Key to reading personal ads  

Lapkin4u 42F
497 posts
8/26/2005 8:13 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Key to reading personal ads

Haven't posted anything funny for awhile so this is long past due, LOL Enjoy!

Women's Ads

40-ish: 48
Adventurer: Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic: Flat-chested
Average looking: Ugly
Beautiful: Pathological liar
Contagious Smile: Bring your penicillin
Educated: College dropout
Emotionally Secure: Medicated
Feminist: Fat; ball buster
Free spirit: Substance user
Friendship first: Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun: Annoying
Gentle: Comatose
Good Listener: Borderline Autistic
New-Age: All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded: Desperate
Outgoing: Loud
Passionate: Loud
Poet: Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional: Real Witch
Redhead: Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque: Grossly Fat
Romantic: Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous: Very Fat
Weight proportional to height: Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking
Widow: Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart: Toothless crone
Seeks financially-solvent male: Gold digger

Men's Ads

40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated: Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit: Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first: As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun: Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking: Arrogant
Honest: Pathological Liar
Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle: Insecure, overly dependent
Mature: Until you get to know him
Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fit: I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
Poet: Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual: Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable: Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful: Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Independently wealthy: Inherited money from Mommy & Daddy
Seeks long-term Relationship: Drop dead after we sleep together
Likes to talk: Machiavellian, see "honest"
Iconoclast, Independent: Homeless
Bored: Suicidal
Geek: Washed jeans last month
Financially secure: Seeking father/daughter relationship
8" Cock: 4.5"

PB133 69M

8/28/2005 7:58 pm

LOL...good one! This now makes me want to change my Profile.
On my Profile I have:
funny: shouts at imaginary people when walking down the street
fairly fit: watches ESPN, but not too much
interesting: collects road kills, keeps them in freezer

Actually, we have no ESPN up of the main reasons NBA players don't like to get traded to the Raptors. (!)(?)

saginawdick 44M
16 posts
8/31/2005 7:59 am

HeHe.... Good stuff!

bottomplay 64M

9/11/2005 7:42 am

I love it!

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