The Inevitable  

Lapkin4u 42F
497 posts
1/10/2006 9:27 am

Last Read:
3/6/2006 1:29 pm

The Inevitable

The inevitable is finally happening. I am moving out of my house and separating from my husband. It has been tough but I have remained strong as an oak, with only short moments of confusion. I feel really bad that he didn't get the whole picture until it was too late, but live and learn, right? I get that he really loves me, but he can't love me the way I need to be loved. It's sad to see a ten year marriage go down the tubes but the truth is it should have ended long ago. I held on and gave everything I had to my marriage, it's too bad that it can't work out. I think he will find that he will be alot happier when I am gone, he says different but I think he is just afraid of the change. I am all he has known for so long he can't see past that. I wish him the best of luck in all he does, I really do. He had hoped that I would see that he has changed and give him another chance, then I saw that side of him come out again...in anger of course. That is my whole point though, what's gonna happen the next time we have an argument? Is that other face going to show itself? How many chances do you get? I reached my limit on how many I'm willing to give. The whole thing reminds me of a song....So now I'm finally going down, can't find my way back home, Now there's no one else around, can't find my way back home, will I ever see the light even though I've fallen,will there ever be any peace for me...and I wanna take you down, but your soul cannot be found, doesn't matter much you see because your disease is killing me.

It's so true his disease has killed my love for him. I have much respect for him but I will never love him the way I used to, there's just too much pain and my heart is too scared for me to ever try it again. It's sad because I love his family and my family loves him but none of those people have lived MY life for the last 10 1/2 years, so they could never understand why. It's a new year for new beginnings and I'm taking mine. Maybe it's a mistake, but at least it will be by my choice with a clear conscience. Happy New Year!


giggidy1969 47M  
43 posts
1/10/2006 3:26 pm

I wish you nothing but the best Lapkin!!!!!!!!


billybobobbriggs 42M
18 posts
1/10/2006 5:56 pm

Ditto Lapkin,

Hope you find what you are looking for, and hopefully this will act as the smack upside your hubby's head to seek some help on the anger management stuff. Perhaps this is just what he needs in a weird way... They say you don't know what ya had till ya lost it.

Hang tough kiddo!
--Billybobobbriggs--


Mick_Stone2112 42M

1/12/2006 9:12 am

Lapkin,

Glad to see your in the position to take control, I'm here for you if you need to talk or just want to go for a walk...I know still cold but hey not snowing this time...lol! F,H,L,-Mick


rm_playtimex4 49M/51F

1/13/2006 3:15 am

We wish you the best in your new beginnings, maybe you can go for what you really want. good luck. looking forward to the 20th. S&T


rm_smd70 46M
51 posts
1/13/2006 8:15 am

wish i had the same courage you do. well, good luck and if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.


keithcancook 60M
17827 posts
1/16/2006 7:16 pm

Oh my! You're life is about to take a fateful turn.

As you adjust to it, you will rediscover joys long forgotten. And fears as well. The world is a wonderful place. Go grab some of it, Lapkin! Best wishes to you!


Lapkin4u 42F

1/17/2006 7:17 am

Thank You everyone for your words of encouragement, It really means alot!


thickcock7x6 46M
9 posts
1/22/2006 9:01 am

It is tough leaving someone that you have been with for a while. There is a comfort level that you grow to know and it is scary leaving it. Your first few months you will have all of theses emotions and it hurts. You just have to let your mind control your heart sometimes and it all works out. Stay a good person, be honest with yourself and you'll be ok. Stay in touch with his family... dont shut yourself out from that, if they are good people they will understand. It will also help you to cope knowing his family knows how you feel.

Good luck to you

Ron

P.S.
I am keeping an eye on your blog because it is fresh...touching .. funny .. and i think that you are a special person.. we might need to meet.


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