|Blogs > Lonelywoman56 > Searching for Reality|
The balancing act of life, well the 7 never did all get together. So what did I do? Drove back and forth like a fool triing to enjoy people I love who hate so deeply with a passion that should be reserved for love or for gods sake, anything productive, I am exhausted, emptied of my strength like a discarded Christmas box, the wrapper ripped and torn, stepped on. Its usefulness complete, no longer needed.
Misunderstanding. ....Closeminded...Stupid fools.
I come home to the sanity and sanctuary of the little world I've created for myself. In my weariness my mind starts to wander, the ghosts creep in when I am weak. Soft whispers telling me how worthless I am to everyone. "Your so stupid, your so weird." Reminders. The scars that are still on my soul, the ones I will not let have me. I fight those ghosts. I'll use all my tools. I will love.
I will care. ...I will risk.
I force myself to write. I force myself to reach out, read some blogs. You see I'm not unique, we all have pain, we all have ups and downs.
Its part of life, part of the journey.
"Your so pathetic" try's to come from down deep. My answer?
Fuck you asshole, your out of my life and almost completely out of my soul, good bye, good riddance.
I think I will go do something productive...Right now...
!!!!!!!MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!>
12/27/2005 7:32 am
Some very interesting metaphors appear in this blog entry, and a small inside piece of you? There was another, and he has hurt you, deeply, badly, scarred and left you alone. That happens in life and love and it is certainly unfair. For me, it was her words that cut so deeply one day after we had made love. "Jim, it is not right, you and I!" I looked at this lovely lady, love pouring from my eyes and heart for her. "Barbara?" "No, not right, you are toooo morbidly obese, I can't do that again!" "I am what?" but she silently dressed and walked out of my life leaving a void, an emptyness that has never been filled. |
So, I am not an adonis, not a movie star, just me....an average, mature guy who share the feelings you show.
The Hurt, the resolve to be better to be ME!