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Six Foot Asshole
Six Foot Asshole
Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, boy?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?"
"67 miles per hour, son! 67 miles per hour in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled and said in his sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish, and said, "What kind of job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What did you say, boy?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, then one whole hand, and then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six-foot asshole?"
Bob said, "You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"
9/11/2005 2:51 am
Hello...This post is to remind you about the Blogger's Convention scheduled October 21,22,23 and set for the ChicagoLand area(Bolingbrook--a suburb) |
It is a chance for you to meet the folk that you have been reading, commenting, and chatting with. Before we go any further, this is NOT a giant sex orgy but a chance to interact with your new found blogging friends face-to-face.
The opening night festivities are still in the planning stage.(I need to have an actual head count on that before I can proceed and make commitments to the banquet facility. But in the plans are a Masked Ball--expected to be a lavish formal affair)
The 46 Zone Party will be held on the evening of the 22nd at the 46 Zone bar attached to the Ditka Dome(enclosed sports dome facility with an indoor driving range) Typically the bar has a live band on Saturday nights (no cover charge to date) The food and drink costs there are reasonable and one can imbibe for about twenty bucks.
There will be an "after" party on the 21st after the Masked Ball; and a "before" and "after" party on the 22nd in the hospitality suite at the hotel to continue on with the festivities. These parties will have food and alcohol/soft beverages and will be bought in bottle form with appetizer platters from local stores. The bar in the hospitality suite would be a serve yourself type of set-up.
The hotel is new and nicely furnished. Complimentary breakfasts are included with the room; the hotel has a pool, workout facility, complimentary wi-fi service, in-room coffee makers, mini refrigerators, iron & ironing board, and laptrays to support your laptops. There is a complimentary coffee bar located off the lobby area which is available 24 hours for a selection of coffees, teas, and hot chocolate. Hotel rates are reasonable and information can be found at Convention Information Pictures of the hotel and its rooms are also available for you to see.
In the works is a photo session opportunity as well as some classes/demos.
If you have not already done so, you are also invited to join bloggers of this friendly site The group was designed to address the technical aspects of blogging, but has metamorphosized into something much more--a "family" of bloggers...many of who will be attending the upcoming Convention.
Thank you for your time and I hope to meet you in person.
9/19/2005 12:54 pm
That Bob is a very funny man. lol|
10/2/2005 5:42 am
Ticket?: $180; Bail the next morning?: $500; the look on that cops face when given the punchline?: Priceless! |
<this part came with mine the 1st time i got it e-mailed to me...i'm only guessing on the $$ amount as i can't really remember what it was>
Haven't heard that one in over a year and i still laughed out loud.
You had such a happy, fun, "loverly" photo, that when it popped up at the top of the page i just had to take a look at what you were blogging (at the very least if i couldn't look at your profile). Glad i did now.
Look forward to visiting your blog more in the future to see just what you have to say on...well, anything!
10/3/2005 9:40 am
Hey thanks wana! Welcome to lapkinland! *WINK*|
10/4/2005 5:18 am
"Lapkinland?" Isn't that where it stays frozen most of the year and they raise all those reindeer? lol I just couldn't resist|
I'm still wondering where the "lapkin" is coming from?
"Wink" right back at ya!...i just so love a flirt "...I think i'm in love..." (think Eddie Money here/in case ya can't tell i'm in to music...it seems almost everything reminds me of a song)