The next step of discovering my reality  

Lonelywoman56 60F
45 posts
12/12/2005 3:50 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The next step of discovering my reality


First off I want to warn all you great guys who like my fantasies that this post is'nt one. I can feel one cooking though, when I do them I'll just title them FANTASY and you'll know Okie- Dokie
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Pre period, pre full moon and pre "taking my next step". Typical impulsive self destruction, this time with a twist. This time I know whats going on. This time I'm prepared, eyes wide open. No one fucking with my head.
So , who is it I'm trying to convince?

Pure uncomplicated sex. To be enjoyed without guilt, without the redundant manipulation of the senses that usually accompanies it. Physical pleasure, two bodies coming together..Colliding, Connecting with each other, becoming entangled for a moment, separating and going different directions.

No pain?
More pain?
No-one can answer for me. No one knows for me.

How do you rid the body of natural chemicals, How about Oxitocin, With multiple orgasms my body will be flooded with it. My natural instinct will be to build a nest. I will dominate myself, I will use my brain to control my body.
I'm an adult now, a pretty old one for that matter. Is it enough to tell and train your brain how to turn off? Is that what I'm doing? Or have I simply lost the ability to feel?
If I don't let myself feel , then how can I 'feel"
I will finally be on the side of "It didn't mean anything, it was just sex"
What an odd concept, If it didn't mean anything, why the fuck did you do it?
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...........Why am I doing it?
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BECAUSE I WANT TO.
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dont i?

Internal turmoil versus internal nothingness.

Where is the middle ? The Island between the raging waters.

Decisions have been made deep within me. I'm not going to wonder anymore, I am going to discover my own truths. The only truths with real importance to me.
I will explore until I find my answers, but what really are the questions?

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