| English Jokes |
Jun 18, 2008 11:06 am
244 Views | My personal fave - #11..what's yours?
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for Shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the Other day but I couldn't find Any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet Him 50 quid that He couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too
high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong Currant pulled Him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious Accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled A muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in The craft, it sank, proving once and for all that You can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor Of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his Head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well,"said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck-up my backside.""How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
17 . So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great,the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20 . Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22 . A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
23. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. | |
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6 Comments | |
| Meet my new roommate |
Jun 15, 2008 2:33 am
Mood: cheerful, 322 Views |  | Gandalf..the Grey great wizard from Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings".
Thats us, spending lazy sunday, lyng on the blue couch...to the soothing medication music *lol*
He's adopted. Since Kitty chose to live with my sis on 7th floor, I need a new roommate! Please welcome Gandalf  |
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8 Comments | |
| If your life is a sitcom.. |
Jun 13, 2008 9:20 pm
Mood: happy, 322 Views |  | Batmanner-I stole this idea from your respond
If I can choose, I want my personal life to be Meredith Grey of Grey's Anatomy. McDreamy is sooooooo yummy....doesnt hurt to be a doctor either and have a collegue like McSteamy..Ahh..can orgasm just by looking *lol* well, since I can choose I'll skip the irritating ex wife Allison (to avoid kazillion catfights...meooowwww!!), the drunk dad, and the dead mum.
Work life..maybe Patty Hewes of Damage- that woman has got balls the size of Pluto I like the scene where she said 'if u r a man, I will be very afraid' to another male lawyer, perhaps one day ... I could do the same!
Well dear Adult FriendFinder members, if you can choose a sitcom/movie/book character..who's life would you like to live? And why...
PS: Pix of my dad's kittens. Thats Aslan on top and Prince Edmund below. Prince Caspian was somewhere on the ground (not in pic). Special fact abt these 3 cute meows...their dad is a (tame) jungle cat. My dialect call it kucing batu, I think it's Kucing Hutan in Malay. |
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1 comment | |
| What keep you sane? |
Jun 11, 2008 9:27 am
359 Views |  | I just had to share this. Motormouth consulted a very well known skin speacialist today. The icon pix is the take out from the consulation, along with a small bottle of medicated toner, medicated cleanser and a small tube of pimple cream, suppose to last for 2 weeks.
Get this "if the outbreak is so bad like yours have to conitnue medication for another month after that. Then after that one month, for it to fully recover usually have to take for another 3 months, then after that to maintain and make sure it doesnt come back have to take another 3 months."
Roll eyes- like suggested script
The drawing is PinkyPig's version of the doctor's original 'art'. I guess, friends really brighten up our rather dull/stressful moments, and there's def an inner child inside each of us, and it keep us sane thru kiddie responses and sometimes by throwing kiddie tantrums.
What keep you sane? |
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5 Comments | |
| Help me choose: Bali or Manila |
Jun 10, 2008 8:34 am
Mood: adventurous, 403 Views | We're planning a short weekend away for another friend's birthday this Oct. Since they have decided what to do for mine (Beauty & the Beast Musical-all sorted last week while I was away!)so I got the honor to choose the destination for this one.
I suggested these 2 options:
KL-Bali-KL: 2 hrs flight
KL-Manila-KL: 5hrs flight
Price: same
Which would you choose? Yours truly said we should go to Manila, value for money since comparatively, it's cheaper(longer flying time, more milegae covered, more fuel usage). Beside, they all been to Bali atleast once (except me!!) so Manila would be everyone's first Pinoy experience. Sounds like fun! My reasoning earned me a new nickname- Miss Super-Calculative!
Been there? Pls share your experince. Welcome comments and suggestions.
Note: Please limit your suggestion to Asian cities, excluding Bangkok, Singapore, Hong Kong, Taipei, and all cities within China and Malaysia. | |
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9 Comments | |
| Kitty on fuel price hike, world recession & credit crunch. |
Jun 9, 2008 12:28 pm
Mood: *smart-a$$*, 404 Views | How does everyone adjusting to the new petrol/diesel price? -hopefully good Yours truly doesnt own a car, so, safe to say I dont really feel the pinch of the 78cent/$1 price hike! Today I went to KFC for lunch and noticed that the prices been increased roughly by abt 5% and the nearby mamak increased plain rice price by 30cent i.e 30!! Talk abt inflation!!
