What's new (s) ???  

LilBlondeNZ 40F
1259 posts
7/12/2006 5:29 pm
What's new (s) ???

I'm alive and well!

*Very* well I should say!

Except one thing.

I've decided that I hate the evening news guy here.

I hate him!

Bulge says he's OK. I say he's a wanker.

His name is Campbell; I don't know if that's his last name or his first name). He has these weird waggling eyebrows and is completely overdramatic.

Dude!
You're a news anchor in New Zealand fer fuck's sake!
Nothing important happens here!
Chill the fuck out.

This may as well have been his broadcast yesterday.



"Good evening, New Zealand.

I'm Campbell, and here's the nation's top stories.

Today in Auckland, millions of people,

(ahem, ummm I mean dozens of people)

are already outraged at the rocketing sky high prices of petrol. And now it's getting worse

So.
Much.
Worse.

The price of petrol at the Gas 'n' Go soared another 2 dollars per liter today!

(*cough* I mean 2 cents)

A increase that will spell DISASTER AND BANKRUPTCY throughout the city! Tens of thousands of people will no longer be able to afford their homes!

Ummm I mean tens of people won't be able to afford their morning lattes...

One angry protester took to the streets rallying others in support of tax relief for the hardworking middle class citizens of this great country of ours!

But nobody really paid attention... and nothing really... happened...

And today in the OTHER news! A horrifying sight... dozens of weather-beaten sheep covered in the fierce winter's snow crossed the street today. Passengers in the veering cars mercilessly honked at them as they came precariously close to TOTAL AND UTTER DEVASTATION!

ahem, ummm actually, total and utter boredom. As they sat in their cars waiting for the sheep to get out of the way.

As the sheep bahhhed.... and then nothing really...happened.


OK! And lastly in OTHER news today, there was a deadly accident on the South West Motorway today!

Yes, I know there's only one Motorway.

Nobody was actually killed, but someone was desperately close to being mildly bruised. On the knee at that... a crucial joint, as we all know.

A steady, cold rain fell as police struggled to find any clue at all as to the cause. As the police completely closed all two lanes, they finally exhumed a Burger Fuel wrapper from the wreckage.

*cue picture of "wreckage", consisting of a bent fender on a 1993 Toyota Corolla*

It seems that the "Double Super Bastard" burger was too much for its fated driver to handle while operating the monstrous vehicle, and caused the driver to rear end the car in front of it causing complete chaos on the road.

A Bastard indeed.

Indeed.

*Waggling eyebrows furrowed in thought*

That's all for tonight, New Zealand.
This is Campbell signing off.
Stay strong, New Zealand.
And be well."


Wanker....!

A


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
7/12/2006 7:48 pm

I'm with you...he's a total wanker...spakker too. Glad to hear you and Mr. Bulgy are alive and well. I've missed your sunny faces and laughter. Soooo...have you scoped out locations for our very first Ben & Jerry's? (Imagine THAT evening news report). giggle

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
7/12/2006 8:38 pm

Just imagine how his eyebrows will waggle if the price of bread goes up. They might declare a national emergency then.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


barbiebunny 36F
5597 posts
7/12/2006 8:51 pm

idgit.... really..hes a wanker... a...u need to apply for the job or be the weather girl! Id get satillite tv!

Its good to be...ME


fantasia_shares 47M/43F
4164 posts
7/12/2006 9:54 pm

LOL...now, dear, tell us how you really feel.

Fantasia

(it's not like u can expect some hot shot US News anchor!...remember, your in Bulge territory, now...they all fuck sheep ffs!)

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman? !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!
{=}


want2play926 45F

7/13/2006 11:57 am

LMAO...

Sorry, it must be painful and a huge adjustment, but that shit is funny!


chasingfun27 38M
1108 posts
7/14/2006 4:00 am

    Quoting fantasia_shares:
    LOL...now, dear, tell us how you really feel.

    Fantasia

    (it's not like u can expect some hot shot US News anchor!...remember, your in Bulge territory, now...they all fuck sheep ffs!)
We generally only pick on the pretty ones.

You're right, Campbell is a toss, but his competition is a dirty old slag, and a shithouse hospital soap. It's re-runs of Futurama for this boy.


Peche85 31F

7/14/2006 4:30 pm

LMAO. He used to be cool. I think his head could be stuck to far up his ass now though hehe.


rm_1hotwahine 63F
21091 posts
7/14/2006 6:14 pm

Oh, how I missed reading your posts...

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


MarcoPolo197676 40M
541 posts
7/14/2006 10:25 pm

NZ, I have never been there yet, goin to thou, especially after meeting the new kiwi receptionist.


shelby427cobra 48M
24 posts
7/15/2006 4:28 am

Ah yes, sheep and New Zealand, memories of greater Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, Christchurch................slowly, it all comes back.

Memories of a certain ventriloquist, down on his luck, he stopped at a small farm while traveling the rural North Island countryside, whereupon he spotted a farmer tending to his crops. The ventriloquist decides to have some fun with him. He says to the NZ farmer, "How does your dog over there like it on the farm?" The NZ farmer replies, "Are you mad? The bloody dog barks!" To which, the ventriloquist throws his voice and the dog says, "He doesn't give me enough water." The farmer is amazed. Whereupon, the ventriloquist asks, "And what about your chickens over yonder? Are you treating them any better?" The farmer cajoles, "You be mad! Bloody chickens cluck, not talk!" To which the chickens then speak up, "He's a cheapskate on seed!" amidst their clucking and pecking about. Again, the farmer is shocked. Just then, the ventriloquist notices a distant pen where the sheep are kept. As he begins asking about the sheep, the NZ farmer interrupts him shouting, "Sheep lie! Sheep lie!"

www[.]nz[.]com[/]new-zealand[/]guide-book


Seriously_Real 48M

7/17/2006 7:27 am

Just shows to go ya that obnoxious is American, but stupid is universal.

Missed you.

--Seriously


Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
7/19/2006 6:12 am

I know the feeling, I'm thinking about beating up a weatherman!


bardicman 50M

7/22/2006 1:14 pm

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

You are probably the biggest news in NZ!!!



I am not dead yet


funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
8/1/2006 2:42 am

To call someone a wanker is so... not British or even colonial
Try this one for size, we love it over here and it rolls off the tongue so nicely cobveying true meaning amd satisfaction to all thet hear it.
You ready?

TWAT.

Aint that sweet?


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