|Blogs > LonelyPhoenix2 > The World According to Phoenix|
Hello, fellow AFF junkie...
Hello, fellow AFF junkie...
28 July 2006. First Entry: "The World According to Phoenix"
Hello. My name is not important, but my handle is LonelyPhoenix2 (ALT.com LonelyPhoenix3). You can call me 'Phoenix'. This blog, hidden and unread as it may be, is my emotional trashcan when it comes to the fairer sex. Hell, let's be real here. This is basically where I gripe about EVERYTHING.
Sounds fun? I thought so.
Let me start by giving you some background about myself. I'm 21, male, and alone. I've tried for about four years now to try to find somebody who'll spend the occasional Friday night with me- and well like all men, screw me every once and awhile. So far the score goes as follows: Me-0; Women-6500 (give or take a few...)
I started in high school. I was 'that kid who sits in the shadows with all those other geeks', and well, that was my own fault. My senior year (I'm 17 at the time) I realized that that would never get me anywhere, and I sought to re-invent myself. I was...mildly successful. I did get to take a real nice girl to prom. She played softball, and was very cute. But after that she was "only looking for friends". Now there's a phrase I've heard one too many times.
Graduation: Stole a kiss from a nice girl. I use the word "stole" because I'm sure she never saw it coming. I did it because I told myself I wasn't going to graduate high school without kissing at least one girl. Never saw her again.
Went to college the next fall semester. Class consisted of all guys (Aviation Mechanic's class). Worked all night, went to school all day. No time for social life.
That went on until 2004, when I graduated. Took a semester off (I was going into the service, but was talked out of it in favor of a four year degree) and went to a university. That leads us to today.
I've only had one person I'd ever call my 'soul-mate', and she won't give me the time of day. She called me earlier today, but is always evasive when I try to find out if she wants to do something. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years, and though I've told her that I'm not going to pursue a relationship if she doesn't want to, she seems to stray away from me whenever we're in the same room. I've spent since I was 15 trying to go out with her, and I find it really hard to try to forget about her and move on.
I have a group of friends, men and women, and the guys say that I'll find someone eventually. The girls all say "if I wasn't going out with (insert name here), I'd go out with you..." This is followed by "you're a nice guy..." and "I'm sure there's someone out there for you, just wait" Bah! Really? Tell me then...WHERE IS SHE? I consider myself a patient man, but I find it a bit odd that NO GIRL wants anything to do with me.
Now- for the present.
AdultFriendFinder time- 1 month.
People who've looked at my profile- 26
People who fit my profile, and have looked- 6
Spammers caught- 206 (no really...)
ALT time- 7 days
People who've looked at my profile- 3
People who fit my profile, and have looked- 0
Spammers caught- 14
I've talked to three REAL people on this site.
The first, sent a few messages, we exchanged E-mails and I never heard back from her. She is active on the site.
The second, was a group of two women. They only asked me for a pic, and I never heard from them again.
The third, exchanged a few E-mails using AdultFriendFinder, but hasn't been on for over two weeks. I'm not giving up, but I'm losing hope (and if you're reading this kid, E-MAIL ME!)
The rest, have been spammers.
This just in!
Waited for friend all day- she told me we would "hang out on her day off". Phone has been turned off all day. She calls me and says (myself, her and another couple were all going out to see a movie together...) that she doesn't want to go.
THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE! THIS IS WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENS! THIS IS WHY I...I've given up hope on women. I always thought that somebody out there liked the nice guy that would do anything for her. WHAT THE HELL! WHAT DID I MISS? Where do I fit in?
I don't know what to do. Honestly, I don't offer much on the looks department. I try to keep myself neat and fit, but I'm no model. I've been told that I have a great personality and that I'm caring, compassionate, passionate, thoughtful, deep, and a whole mess of other words that "women" like. SO WHY CAN'T I FIND A DATE? WHERE'S MY MATCH?
See what I mean? My life= S U C K S
I know- pessimistic. You come live my life and be happy-go-lucky.
Now, for the purpose of this blog:
I'm using this to vent, but I'd also like this to be a sort of interactive forum. Feel free to write comments in, and I'll do my best to respond. BUT BE WARNED. I don't hold back. Pity gets sarcasm on this page. Don't feel sorry for me unless you plan on physically doing something about it.
I give advice. You won't like it, but I give it.
A few rules:
1. I don't care. Seriously. I don't. This applies to those of you that start off your post with "You know if you do this..." or "Never give up..." or any other BS thats out there. Go hit up E-harmony for that crap.
2. Keep the swearing down. We're all adults here. "F***", though a versatile verb, noun, adjective, etc. DOESN'T NEED TO BE USED EVERY THIRD WORD. Hey, I curse. I'm not perfect. But at least when I type, I don't type it out.
3. I reserve the right to tell you that you're an idiot, or something far worse. It is after all, my blog.
4. Along those same lines, if I tell you to leave, leave. I'm tolerant, not a doormat.
Well, back to my pitiful life. I'll be back when I can, or when I need to vent.
