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Trivial Pursuit. (Not the game)
Trivial Pursuit. (Not the game)
You know, I was in such a good mood earlier tonight. Had a pretty good date last night, was watching a movie with my roommate, drinking a little vino. Yet all it took was one phone conversation for something to make something go "click" in my head that put this whole thing in focus. Now, I try not to use this formum as a bitch session. I'm typically a very well-mannered, positive girl. HOWEVER, I just gotta say...
Dating is a trivial pursuit lately. I think I've figured out that it's really about meeting a whole bunch of people, and one by one going through and determining just how much I would have to compromise in order to spend any kind of significant time with them...Would I have to compromise my sanity because I am bored out of my friggin skull? Would I have to compromise my safety because I'm convinced somewhere underneath there is a complete sociopath lurking? Would I have to compromise my optimism because he's a miserable fuck at heart? Would I have to compromise my heart because he's a wannabe-player with intimacy issues? Would I have to compromise my ideas and aspirations to suit his own? Would I have to give up my needs because he's self-centered? Would I have to compromise the integrity of my skeletal bones because he has a "bit of a temper" when he drinks? Would I have to compromise my selfesteem because he thinks I "could be a model if only I (insert sideways compliment here)"? Would I have to compromise my plans because he's traditional and would expect me to quit my job and settle down and pop out some kids? Would I have to compromise in the sex dept because he couldnt find his way out a paper bag and needs a "teacher"? Would I have to compromise my vocabulary because it's wasted on his small, uneducated mind? Would I have to compromise passion because with him its "just ok"? How many sentences am I going to end with "other than that, he's a great guy..."?
Just how much do I actually hate being lonely right now?
Not THAT much, I'll tell you that.
I've been dancing over fine lines all summer... It's a fine line between "just sex" and "getting involved", it's a fine line between friendship and love, it's a fine line between independence and lonliness.... it's dizzying. I have 9 guys guys on speed dial, another 38 on Yahoo IM and I'd have to take from one and give to another 4 times to find someone who's straightup, mature, and sexy, who can treat me well, who I truly can say I connect with without the bullshit games and drama. The one I truly feel connected to is married with 2 kids, the one who fucks the hell out of me is a mental case, the one I really liked at the beginning of the summer is too busy to make time for me, the one with the killer body is boring, the one I was in love with moved away, another one I like is just in it purely for the sex and is dumb, another is sweet but too young, another one I am intrigued by but can't read at all. The others.... argh -are much worse.
And the others leave me voicemails and wonder why I'm not calling? Why I've shyed away? Here are some suggestions: Grow up, stop begging for sex the second you meet me, move out of your mom's house, open the friggin door for me, at least pretend you're not in it for the sole purpose of adding a notch to your bedpost, read a book, figure out that Sweden and Switzerland are two separate countries, don't wait 3 days to call, don't reschedule me like a date with me is equivalent to a dentist appointment, shave and wear something that doesn't look like you pulled it out of the laundry, don't move to the other side of the country and blow me off for 2 weeks and wonder why I've lost interest, don't consistently take a week to email me back and expect me to be impressed because you're "just sooooo busy", don't come over for dinner and not offer to at least bring wine, don't answer your cell and talk to your cousin for 15 minutes in the middle of dinner, smile at least once during the evening, and if youre going to watch TV, could you occassionaly make it something other than a reality show, cartoons or wrestling?, and dont chew with your mouth open. Is it really that hard?
I am sooooo not a manhater. And I'm not a snob. But I'm getting frustrated. I've accepted that fact that I can't find anyone on AdultFriendFinder- that's ok, it has served its purpose... but it seems not to be limited to this site. Where are the real men gone? Is there a certain state they've all relocated to? Are they not American? Are they a myth?
OK. Deep Breath. This concludes this random spontaneous rant.
Maybe I'm just going to declare celibacy. I have vibrator, F all of you. LOL (There's a thought, but I think I would last all of 3 weeks before breaking down)
9/8/2005 4:29 pm
It is tough! As you get older the better candidates already are taken. So the commitment phobes and psychos tend to be left over. Intelligence, kindness and good character are always scarce. You also want him to have a job, be a gentleman, look attractive, be great in bed, have a scintillating personality and be single. Not many will fit all the prerequisites! Good luck! The ones with the best bodies are gay bodybuilders, the richest ones are conservative Republicans or selfish asses, and the nice guys are generally married. Sad.|