Female 'bi-sexuality' Fact or Fiction?  

LondonDerriere 36F
1281 posts
6/23/2005 3:02 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Female 'bi-sexuality' Fact or Fiction?

In one of a discussion groups, a (possibly disgruntled) male member posed the question, Why are all the women turning to women? His query was directed (and possibly justifiably given the male to female ratio on this site) at the fact that a large number of the women (and couples) on this site only want to play with other women thus leaving even fewer girls for the 'single' guys to chase. Another member in the same discussion added that he thought that it appeared thatfemale bi-sexuality was becoming more acceptable these days.

Pulling on my 'Dr. Shelley' hat for a second, I think the answer is three fold. I may be wrong and some of you may be thinking 'what would someone her age know anyway?' And while, at 25, I may be young, I hope no-one makes the mistake of thinking youth equates to inexperience. I'm a big girl now and I've been sexually active for over 10 years. I'm not saying that as a boast, I'm just trying to give everyone some idea where I'm coming from.

Anyway, as I said, I think the answer is three fold. Yes, I do think female bi-sexuality is more publicly 'acceptable' We are living in an age where the old 'Victorian' sexual stereotypes are breaking down. Despite that, and let's be completely honest, unless a guy is openly gay or bi-sexual, he'd probably rather face the Spanish inquisition that admit to having sexual feelings towards another man. Women, generally, are less uptight about these things.

I, for example, enjoy sex with men. I would say my primary sexual attraction is to men. However, I also enjoy sex with women. Using the dictionary definition, that would make me bi-sexual. Personally, it's not a term I would chose to use to describe myself; I would just say I'm sexual; full-stop, end of story. I think this is true of a lot of 'bi-sexual women'.

A lot of this may be down to social conditioning but a lot of it is down to basic biology; which brings me to my second point.

Leaving aside reproductive sex for a moment, I'll come back to it later, the primary purpose of sexual activity is pleasure and the ultimate state of sexual pleasure is the orgasm. For men, it's fairly direct, orgasm comes from stimulation of the penis. This is generally, although not always, achieved through penetration. Whether the penetration be vaginal, anal or oral is beside the point but a woman's body is designed to be penetrated by a man's penis.

For women however, while orgasm can be achieved through penetration (I'm one of the lucky ones), the majority of women need clitoral stimulation to climax. Clitoral stimulation can be achieved using a man's penis but, frequently, fingers or tongues are more effective. Both men and women have fingers and tongues so orgasm can be achieved just as easily with a partner of either sex.

As I said before, I think women are more attuned to their sexuality at some intrinsic level and knowing what pleases her will, in most cases work with another woman.

The final point comes back to reproductive sex. Women, by virtue of the fact that we are the child bearers are the ones who carry the risk of an unwanted pregnancy. Even in this age of readily available contraception it must be remembered that no method is 100% guaranteed. For men, this is less likely to be a worry because pregnancy is something they will never have to personally endure (although the more thoughtful ones may worry about getting their partner pregnant (sorry guys, couldn't resist that one)).

For a woman then, not only is sex with another woman highly pleasurable, even if we do miss out on being stuffed full of cock (and again, being honest, that's what most of us want and plastic ones really aren't a substitute you'll be glad to hear), it is also the one form of sexual behaviour that is both highly satisfying and totally safe from a pregnancy point of view.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter, wonder if I could publish them in the British Medical Journal . Feel free to agree or disagree with them as you will.


donnie157 59M

6/23/2005 10:41 pm

Generaly speaking, men are PIGS! I'm a man, so I know what we are & admit it. Add to that corrupt & moraly bankrupt.

Don't get me wrong, I like hanging with the dudes from time to time, drinkin', swearin', talkin' pussy, business, politics (YECH) & sports, but a little of that goes a long way.

Some women are truely gay & men do nothing for them &/or only women can do it for them... Whatever. Then some are like you Shel and are open to all possibilities. There is definately a sensuality issue & women are overwhelmingly better than men, when it comes to this. I don't blame women for turning to other women for this, in fact I encourage it. LOL Plus it's just damn HOTTT & that's OK, also. LOL

Ladies try & teach us big lugs a thing or two or three or ten, when it comes to this. Guys pay attention!

Before everyone falls asleep... In my life I have seen many nice, pretty & intelligant women ending up & staying with shitheads & losers. They would truely be better off with women, but I guess I've breached another subject.

Well, you asked & those are my thoughts in no particular order!

