2 Questions  

Knot4Everyone 40F
734 posts
4/3/2006 1:49 pm

Last Read:
4/6/2006 4:05 am

2 Questions

I've been thinking a lot lately about life in general - my life in particular. All of this was brought on by a recent job offer that I'm having a hard time seeing the benefit in. So I started reflecting on my life and all of the decisions I have made over the years. Have they been the right decisions? Not always, I'm sure. However, every decision I have made in the past - big and small - have led me to where I am at this very moment. I can't complain about where I am, or who I am, so I guess everything has worked out.

Anyway, all this reflecting brought up two questions. Here they are: 1. What is the worst thing I have ever done? 2. What was the hardest thing I have ever done? Deep, right?

Here are my answers: 1. Had an affair in order to get a divorce. 2. Admit failure when I quit college.

I have answered them, and now I am posing these questions to all you wonderful members of Blogville. I am curious what your answers might be, and if I'll get any comments at all! Keep in mind that when I say "worst" and "hardest" I mean for you personally, not as society would judge.

So here they are again:

1. What is the worst thing you've ever done?

2. What is the hardest thing you've ever done?

rm_yukonpaul 51M
1120 posts
4/3/2006 2:17 pm

1. The worst: Not talking to my family for 3 1/2 years.

2. The hardest: Letting my family back into my life.

lockestryfe 36M
63 posts
4/3/2006 2:36 pm

1) The worst thing I have ever done... where to start? The worst thing I can think of at the moment would have to be the first time I took money from the register at one of my previous jobs. They really took care of me at that place, and I stabbed them in the back over a years worth of time, before they caught on and fired me...

2) The hardest thing I've ever done was to leave my life behind and really think about what I wanted myself to become, and then actually trying to do it. IT's still the hardest thing I'm doing now...

rm_meiko575757 44M

4/3/2006 3:13 pm

the worst: I cheated on a chemistry test, no serious, not loving the friends and family when i am a chance too. married to the job for to many years.

the hardest: letting a special someone go. we were not married or anything like that, but i knew that it would never had worked and that i would of gotten hurt in the end. so i walked before my feelings grew to much

Jeepidiot 42M

4/3/2006 3:23 pm

Best not to look back on your life and wonder about any mistakes you might of made. None of that can be changed so it does no good to get worked up over them.

1) Worst thing? Tough one. Either I'm so arrogant that I don't think I've ever done anything wrong, or I've always just tried to be nice to people or just stay out of the way. The one thing that seems to pop into my head the most throughout the years happened way back in 3rd grade. There was a kid named Tommy (I can't spell his last name) and we were friends I guess. I mean we hung out with the same kids at recess and all. I had no real reason to dislike him and he didn't dislike me. One day though another kid and I just decide harass him. We called him names, pushed him around and came as close as I guess you can to beating him up without actually doing it. I have absolutely no clue why we did it. I think back now to how I would feel if one of my friends just came up to me and started behaving the way I did. What do you do in a situation like that? I feel like shit when I think about it. And it sucks because I imagine my son going through the same thing.

2) Hardest thing? After 8yrs of doing everything I could to be a father, I decided probably the best thing was to just disappear. My son lives with his mother in PA and I live in SC. For 8yrs I drove up there as often as I could to see him. She wasn't anything remotely close to being helpful in the situation and on more than one occassion had told me I should just get out of his life. Well I realized one day that when he was visiting me I spent most of my time getting onto him for his behavoir(behavoir that his mother let him get away with). He wasn't having any fun and I knew that the older he got the less he'd want to travel 600 miles to spend time with his dad. He'd want to spend his summers with his friends. So I just gave up. I stopped calling(not that his mother ever answered the phone when I called anyway). It took a year before his mother called to ask what was up. And she didn't really care even then. I know it seems like I'm a "deadbeat dad" and maybe I am, but I really just think he's better off without me. The word "Daddy" didn't mean the same to him as it does to other kids. To him, Daddy's weren't suppose to live with mommies. They were suppose to come visit whenever they were allowed while mommies moved in with various guys.

Knot4Everyone 40F

4/3/2006 6:10 pm

yukon - We can't choose our family, but they will always be our family. I wish you luck with re-connecting!

lockestryfe - I don't really have a comment about the stealing thing. It sounds like you regret it, and I guess that's a lesson learned the hard way. Kudos to you for having the strength and courage to leave your old life in order to find a new, more true life for yourself. Best of luck to you!!!

meiko - Cheating on a test! That's funny! You've probably never cheated on a test in your life!! Most people define themselves by the work they do. A common question when meeting someone for the first time is "What do you do?" Most people answer with their occupation - "I'm a waiter" or "I'm a chemist". Rarely do people answer with "I'm a rock climber and a photographer and a traveler. Oh yeah, I work as a chemist." The balance between work and family/friends is a difficult one, and only you know what's best for you. I'm glad you now realize the importance of family and friends - it's never too late! I'm sorry you felt you had to let that special someone go for fear of being hurt. I ask you this: can you truly and deeply love if you have never experienced true and deep pain?

