Question about relationships and stuff  

KinkyMTgirl 38F
562 posts
9/18/2005 6:36 am

Last Read:
8/4/2006 6:47 pm

Question about relationships and stuff

This is for the guys. When you say you "don't want to get hurt," what exactly do you mean by that. I mean, yes I know you don't want to get hurt, but love has no guarantees. Sometimes you're gonna get hurt, but in the end, don't you think you'll be better for it?

Does that just mean you don't think the person in front of you is worth risking the hurt over? And to keep this person sort of hanging on...what's that about? A stroke of the ego? Knowing there is a woman who cares about you and would like to be with you? Or is it like a safety net? You know someone will always be there for you?

I'm curious, because I don't have "relationship" experience with men. Only sexual experiences.

Just give me your opinion, please...thanks.

DamselNdistres3 51M/47F

9/18/2005 7:50 am

Hey, there. I think it depends on the guy when someone says that. Some are probably just saying it to warn the woman that they care deeply and getting hurt is a possibility for them while otheres are the opposite and say it as an excuse to split. My man is beside me and says, you quote, "i only have sexual relationships, not real relationships". He says a word of advice to you would be to try to go out with someone and refrain from sex for a couple of dates. If he comes back, he likes you for you. If not, you were wasting your time in the first place.

SibylBatchAxile 43M
384 posts
9/18/2005 7:55 am

Hmmm.... That's a hard one. However, I guess it could mean one of two things (at least from my perspective anyway.) First, it could mean that the guy isn't ready for a relationship/commitment, etc. I suppose it could be used if the guy just doesn't feel that into you - you know, a 'blow off' line. Well, I've heard it used that way, at any rate. There are a lot of asshole men out there, so it could be just a game that they're playing also

The second reason, and probably the more common one (if the man is being truthful, and not trying to lead you on), is that as a general rule, most men feel the need to be in as much control of their environment as possible - and nowhere is this more apparent than when it comes to their emotions. Even in todays society, and emotional man is looked down upon (at least from other men's veiwpoints.) Sure, guys can break down and be emotional in front of a woman, but if there's other men around - HANG ON! That is pretty rare. The male ego and dominance monster rears its ugly head.

A lot of men don't know how to deal with their emotions - they would just rather forget about it - focus their attention on something they can control.

So when they say 'they don't want to get hurt', what they are really could be saying is this: 'I don't want to lose control of my emotions, because I don't know how to deal with them. I don't want to feel the discomfort (and possible pain) of being emotional...of taking a risk where I can't calculate the odds.'

You see, you have to remember the one thing that most women still don't know about men - most men are VERY insecure, at least when it comes to relationships. And again, this is because they have no control over those emotions, and they don't know how to deal with that. Most men don't like to feel emotional pain - they'd rather be kicked in the balls, because that's at least something they can deal with - something 'real' and tangible...

Emotions are a touchy subject for many men...

Pax vobiscum

GoodMorningBrew 51M

9/18/2005 1:27 pm

Mr. Cole makes a lot of good points. The issue of men's insecurity in a relationship is a strong influence to his lack of expression of feelings. Once a man exposes his deep thoughts about life than he feels even more vulnerable. As a man suppresses his feelings he creates a lack of communication. This means we have two dead end roads: one with lack of communication that leads to collapse in our relationship, second with feelings of vulnerablity created by too much expressions of feelings. Either way, its tough for most men to feel security in a relationship. Maybe this is true for most of us. Sex is our only common element of expression.

hottyme2 51M

9/18/2005 2:01 pm


KinkyMTgirl 38F
66 posts
9/18/2005 4:14 pm

Thanks for the advice. I've done everything I can to make him "secure" in how I feel about him. I don't play coy, I don't play games. I told him straight out I like him and would do nothing to hurt him. So, it's probably the blow off line?

His friend did say his ex had really screwed him over and he was gunshy. So, I don't know what else I can do.

And the relationsip thing with me is partly because I'm from a very small town, where most of the guys didn't want to be seen with a larger girl. Or the dating is different. Get together go hang out at the bar (*doesn't mean I drink, just hang out to be with people). To some, that's dating. With some of the sexual relationships, I thought they were more, until I realized I was doing all the work and he was getting all the benefits...not dating.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me ramble.

rm_TwiztedCharm 56M
456 posts
10/5/2005 12:52 am

All you need do is listen to "The Dance" by garth brooks.

rm_borobadlad 46M/F

11/10/2005 8:29 am

Didn't know men said such things, not very manly is it?

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