FeelX2 60M/57F

6/24/2005 8:43 am

Not only is his young women absolutley gorgeous, but sensitive, intellegent, and spot on in her thinking. The subject of women-women parings is of great interest to those of us who wonder aloud at the almost unbelievable realization that so many women are suddenly interested and outwardly participating in same gender sex. A big thank you to Shelley for her thoughtful and appropriate article on this subject. Well done! Feelx2

GentlemanLeisure 54M
192 posts
6/24/2005 10:29 am

Shelley's blogs are always brilliantly incisive and demonstrates a keen inquisitive mind. There's certainly a lot more to this "slightly mad" Oirish medic student than her pretty face, non?
And, Shell - when's my check-up due?

theyankeerebel2 56M
8 posts
6/26/2005 1:51 am

Shelly--pure sexual pleasure--your correct! But you will get older, and besides sex--what will please you--friend, money, family, etc?

rm_waterbaby595 58F

6/28/2005 5:24 am

In reply to theyankeerebel, as an older, but not necessarily wiser, woman than Shelly, I can honestly say that I get much more sexual pleasure now than I did when I was 25! Back in those days (we're talking about the 80's), it still wasn't the done thing for women to admit to wanting, or more importantly, to giving pleasure. The few boyfriends I had were more interested in pumping away for a couple of minutes and then rolling over and having a cigarette! Not good...... For me to suggest that I might want to give them oral...ye gods!....I may well have suggested that I want to rip of their cock - although my powers of persuasion were brilliant, so I got my way in the end! And as for them giving me oral...not a hope in hell! These days, I'm more enlightened, thanks to the internet and my fellow AdultFriendFinder'ers, and know what I want. One of these things (to be done before I die!) is to make love with another woman, to do to someone else the things that I've been longing to have done to me. In this respect, I totally agree with Shelly, that although it is good to be stuffed with cock, it is equally important to have clitoral stimulation. The two types of orgasm are completely different (for me anyway), as the clitoral one is far more intense and satisfying. Any other women out there feel the same way?

rm_IrelandFun 38M
6 posts
7/6/2005 8:35 am

Certianly worth publishing in the BMJ!!!!

curious_blr_ones 43M/43F

7/6/2005 10:45 pm

You are a fascinating woman Shelley And, your observations are quite interesting. This is the man writing, and my partner tells me that she has heard similar things on this from other women.

chowbox2004 43M
210 posts
7/11/2005 3:57 pm

Just checking in to see if you are all right. I imagine that you have been gone because of the events that have taken place in London. I hope that you and your family are well.

Sensual_Delicacy 36F
1 post
7/12/2005 2:39 pm

Hi Shelley,

Well all I can say is Wooooooow your blog is really good. I’ve just read ever one of your posts, they are all interesting and some are really very good. You are not necessarily right on all fronts and I will post my thoughts in response to see what you think but I have been quite inundated with mail since I joined thus far so it may take a while I'm just getting to know my way around. How do you get so much time to type? I'm glad to have discovered what may be a kindered spirit, x

rm_jcwhitingjr 46M

7/14/2005 3:58 pm

I don't understand what women see in men to begin with! lol

After all, we're hairy, smelly, dirty and raw.

Of course, that is a guy's point of view too! lol

dyingforsome2 38M
1 post
7/15/2005 5:21 pm

Can I say a well written article? You’re intelligently put forward clear argument and understanding in your piece. I don’t think your age made a difference in this article, it is clear that you are worldly older than your years.

ahandfulforu 59M

7/18/2005 1:38 pm

Wish there was somthing to disagree with to get a conversation going but I believe your observations to be spot on. I have spent some time reading your blogs, interesting and positive thoughts. All based on practical research? Whatever you are studying, if it is not pschology it should be - you are therapist material.

sexsationalnow 37M/38F

7/18/2005 7:10 pm

Great article Shelley. I think you are spot on with pretty much all of it.

I know for a fact that my girlfriend does not feel intimidated in any way by another woman (no matter how predatory, or how she likes her pleasure).
Because of this, there is no problem inviting a girl to join us. On the other hand, it is a big step to invite another man as this would leave her 'outnumbered' so to speak.

As regards the issue of more women becoming bi-sexual, possibly this is true and is down to changing societal attitudes as previously stated.

Personally I think it again comes down to men being too aggressive and also the primal instincts of men having to 'dominate' situations / territory etc.

I admit that I'm bi-curious - I sometimes fantasize about giving a guy oral or having a cock in me. But I think that afterwards I would feel that I have lost something as a man, strength, power or whatever.
From what my girlfriend tells me, she feels that she has shared something with the other woman not lost.

sexsationalnow 37M/38F

7/18/2005 7:15 pm

Oh and a comment to add to my boyfriends above, in relation to the guy / girl ratio on this site, IF a single girl or couple finally decided that they wanted to meet up with a single guy - WHY should they settle for the unattractive, less well endowed guys who show no interest in converstation but are only on here for 'a good time' i.e. get laid.
It may seem unfair BUT the same rules apply here as out in the off-line world - nice people get invites, the assholes don't.
If you aren't a super model (and we're not either) just make an effort to be nice, honest and above all yourself.

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