5 dollah, 5 dollah. Me think you looooong time.  

LadiesChoice15 36M
3 posts
2/12/2006 10:17 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

5 dollah, 5 dollah. Me think you looooong time.

In the course of my online wanderings I've come across an ever more prominent phenomena that I'm sure you've all noticed as well. Ah, but did you think to label it in terms of a sophomoric sexual metaphor? Well, I did, so here goes. Intellectual masturbation (aren't I the clever one?).
Let me paint you a familiar picture. You go online to some discussion board concerning some rather innocuous topic. Let's say, hypothetically, that you're a maturity-challenged 25 year old grad student who wants to learn more about the upcoming The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe movie (like I was the only single adult male who wasn't too "cool" or too "straight" to watch the latest Harry Potter movie. screw you people). Suddenly, you're adrift in a harsh verbal melee'. Apparently, you were the only one there interested in learning more about the plot. Everyone else wants to discuss the effect that the underlying Christian imagery will have on impressionable young children. Or, even worse, they want to discuss the pros and cons of organized religion. So here I am...I mean, here's this 25 year old loser, just looking for a little info on what looks to be an entertaining little flick and now he's caught up in some kind of digital holy war (not to give any of my muslim pals any new ideas. Salaam, my swarthy brethren, salaam).
Now there's nothing wrong with discussing these kinds of hot topics (the Iraq war, abortion, homosexuality, "jimmies" or "sprinkles"). What's wrong, so horribly wrong, is the venue for those discussions. It tells me that these people aren't really interested in convincing others of the merits of their argument or converting people to their way of thinking. What they really want is to make themselves feel good by showing how smart they are and ostensibly interact with others while actually interacting with just themselves (these people always talk past each other and unleash canned arguments that were uninspired the first time someone used them). Here's where my puerile little mind comes in handy. Isn't what I just described really just masturbation of a non-corporeal variety?
No, no. Don't turn away in disgust. I really do want to convince you of the merits of my argument. Think about the similarities between these two types of self gratification. Both usually involve sitting in front of a computer. Both involve artificially inflating your sense of self worth through the denigration of others. Both cause you to gradually go blind (if you believed all those celibate men of the cloth or if your screen resolution isn't up to snuff).
You see, the problem with intellectual masturbation is the same as the one with the type that the fairer sex finds so distasteful (yet how do you explain the popularity of pulsating, massaging shower heads? Uncomfortable silence from the ladies). It's no substitute for the real thing. There's nothing to compare to the meeting of two minds in a mutually enlightening, genuinely engaging conversation just like there's nothing to compare to the touch of a real live woman (one day, Pete, one day. don't give up hope).
Now you'll have to excuse me. I have to go talk about the ramifications of the Warsaw Pact on a Lindsay Lohan fan site.


MarriedMomMore 47F
3 posts
2/12/2006 8:15 pm

Thanks, I really needed a laugh.


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