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LilSquirt_4mfm 67M/67F
3394 posts
11/7/2005 6:37 pm

SIX tips for a woman.... It is important that:

1. a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. a man makes you happy & laugh.
3. a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. a man loves you and spoils you.
5. a man gives you sexual pleasure beyond your dreams
& 6 !!!! It is absolutely essential that these 5 men don't know each other!

Sex is like cards, you gotta have a good partner , or you better have a good hand

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no
matter how bad it is." 1997, Barbara Bush

Signs You've Had A Bad First Date... You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her

"I'm really trying to see things from your point of view, but I just can't seem to get my head shoved that far up my ass!"

-------------------------------------------------------------

BLONDIES!!!!

THE DUMMY
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's
doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he
starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the
4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of
your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype
women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with
her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential
as a person.
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general ...and all in the name of humor!
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on
your knee!"

THE BLIND MAN
A blind man enters a "Ladies" Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the
bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just
fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still really want to tell that
joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

-------------------------------------------------------

A Cpl of Catholic Jokes

"4 CATHOLIC MOMS"
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hardbodied, well hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My GOD...."
Remember your spirit!!

"BASEBALL"
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your
friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, You're in my closet now!!!!"

---------------------------------------------------

WHY IS IT ???

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

If you ask the book store clerk where the "self-help" section..... isn't that defeating the purpose??

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultry??

"If you love something set it free. If it doesn't come back then hunt it down and kill it!"

OK...........................All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand


LilSquirt_4mfm 67M/67F
3394 posts
11/12/2005 4:56 pm

JOKES

SIX tips for a woman.... It is important that:

1. a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. a man makes you happy & laugh.
3. a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. a man loves you and spoils you.
5. a man gives you sexual pleasure beyond your dreams
& 6 !!!! It is absolutely essential that these 5 men don't know each other!

Sex is like cards, you gotta have a good partner , or you better have a good hand

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or
where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no
matter how bad it is." 1997, Barbara Bush

Signs He's Had A Bad First Date... He finds out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her

"I'm really trying to see things from your point of view, but I just can't seem to get my head shoved that far up my a**!"

I firmly believe that everyone is entitled to MY Opinion !!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------

BLONDIES!!!!

THE DUMMY
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's
doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he
starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the
4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of
your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype
women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with
her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential
as a person.
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general ...and all in the name of humor!
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on
your knee!"

THE BLIND MAN
A blind man enters a "Ladies" Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the
bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just
fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still really want to tell that
joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

-------------------------------------------------------
CATHOLIC JOKES

"4 CATHOLIC MOMS"
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hardbodied, well hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My GOD...."
Remember your spirit!!

"BASEBALL"
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your
friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, You're in my closet now!!!!"

---------------------------------------------------

WHY IS IT ???

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

If you ask the book store clerk where the "self-help" section..... isn't that defeating the purpose??

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultry??

"If you love something set it free. If it doesn't come back then hunt it down and kill it!"

OK...........................All those who believe in psychokinesis please raise my hand!!!


nedthebundler 56M/59F

11/28/2005 3:28 pm

Lil,
Just heard this one yesterday...

James Bond walks into a bar, sits down next to this gorgeous woman, and orders a drink. He doesn't say anything to her, but makes eye contact and smiles. He keeps looking at his watch, and finally this woman says "Why do you keep looking at your watch like that?" He says "It's the newest gadget from the R&D Lab, it reads peoples thoughts. Right now it's telling me you aren't wearing any panties ." She looks at him and says, "I'm sorry but you're wrong, I am wearing panties." He looks down at his watch again and says, "Dammit, it's running an hour ahead again!"

Madness takes its toll. Exact change please!


KMA5 40M
771 posts
11/30/2005 11:59 am

3 ladies (brunette, redhead and blonde) are on top of a burning building when the fire department comes. The firefighters have the safety net out and tell the ladies to jump. The redhead pushes past the other two, cussing at their hesitation for escape. The firefighters move aside and she falls to the ground. They then move back to their original spot and call for the others to jump. The brunette says she'd rather burn after seeing what they did to the previous jumper. They hurriedly shouted that she was rude and pushy and deserved her fate either way besides they liked brunettes more. With the flames rising behind her the brunette jumps but the firemen move away again. She falls beside the other and the firefighters move back over for the blonde to jump. "Hell No!" she screams. "Put down that net so you don't move it again; then I'll jump"


LilSquirt_4mfm 67M/67F
3394 posts
12/2/2005 6:20 pm

THANKS GUYS

Keep em CUMing!!!!!!


and cuming .....and cuming ...and cuming ...hehe


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