Thank you to everyone for sharing a bit of yourselves with me! Kisses!!!

Knot4Everyone 40F

4/3/2006 6:33 pm

Jeepidiot - Did this other kid have issues with Tommy? I'm really wondering what caused this sudden turn on the poor child! I understand that kids will be kids, and that they don't always know the reasons for what they do, but I remain curious...

About you son: My mother and father were married young (right after finding out she was pregnant with me), and then divorced when I was about a year old. My mother eventually re-married, and I grew up with my mother and my step-father. I never saw my birth father. I knew about him - that is to say I knew that my step-father wasn't my "real" father - but I never saw or heard from him. It was just a fact of life that I had a different last name than the rest of my family. I was pretty much okay with this until I started college. That's when I started to get really pissed. I was using a last name that I in no way identified with, and I was tired of it! I spent a few weeks solid searching for information on my biological father's whereabouts, and I was pretty sure I had found his home address and phone number. I then spent another week staring at this information, deciding what to do with it. Should I call him? Should I just show up on his doorstep? Should I be polite or snide and resentful? In the end I tucked the information in the back of some notebook and decided to forget about it. I realized that it didn't matter. I had a good childhood and loved my step-father as a true dad. Well, about six years later (almost five years ago) I received a letter in the mail from my biological father's wife. It stated that he thought of me all the time and that they would really like to meet me. It stopped me cold. I had to read that letter several times before it sunk in. In the letter she included about seven different phone numbers and their address. What did I do? I called their home number almost immediately. She answered and I told her who I was. She then handed the phone to my biological father without warning him who was on the other end of the line. When I told him who I was he was speechless for a good five minutes. Turns out he didn't know she had sent the letter! A few months later I met my biological father, his wife, and their children.

Would I call it happily ever after? No, but it's still something. He missed out on a lot in my life. We are still in contact today, but he will always be just my biological father. Dad is the title reserved for my step-father, the one who was there when I needed him.

To be honest, I am glad that my biological father wasn't around as I was growing up. He and my mother would have fought in a terrible manner. I would have been forced to take sides. I would have hated having to split my time between two completely separate families, and I would have been miserable and always felt bad about myself - like I was the reason my mother was angry all the time. With him out of the picture I was able to have a more "normal" childhood, and I thank him for stepping back. I don't know exactly what happened way back when, and I don't care to hear the story from either person's point of view. It simply doesn't matter, not anymore. What matters now is that I have two families that love me.

Your situation may be different. I don't know if your son has a male role model in his life, a father figure, but i do think he needs one. It's a tough call on your part. If I can be of any assistance just let me know! I am a very good listener and will limit my advice to only when asked for it!

Thank you, Jeep! I enjoy your comments/posts more and more every day!!! Hugs and kisses to you!!!!!

TrapsTomesSteed 42M
202 posts
4/4/2006 6:59 am

There's nothing wrong with self-reflection, as long as you don't get caught living in the past and second guessing yourself. But looking back on the choices we've made can better educate us for the choices still to come.

Worst - I stole a 50 cent pack of Jawbreakers candy when I like 7. I know, that sounds pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. But amidst the sea of other bad shit I'm sure I've done over the course of my life, that's the one thing I truly feel guilty about to this day. I've never stolen anything else.

Hardest - breaking up with an old girlfriend. But it was the right thing to do.

hotccouple28 45M/44F

4/5/2006 2:30 pm

The worst thing I have ever done was break a promise, I promised that I would be man enough to leave before I would be unfaithful. My marriage was falling apart fast and we had went separate ways and not have sex in several months with my wife, before I knew it I broke my promise.

the hardest thing is living with the guilt, because as bad as things where she didn't deserve that. One day my kids will come to me about why and then that maybe the hardest thing, who knows.

I know this is not my place but if I may add: Jeepidiot, maybe one day your son will come to you to find out why things are the way they are and hear your side of things.

Knot4Everyone 40F

4/5/2006 7:57 pm

zom & hotccouple: Thank you both for sharing your deep, dark secrets with me! And thank you, hotccouple, for being kind to Jeepidiot - he needs the support!

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