|Blogs > Lonelywoman56 > Searching for Reality|
There has always been a man
Tucked deep inside
I would not let myself think of him
He could not exist to me, I would never acknowledge him. never.
I wouldn't let him exist.
I knew dreams don't come true
So I simply would not dream
The easy way is never the best way.
If I had met him before I might have destroyed him, I wasn't ready. I would never be ready.
I simply lived my life, my personal hell, my private drama. Chaos was the only world I felt comfortable in.
I sought after dysfunction and dilemmas, never fitting in, never believing myself or my inner thoughts. Slowely I realized I wasn't a failure.
I started to be myself,I started to listen, to look, to feel, I was just like everyone else.
I wasn't an outcast. I was OK. A lot of other people are OK too. A lot of people are kind. A lot of people are great.
I started to feel again. I liked it.
I started to learn.
Things have become clear again.
I became comfortable with myself and accepted a life without a partner but with friends. I continued to be happy and continued triing to learn about other people.
All of a sudden, there was a man. I knew instantly.
I searched for lies.
SEARCHED HARD, REAL HARD.
Then there was a young boy.
Exactly like his dad.
Could this be real.
Whats in the future?
No one knows.
Am I happy? yes
Am I scared? somewhat
I'm going to do the best I can, if this works out it could be beautifull, if it does not, well, then it will be another lesson. So be it.
Am I going to screw this up?
Not in a million years.