Interestingly, the property prices dropped, and hopefully the local banks will be forced to reduce their lending rates! Good for house owners-lower interest to pay. Doesnt make a different for me since mine is standard at 4%pa as long as I stay with my current employer. Lets just hope 10 yrs from now, when I wanna sell I can make tonnes of RM
I had an interesting debate with one of my friend who bluntly criticisied our PM for the price hike. I personally support his (PM) decision (maybe coz of my background??). While I agree that the low income group will be badly affected, but the price hike is inevitable. World market crude oil price is at USD140 per barrel as we speak! The gov can't afford to subsidise the oil price any longer as last year alone it cost more than 53Billion!
Having said that, I feel the gov can do more to ease the rakyat's burden by promoting NGV as an alternative fuel *before* annoucing the price hike. Petronas's oil reserve is projected to dry out by 2018, so we as Malaysian should prepare for it. Perhaps the gov can help to monitor and promote car engine conversion to support alternative fuel -NGV, cooking oil and the like.
Plus, why cut subsidy only from oil gas sector? Why not cut the subsidy from other sectors, mainly agriculture? Malaysian farmers have been enjoying gov subsidy for too long, they're not striving for their best potential. It's like, why work hard, when u can get it the easy way, right? It become stagnant-had the gov push this sector forward, we probably won't be dependent on other countries for our rice supplies!
Third, reduce the import taxes on foreign cars! Even at 200-300%, Malaysians are still buying imported cars! Reduce the taxes...let the rakyat choose. So if the richer ones buy higher cc cars, they'll spend more on fuel charges due to higher fuel usage. The poorer will buy cheaper cars and spend lesser on fuel charges. 83% of Malaysian populations are from the 'younger generation'. The educated ones..the smart ones..They(we?) can choose wisely!
Any world trade books would have given tried, tested and proven ways to drive the economy changes. These proven ways do not work on mix and match basis. Do it, and do it all the way. The gov cant pick and choose whats best *only* for them but what's best for everyone.
Ha..thats just my thoughts and opinions on the above at 3.30am!
World recession is hitting Malaysian shore soon..if not already...are you ready?
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7 Comments | |
| My not so fun holiday |
Jun 6, 2008 11:37 am
Mood: angry, 479 Views |  | Past 1 week would have been fun if not for the following:
1. I lost count of the times someone asked me when I am getting married or where's A. My standard answer would be "Lemme some lose weight 1st, so I look stunning in my beautiful wedding dress".Worst time is when mummy dearest asked me the million $ Q. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. For goodness sake I'm only turning 31!
2. I also lost count of the times someone commented how *fat* I am. Yes, I was underweight a couple of years ago, but what wrong of being 5 kg above my ideal weight? Its not the end of the world!
3. Back in KL my nephew let my cat out for almost 15 hours a couple of days back. Kitty was attacked by someone/something and my sister found her weak and bleeding and can barely meow. Got major cut on her body and mouth and big gaping hole on her right leg. Poor darling-I almost cry seeing her sad injured face  [image IMG_2736]
4. My return flight was delayed for 2 hrs, and the idiot sitting infront of me dropped something and it hit my nose and the inner corner of my right eye, leaving the (bridge) nose swollen with 3 small cuts. I was bleeding and in a very Malaysian style, nobody offers to help. The cabin crews are helpless, there was no 1st aid kit, and the idiot walked so fast I didnt get his details. Later in the terminal building, there was no ground staffs around. Luckily the nice Chinese lady who sat next to me gave me tissue paper to blot the blood, and offered to gimme a ride home since she is staying nearby. (I declined, she insisted since there's no way in hell she gonna let me go back alone at midnite while am bleeding and with a swollen eye, her words, not mine) Bless you Mdm L. [image IMG_2731]
Here's a pic of Kitty's wounded mouth, and my swollen nose. |
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9 Comments | |
| Feline News |
May 25, 2008 12:07 am
610 Views | Japanese railway turns to feline 'stationmaster' for help
KINOKAWA, Japan (AFP) - In times of need, Japanese say they can even ask the cat for help. In this town in western Japan, people look to Tama, a nine-year-old cat working as master of an unmanned train station.
The tortoiseshell coloured creature, born and raised at Kishi Station on the provincial Kishigawa Line, wears a formal uniform cap of Wakayama Electric Railway and calmly watches passing passengers who greet her.
There are 10 train stations on the 14.3-kilometre (8.9-mile) line.
"Tama is the only stationmaster as we have to reduce personnel costs. You say you could ask for the cat's help, but she is actually bringing luck to us," Wakayama Electric spokeswoman Keiko Yamaki said.
The company feeds her in lieu of salary.
Tama was born from a stray cat brought to the station by a cleaner and kept by Toshiko Koyama, a local who runs a grocery store next door.
