Happy Anniversary  

LilBlondeNZ 40F
1259 posts
6/15/2006 4:22 pm
Happy Anniversary

Cold gazpacho on a warm summer afternoon... You know it was always my favorite and you never put any celery in because you knew I hated celery.

And I loved that.

You've seen the road I've been on, and you've seen the ups and down, how I got sidetracked. I know it's not what you wanted for me, but as you can see things came full circle.

I never doubted I'd breathe, but wasn't sure I'd live again.

10 years.

A piece of me died that day that I will never get back. The day you left me on my own, our future wiped out in one afternoon... one of my worst moments. Numb for a year, I wore your ring. But always always I felt you were there when I needed you, when I didn't think I could do it anymore you always said "Princesa, go on now..."

Go on.

And so I did, long way around... now it's 10 years later and I miss you still but pain has dulled and perspective has grown. We might not have been meant to be, but my life would never have been the same without you.

But I am without you.
And now it's ok.

Now you see I'm on my way. I'm back on track and you know I'll be well taken care of. I still think that maybe you had something to do with my long overdue luck. And if it's true, I thank you.

Thank you so much.

Because you can see this is what I needed, that this is what was destined for me. Even though I buried you 10 years ago today, I will never bury your memory. And it is part of me like all the other experiences I have picked up along the way. All the times I cried now are eclipsed with all the times I'll smile. That loss has made me appreciate what is real, and what is lasting.

And that is love.

So as I sit here at the beach, eating cold gazpacho, I think of you and know that everything is right. And I smile when I think that you know that too.

Happy Anniversary J, and thank you.

A


bulging_boy 49M

6/15/2006 4:49 pm

Everything you've been through has brought you to where you are now.

For that, I'll be sitting beside you saying 'Thanks' too.

You know... I love having reasons to hold you, but I love not having a reason as well.

Thanks babe, who you are and everything you've been through, have allowed you to emerge as this incredibly beautiful butterfly. A butterfly that has come into my life and transformed a mundane existance into one full of promise.

I will always let you keep those memories, they are part of you and who you are. I'm here to give you comfort when you need it.

Too much to say in a comment honey, close your eyes and listen to your heart. You'll get the message.

xx


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
6/15/2006 4:58 pm

    Quoting bulging_boy:
    Everything you've been through has brought you to where you are now.

    For that, I'll be sitting beside you saying 'Thanks' too.

    You know... I love having reasons to hold you, but I love not having a reason as well.

    Thanks babe, who you are and everything you've been through, have allowed you to emerge as this incredibly beautiful butterfly. A butterfly that has come into my life and transformed a mundane existance into one full of promise.

    I will always let you keep those memories, they are part of you and who you are. I'm here to give you comfort when you need it.

    Too much to say in a comment honey, close your eyes and listen to your heart. You'll get the message.

    xx
Between what you wrote and his comment all I can say right now is


rm_DaphneR 58F
7938 posts
6/15/2006 5:06 pm

Bulge is trying to figure out how to eat gazpacho on toast.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
6/15/2006 5:30 pm

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

You are one (of two) in a million...

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


helga_hansen 49F  
1987 posts
6/15/2006 11:54 pm

*Giggles at Daph's comment*

It is always so nice to see two people in love... be happy, you two.

♥♥HH♥♥

PS. A... memories are always good, and you know he'd want for you to be happy!



Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥


Seriously_Real 48M

6/16/2006 12:53 am

I understand your post very well, Lil....and Bulge's comment, too.

Thank you both. Thank you.

(Did 1HOT really just quote a cliche? Wow.)

Love you....

--Seriously


LIBlonde97 40F
1028 posts
6/16/2006 1:35 am

VH1 Behind the Post commentary:

When I was 20, I was engaged to a really amazing guy. I was a foreign languages minor and he was my TA for Spanish Literature. We had an instant bond and we were engaged 4 months after we met. J was killed in a car accident on the way to the airport to pick up his mom who had come from Miami to visit. We were going to tell her our good news in person. I waited for him thinking he had gotten caught in traffic. Finally there was a knock on the front door. I rushed to answer it, but instead it was the police (they had traced the car he was in back to me and J didn't have ID on him). I knew as soon as I saw them. I don't remember much after that.

I'm not a religious person, so I'm not so sure about heaven and all of that, but I do believe that the people we love stay with us after we die. It's difficult to explain how although tears were running down when I was writing this, I'm really happy... I finally feel at peace with the whole situation. All this time I was hanging onto to the feeling that I'd been gipped out of our perfect future. I can finally let it go.

I'm not so sure that if real life had gotten a chance to play out it would have truly been so perfect; we were young, naive, and I wouldve had problems getting into his home country. But when he was killed so suddenly, I plunged into a yearlong numb depression that was the major factor in me agreeing to marry my first husband. It was a stupid choice, but all I knew was that I didn't want to be alone. I figured that I had had my chance, and it had come and gone.

Having gone that path, ended it, and turned around trying to make things right again... I'm really happy that I'm back in a good place.

To have a second chance at love, to be even more fortunate... I'm very lucky. And although I still miss J, I don't grieve anymore. I have closure knowing that everything that has happened up to this point has brought me to exactly where I'm supposed to be...

Here.

Which is the best place I've ever been.

A


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
6/16/2006 3:43 am

Isn't it strange how we end up where we are?
Things happen in life that hurt like hell and have us wondering "why me"? And sometimes it isn't until so much later that you understand the reason behind it. Like you said...if not for him, your road through life would have been so much different. And that road led you to Bulge...with the knowledge and perspective to truly appreciate what the two of you have found and made.


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
6/16/2006 5:11 pm

This reminds me a lot of the post that SJ did on threads. One of the points that keeps coming back to me is how we can never see the whole thread at the same time. Only she said it better. Now, looking at a twenty year piece of the thread, it makes sense. Kind of makes me excited about seeing how the next 20 segment will fit into this one.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
6/16/2006 10:19 pm

You are such a beautiful soul. Your shining is hurting my eyes. It truly puts the truth in the whole, "Closed door, open window" thing. Be happy now, it's obvious you were meant to be.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11238 posts
6/20/2006 4:47 am


I'm with saint, and SD ....

great that you're so happy


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