7/28/2006 7:41 pm
First of all- thanks for responding mizzkitka. You're the first, but I have no prize for you. Sorry. |
Been there done that kid. It's a small enough town that you run out of options pretty quick. I did the bar scene, and it's not for me. Movies, Theater, Concerts, etc.- I try to get out as often as possible (Went to a movie tonight...totally was a third wheel.)
Anywho- Like I said. Where are they? Suggestions?
Oh- and I'm not a doormat. See rule 4. But somedays it feels like it.
7/29/2006 9:48 am
You're not going to like what I have to say either most likely.|
Anyone who sits and WAITS for someone to treat them badly (read this as 'blow them off')...would be considered a 'doormat' in the normal context.
As well, the fact that you consider her a 'friend' when she shows a blatant disregard for you, would also suggest you're a glutton for punishment.
Just for curiosities sake, I perved your ALT profile (I am there because I follow the lifestyle)....I think you might want to reconsider it (it has conflicting information), and you should stick with AdultFriendFinder.
You're jaded, and I can appreciate that, but you have a LOT more control over how people treat you then you seem to realize.
As for here on AdultFriendFinder...>shrug<...we all have our druthers here.
And you havent been here very long.
I can almost promise you, that you are one of a thousand other men, puling and whining about how AdultFriendFinder & life isnt fair, and the women of the world are cruel, and nothing but opportunists.
The sadist in me, prompts me to tell you to grow a pair...get new friends who actually respect you...dump the broad who repeatadly treats you with disrespect...and venture out a little into the deeper water, if you really DO want to be daring.
Life is to short.
7/29/2006 5:45 pm
Okay, I get it. Apparently I'm not "man enough"...|
How's this one then?
You don't think I try? You think I just sit here and wait for rejection? Why do you think I came to this site? BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE ANYONE IN REAL LIFE TALK TO ME FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES.
I honestly don't know why. Maybe I'm abrasive. Maybe I'm a wuss. Who knows.
As for my ALT.com account: Well, you're right. I'm not into that lifestyle right now. I'd like to explore it a bit, but I don't quite know what to say, so I just basically copied my AdultFriendFinder stuff. Didn't figure on having much luck with it, but who knows? Suggestions are welcome on that one.
Apparently I'm the only one on this planet who CAN'T be friendly? I mean I'd love to find new people to be with. Would someone mind telling me where they're all at, because I can't find them. Bars suck, clubs are boring, I don't drink much, and I can't find anyplace that people my age frequent. Maybe I'm not looking right? Maybe they don't exist.
Finally, on the whole "control over how people think of me": I've lost one too many close friends telling them that I don't like what they say about/ do to me. I'm basically down to about 5 or 6 friends that I can even call. Maybe now it's clear that I'm some sort of jerk who can't have any friends, and I'll probably die alone in some sort of drug induced coma. Not my choice of ends, but every day I wake up it seems I get closer. Perhaps you'd all like it if I just started to walk up to people and try to be friends with them. I don't know what the call it where you're from, but they'd probably call the cops on me here. I had a few people that I met at a bar or club, but they're all a bunch of drunk off their A** losers who wouldn't give me the time of day when sober.
You see my frustration. Call it being afraid, call it being "not man enough". I'd go, I'm alot less shy than I was years ago. I just would love to know where they all are. I hear that you have to look from people at work, or your friends, or bars and clubs. That is (as per the above order) tapped out, tapped out, and no luck so far.
So let me make sure I have all of this straight: You want me to dump my friends and get new ones, and hope that one of them is or knows somebody that would possibly want to be with me. Easier said than done, people. Let me ask you this: Are you saying that from the comfort of a relationship? Do you have that special person in your life? I thought I did, I was wrong. She didn't feel the same for me, and I wasted part of my life waiting for her. Probably passed up a few girls that might of been with me too.
I guess I'm just destined to be a doormat. When I was growing up, my grandma called having morals and ethics like that "being a man". She called being a nice guy and trying your hardest to be yourself "the right thing to do". It seems like more and more that women want someone to punch them in the mouth and tell them they're fat instead of a guy who'll treat them right (or at least, my conception of treating them right.) Times have changed; I'm not sure I can change to survive in them.
And I'll be honest with you, Red, I'd rather be a nice guy. It's really too bad that nice guys don't just finish last, they usually don't finish at all. You know what, I have the feeling that I'm going to be alone, for a very, very long time. Now whether you think I "have a pair" or not, I don't care. I think it's wrong to change who I am just to please the opposite sex, she should like me for who and what I am, not the facade that I put up to get her attention.
And Red, you're not the first to say this. I'm just saying that the conventional solution doesn't work for my, or at least hasn't yet. But I think it takes more balls to get up every morining and keep trying to find that girl than anything else in the world.
7/30/2006 4:31 am
My God, she gets me...the system does wotk!|
That's all I've been saying- I'm not changing, but I need help finding those out there that fit me for a match. I wish I knew where they are.
Yea, the town here...dried up? That's a good term.
As for me. I was thinking somewhere down in Texas, actually...
I trying to leave the party kids, I just can't find my keys.
7/30/2006 4:08 pm
Actually, I was going for those ronchy Corpus Christi chics that I've heard all sorts of stories about...|
7/31/2006 5:49 pm