The station went unmanned in April 2006 as the line was losing money. But Tama stuck around.
She rose to national stardom in January 2007 as the railway company formally appointed her as "stationmaster".
Her appointment had an immediately positive effect, boosting the number of passengers using the line in January by 17 percent from a year earlier.
For the year to March 2007, the number of passengers rose to 2.1 million, up 10 percent from the previous 12 months, according to Yamaki.
Happy with her successful job as stationmaster, the company promoted Tama to "super-stationmaster" in January this year, making her "the only female in a managerial position" in the company's 36-strong workforce.
"She now holds the fifth highest position in the company," Yamaki joked.
In reward for the promotion, Tama got a new "office".
The stationmaster's office, a renovated former ticket booth at the station, opened in April with the attendance of Kinokawa Mayor Shinji Nakamura and Wakayama Electric president Mitsunobu Kojima.
The office guarantees her some privacy.
"She declines to relieve herself when passengers are looking. We set the toilet where passengers can't see," Yamaki said.
Those who want to greet her must be careful so as not to miss her.
"She works nine to five and takes Sundays off," Yamaki said.
Tama commutes with Koyama, the grocery store operator, from a shed next to the station. As Koyama tells her, "Ms Stationmaster, it's time to work," Tama comes along to the station, Yamaki said.
The stationmaster is set to appear in a French documentary film, being directed by Myriam Tonelotto, about wonder cats from around the world.
By Toru Yamanaka AFP - Sunday, May 25 04:07 am
I wonder if the monorail would like to hire my cat Kitty to mend one of their station. | |
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4 Comments | |
| Do you believe in 2nd chance? |
May 23, 2008 10:25 am
Mood: lonely, 665 Views | I had a lovely evening, went out for a drink with my ex. Tho its pathetic that I spent my Friday night with an ex. I thought after 2 years I'll be OK. Obviously I'm wrong! I feel sad stepping out from his car and walking back to the apt alone. We used to be an item and now he's with someone else (she called to complaint that she lost her wrist watch at the gym, and obviously she wanted him to get her a new one)
He asked if I wanna go out for a movie tomorrow, I said No, I've got plan (if you can call laundry a plan *lol*)The night ended with a good nite kiss..on the cheek! and a quick smack on the lips. *sigh* I should have ask him back to my place eh? 
Do you believe in 2nd chance, of making the wrong, right....??? Coz...I think I am  for the same guy. Or maybe I had too much margaritas earlier-so I kinda feeling all mushy and and 
~~i'm here without u babe, but u're still with me in my dreams...and tonite...its only u and me~~~
sweet dreams | |
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17 Comments | |
| Sea..Sun & Lotsa Fun Part II |
May 19, 2008 10:01 am
Mood: feel like a million $, 712 Views | I'm back 
So much fun...it'll require 150 posts! I'll just list some and maybe I'll spill some of the juicy details later
1. 3 bottles of reds from airport to ferry point (approx an hours journey)I'm not alcoholics , u dont find alcoholics here..they're all in meetings!
2. Snorkelling 1 : Fish Point - exotic fish. Flirted with one of the cute staff. Found out he's the taukeh's son. *drool* over his 6 packs abs
2. Romantic KK went for Sunset Discovery Walk. Beautiful sunset!My guide owns the cutest male butt (same guy as above). He's gorgeous. Abs and ass!
3. Reggae party - sucks. I hate the DJ. We fly him all the way from KL..ungrateful arrogant b****d! Doesnt want to change the genre! He forgotten that *we* hired him *rolleyes x1million*
4. Snorkelling Part II : Adult FriendFinder Point. Cute guy not around. Damn..didnt get to see the abs and the ass that morning. Saw few baby sharks. The shark was swimming right underneath me. I was told the sharks are vegeterians..so no risk of losing my chunky legs to them! I dragged the session for almost an hour! It was 1.25pm when we left. Lunch was serve at 12.30pm! Oppsssie....
5.Had quick bite since my snorkelling III scheduled at 3pm. Adult FriendFinder Point. It was so fun . I swam with the turtle and damn that thing can swim!!! I was a bit tired, but this cute guy was soooo sweet, he took my hand and pulled me..we chased the turtle and I got to touch the shell! OMG-it felt like a 1M $ moment
6. My friend surprised me with a full body massage. Unfortunately, the massage is at some sort of an open air gazebo..no walls only curtains and they seem not to errr..bother to draw the curtains! Since I need to strip..I changed to foot reflex and shoulder massage instead. Even then I still feel so uncomfy since I was wearing a tiny skirt and having my legs spread in open air..was not relaxing!
