Like Nothing Ever Happened...  

Knot4Everyone 40F
734 posts
4/27/2006 6:38 pm

Last Read:
5/5/2006 9:49 pm

Like Nothing Ever Happened...

I don't understand people.

A few months ago a friend of mine stopped being a friend. He just stopped. Without actually saying it, he made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Why? Well, that's a good question. Since he decided he was no longer talking to me I wasn't able to find out why. (It's a catch-22 sort of thing.)

I was hurt and very confused, but I wasn't about to force him to be my friend. I decided to leave him alone and just move on, not to worry about it. Cool.

Well, a week or two ago he contacted me again. It was just small talk kind of stuff, but he acted as though we had never stopped talking. It was really weird. He even asked if we could hang out sometime! I don't have anything against this guy, but I am even more confused now. I'm willing but hesitant to be friends again - not sure I want to invest the time and energy only to be left in the dark again. What's the common phrase for that? Oh yeah - "once bitten, twice shy."

I just don't know...

Have you ever experienced a sudden end to a relationship (bf/gf or friendship) and not known why? Has the estranged friend/lover ever tried to pick up where you had left off without acknowledging a rift had ever existed? What did you feel and/or think about that?


rm_4wolfsr 58M

4/27/2006 8:02 pm

When I was in college I knew a girl that I thought of as a friend. Nothing romantic or sexual, just a friend. What you are describing sounds an awful lot like her. The first time she turned a cold shoulder on me I thought it was something I did or that she was stressed over midterms. Several weeks later she was acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. Then it happened again one weekend we were supposed to go to the beach. She never called or anything. When I showed up at her apartment to pick her up she just acted like she didn't know me or give a damn if I drew another breath.
Then I figured out that she was using me and other guys too as a way of making her newest attraction jealous. Once the jealousy was established she didn't "need" me around any more. At least not until it was time to move on to the next guy. I called her on it, told her I thought it was a pretty shitty way to treat me and the person she was interested in. She just said the ens justify the means. Pretty callous attitude, at least to my definition of what a friend is supposed to be.


rm_dragonheat23 51M
1158 posts
4/28/2006 8:10 am

I've lost two friends when they just stopped calling or returning my calls. I never figured out why they "dropped" me. I had asked why the cold shoulder and if I had done something wrong. Never did get an answer.


TrapsTomesSteed 42M
202 posts
4/28/2006 8:50 am

Can't say I've had that happen. Any lost friendships have had a pretty identifiable root cause. But I'd be a little apprehensive about just taking him in with open arms. Sounds like you two need to have a talk. Like you said, don't want to fall into the same trap twice.


digdug41 49M

4/28/2006 1:25 pm

hey there I know whatcha mean I just kinna leave them alone coz they are unstable types to me thats why I figure if they just stop then I just leave it at that even if it does hurt it wont last for longthe hurt) I mean cyaroun the blogs

roaming the cyber streets of blogland


rm_kneel_be4me 49M
457 posts
4/29/2006 11:42 am

I have my best friend, she will be my best friend no matter what she does... i lover her with all my heart and she knows that... We are not ment to be in an intamate relationship, we are ment to be friends. She has twice now ended our relationship, once because her bf was affraid of me, the second was to go off to get married (to another guy). I have always told her that no matter what happens between us I will always love her and she will always have a friend in me... she contacted me two weeks ago after not hearing from her in three years needing a friend, I was there for her. But I dont do this with just anyone. A normal friend would have to justify why they broke it off and then rebuild the relationship. If they did it again it would take a hell of alot to get back the friendship.


Knot4Everyone 40F

4/29/2006 3:51 pm

Thanks for all the comments! I do appreciate you guys sharing your experiences and opinions with me!!

I think I'll just stay cool and see what happens. I don't plan on calling him, so we'll see how long he stays around this time...


redmustang91 57M  
8658 posts
5/1/2006 11:39 am

I had a high school friend who dropped me because his new wife thought I was too tacky due to my irreverent sense of humor. Apparently he thought it would be disloyal to her to see me just by himself... That is life. I figure his loss and my gain by losing an insincere friend.


aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
5/1/2006 1:33 pm

It has happened to me once... It was really very strange. She became popular and I wasn't into that whole scene. Maybe that's why.


goodguysneedit2 56M

5/3/2006 3:26 pm

Oh yes...indeed!
Mind-fucks like that can mess with you for a VERY long time!

I have several stories I could tell...no enough time...lol..and believe it or not,they all still hurt a little.


Knot4Everyone 40F

5/4/2006 2:09 pm

Just as I expected, my "friend" has gone M.I.A. again. It hurt a lot the first time, but this time I expected it.

It sucks to loose a friend for no good reason, but like y'all said - if they leave without reason then they weren't that great of a friend to begin with.

I wonder if I have ever deserted someone who thought of me as a good friend...


goodguysneedit2 56M

5/5/2006 4:49 am

Hi again Knot,

I actually do have a lot of insight towards his/your possible issues, due to long struggles in trying to figure out why this stuff happens to me.
Chances are good that you have always known something wasn't quite right, due to his elusive nature which has not only frustrated you and hurt you,but has also attracted you intensely. Does that sound correct?

I'm also wondering if you've had a feeling of "walking on eggshells" with him?...always slightly worried about his potential reactions or driving him away?

So...here's the major question:
Did his disappearing acts usually result soon after you'd felt like you'd restored your level of closeness with him?...just when you thought things were okay again?...perhaps after some kind of intimate moment of sharing/bonding in any way(not necessarily physical)?

Let me know if I've rang a bell or two..lol

-G'Guy


Knot4Everyone 40F

5/5/2006 9:49 pm

    Quoting goodguysneedit2:
    Hi again Knot,

    I actually do have a lot of insight towards his/your possible issues, due to long struggles in trying to figure out why this stuff happens to me.
    Chances are good that you have always known something wasn't quite right, due to his elusive nature which has not only frustrated you and hurt you,but has also attracted you intensely. Does that sound correct?

    I'm also wondering if you've had a feeling of "walking on eggshells" with him?...always slightly worried about his potential reactions or driving him away?

    So...here's the major question:
    Did his disappearing acts usually result soon after you'd felt like you'd restored your level of closeness with him?...just when you thought things were okay again?...perhaps after some kind of intimate moment of sharing/bonding in any way(not necessarily physical)?

    Let me know if I've rang a bell or two..lol

    -G'Guy
You're not too far off, G'Guy. We were relatively new friends and about to be more. He had already told me that he loved me (which, btw, I though was strange and too soon). Then I asked him a question. (Damn women and their questions!) He made a few snide remarks, gave me the cold shoulder, and went on to completely ignore me. I left him alone and went about my life. Then, out of the blue, he starts sending me messages as though we were together. That was weird! Anyway, he's no longer sending me messages of any kind. There's no problem here, it was just very confusing!

Thank you so much for offering your help! Very kind of you!


Become a member to create a blog