he wanted. He has a great job but it's also very high stress. All I needed was assurance that I was still in the game. He reassured me at every opportunity, saying he wanted to see me again and he would never do anything behind my back. I had expressed an interest in watching him with someone else and promised that if we found another woman to join us, I would do the 3 this time. In exchange he seemed to be much more patient and attentive this time even though we didn't see each other. He called a lot. He had to drive to Gary, IN one day for his job and called me 4 times on the way(less than a 2 hour drive). I was convinced that if nothing else, we were becoming close friends with benefits. He got upset because I referred to our relationship as temporary, saying he hoped it would last for a while. In June of last year he told me he had cancer, but the chemo kept it in check and we had to put the relationship issues on hold for a while underwent more treatment and he could regain his strength, etc. He asked me to be patient, to send him jokes I found, etc and to keep in touch, but no relationship stuff. In October I sent him a comedy CD by someone I thought he liked. The day he got it, he sent me an email telling me to "GET THE HELL" out of his life or he would file criminial charges against me. Also said his illness had gotten worse1. He blocked me from all his email and his phone.

ALL I WANTED TO DO IS UNDERSTAND WHAT I DID WRONG.I would have done ANYTHING(big underscore under ANYTHING) he wanted. I probably could even have left him alone and felt ok about it if he had just told me what was going on. I was stupid enough to believe he was actually sick but I'm not so sure any more. I worried about him, prayed for him every day. But then he knows me well enough to know exactly how I would react. A big part of me wants to sit and wait and hope he comes back yet again, but the other parts of me want to go out and do all thoses things he wanted me to do and hope he finds out. I feel like I never even got a real chance. He is on this site looking for someone just like me, he just hasn't realized it yet. I don't understand. Is the best way to just go out and have sex with someone else? But then what if he comes back and thinks I'm a slut for doing that? He always seems to expect me to read his mind. His profile here says he's looking for a "friend" (I know, so does just about everyone else's) but I'm not sure if he does. How many guys describe a prospective FWB as "enchanting and lovely"?? (Yes I read his blog. It's out there to be read isn't it?)And he is much more open about some things in his profile than he's ever been in the past. We've been on websites together in the past and he almost always contacts me first even though I make sure to always have something in my ID or title or whatever than would let him know it's me. He'll realize it's me , then run and hide. I'm sure he will here soon too. And I'm sorry about that, but while I suspect I will get bored and leave soon myself, for now I really like it here. He's a really terrific guy who seems maybe a little confused on what he really wants from life and I hope he figures it out and finds it. I wish it were me again, but his temper is a little too erratic for me. No he's not abusive or violent, but he does try to give that tough guy impression sometimes and I have a whole list of theories on why he acts like he does, but I'm not a psychiatrist, so they are just theories of mine. I may share them here someday just to get them off my chest. And who knows, maybe he'll even see them and realize I do know him much better than he thinks I do. And he'll come back and give me another one of those kisses that make my mind go blank and my knees get weak. In the interim, I guess I'll have to start looking for either his clone or his opposite. I wonder which would be best? Oh wait... if it's his clone, the sex will be great. With his opposite, it would suck and who wants that? I've had enough bad sex in my life to know I don't want any more. It's even worse than no sex, isn't it?

93 posts
3/28/2006 5:04 pm

Walk away.

Jackasses don't deserve you.

Lookng4RealMan replies on 3/28/2006 7:33 pm:
And I know I certainly don't deserve a jackass.

SensualNWylde 49F

3/28/2006 5:09 pm

Honey my opinion iz that don't wait around for him but let him know that you are there if he wantz to talk or whutever. If he still haz a profile on here then I don't think he'z sitting around waiting for u. *hugz* It'z gonna hurt but if you've already tried reaching out n he'z backing off and/or pulling this kinda psychological stuff on u then I don't think that he knowz exactly what he wantz or he'z lying to u. You sound like a person that haz a lot to offer and obviously he'z not ready or doesn't want it .... keep your chin up gurl

Lookng4RealMan replies on 3/28/2006 7:37 pm:
I think he is very confused about what he wants, whether he's really sick or not. And I know at some level he's lying to me.

Thanks for your input.

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
3/28/2006 5:12 pm

Just walk away.

Purry {=}


Lookng4RealMan replies on 3/28/2006 7:39 pm:
I'm trying to make those steps in the other direction. I have female friends in two other states that want me to move away from where I'm at to help me in my efforts.


rm_picadelly123 32M

3/28/2006 5:13 pm

Hi there Looking4RealMan,
I've stumbled upon this blog post almost by accident and I don't proclaim to be an expert in these kinds of things (hell i'm only 21). If this guy really is dealing with cancer, and its not just a stall technique, he's probably not himself right now. A lot of things can go through one's mind, a lot of soul searching goes on. He might be snapping at everyone around him.
If he's not, then he's just a bastard; some guys are like that. You may never know. But give it some time and see what happens.

At best, you might hope he finds this post and understands what he hasn't give you a chance to tell him yet.

Good luck. Sorry things are upset in your life.

Lookng4RealMan replies on 3/28/2006 7:41 pm:
You're pretty smart for someone so young.

Thanks for your comments.

rm_SWM4ForCpl 54M
67 posts
3/29/2006 4:19 am

Sounds like he WANTS to be wanted. A man that plays with ladies heads so he feels bigger than he really is. I would imagine that he has played the game with MANY other ladies before. If I was you I would just walk away. If HE contact you, answer with short to the point answers. I know that can be hard, been there, done that. But in the long run you will find out if he REALLY is interested in more than what you guys have now, or if he is just playing with your feelings.

Best of luck to ya.

Can I take you out for a drink to make you feel better?

Lookng4RealMan replies on 3/29/2006 2:04 pm:
Thanks for the response. I'll contact you later about that drink, ok? You're being quite persistant and you do live close by, so watch your email, ok?

parkershellby45 56M

3/30/2006 8:02 am

I agree with most of what's been said, more fish in the sea darl'n, it's not worth getting all bent over a guy that would treat you this way.
I don't know what it's like there, but here on Canada's east coast, little old P.E.I. has
3699 men looking for women
483 women looking for men
81 couples looking for men
3 groups looking for men
so it would seem to me it is a lot easier for a woman to find a man than vice versa, so i say F@#$ him and e-mail SMW4. Be careful be safe be happy.

Take care of those you call your own, and keep good company...

rm_Gerry1953D 63M
33 posts
12/30/2006 2:52 pm

Viel Verr點kte in Havanna

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