7. Hours later (after power nap) I craved for icecream but the resort doesnt serve any! *roll eyes x1000* So I just sit @ the bar and sipping margarita with my BFF. Then went for a long walk before settling for a quick dip. The water was so blue and warm! Too much margaritas makes everything looks and feels perfect
8. Party time (again!!)I dont remember much coz I was so *red* lol. I remember smiling/giggling alot, playing "I Never..." game, putting ice in everyone's shirt/blouse/dress, broke a wine glass, and singing Itsy Bitsy Spider
(For dramatic effect please play Whitney's Same Script Different Cast song in your head while reading this part)
Oh..need I remind you dear reader that it's a small world! On the way to the island, my boat was stopped by the Marine Police...in the middle of nowhere..and in that 30 mins - one boat carrying my ex and his new girl was stopped too. Our eyes met and I guess he told her and she *kissed* him! On his lips..right infront of me..separated only by the Marine boat! In respond, I flew some kisses to them. Wish *her* well  ~~Enjoy it now..it wont last~~ | |
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6 Comments | |
| Sea...sun and lotsa fun! |
May 15, 2008 7:18 am
Mood: H.A.P.P.Y!!!~~~~~, 783 Views |
am flying off tomorrow morning for some fun at the beach. Soooo looking forward to this getaway since my last holiday was freezing cold! I love the sun! and the sea! And snorkeling! And diving! and swimming! and the party 
Then 9 days of work, and off again for another week to visit my parents ..more sun and more sea, and double the fun!
Dont blame me, it's my birthday month
 Have a fun-tastic weekend! | |
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8 Comments | |
| Just call me Ms. Independent. |
May 13, 2008 10:45 am
Mood: *miss Independent*, 841 Views | Warning: This is a chick lit.
Dating is fun, but it’s exhausting, and the more time I spend doing it, the less time I have for other things. I’m an introvert and that means I need a lot of me-time to function. While I love my friends, I also love spending an entire afternoon lying on my ‘day-bed’ with a stack of magazines, or a good book, my iPod, and lots and lots of diet coke, or going to movies by myself (I love seeing chick flicks!). I’ve traveled by myself as well, and I love getting to an airport in an unfamiliar city, and realizing I’m totally responsible, for me.
Just call me Ms. Independent.
The problem is, in all my dating situations, I’ve always found guys come on too strongly—they want to spend more time with me than I want to spend with them, they want to talk on the phone for more than 10 minutes—and that freaks me out. I know a lot of it is simply because they’re not the right guy (back when I was with the *him* a few years back, I was definitely the one calling him all the time, and would get so excited to see him), but part of me is like, when AM I going to meet the right guy? I can’t keep waiting forever. But then, when I’m in a dating situation, I just want out!
What do you think? How’d it work for you? For me, one of my problems may be that I just don’t see guys very often. I work long hours and many of my friends from school are girls . . . Thoughts?
And…..in general, have you ever said no to a date with a guy because of his profession?
PS: If Sir T can blog about aliens, I don’t see why I can’t blog about dating | |
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9 Comments | |
| What inappropriate questions did people ask you? |
May 11, 2008 10:55 am
Mood: annoyed, 914 Views | Have you ever been asked by either a friend or an acquaintance or a complete stranger something that was just totally inappropriate and/or way too personal? I certainly have! Some people have no qualms asking questions that I feel cross the line. These are just a few that strike a nerve with me:
1. "You are not married????" Like I'm some kind of freak for being (get this!!) 30 and single! I usually answer with: "No, I am trying to avoid a nasty divorce"
2. I HATE it when someone looks at me and says, “What's your ethnicity/nationality?" or WORST "What are you?”. What kills me is when the person wants to guess it without me just telling them. How annoying!
3. A variation of #2. "Are you Chinese?" No!!. Then, rudely starts speaking Chinese words to me. What is THAT about?? Every time that happens, I have to hurt myself from blurting out cracker because I'm soo annoyed. I hate when people just don't believe I'm not Chinese, Vietnamese or Filipino! I'm like...Yeah, I'm 100% NOT, so stop trying to argue with my own heritage! WOW, such an idiot!
4. I get the "Are your breasts real?" from random women in public bathrooms, especially at the club. Its totally undeserved and inappropriate! Who would even think to ask that to a complete stranger? I normally answer, "They are real, and they are spectacular”.
5. "How much did that cost?" and “How much did your apartment cost?” It’s so NOYB!! *roll eyes*
Do tell, what questions do you find inappropriate or rude?
KK obviously had a rough week! | |
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