Benefits and doubts  

Kindofintense88 41T
0 posts
6/17/2006 2:54 pm
Benefits and doubts

If you've ever been hurt by somebody, raise your hand. If you've had a hard time trusting people after having been hurt, raise your other hand. If you've let yourself become jaded and now can't trust anybody and assume that everybody is a jerk before ever even considering that they might not be, lower your hands and slap yourself in the face.

I have been called an eternal optimist and many see that as a fault. Many people think I'm immature because I look for the good in people before I see the bad. I walk around trying my best to smile as much as possible (though I am admittedly not always successful) and for this I am called naive and superficial. Here's the thing. I used to be naive. I used to think everybody had the same good intentions as myself. I trusted people who smiled and I believed peoples' smiles were as natural and sincere as mine. Then I moved to Los Angeles. I feel like I can't trust anybody here. I've had clients smile at me and act like everything was great, then make up pretend complaints about me and try to get me fired simply because they wanted to get a refund and get my company's services for free. Stuff like that breaks my heart on different levels. I try really hard to do a good job simply so I can have a sense of pride that comes from a genuine place, and it really hurts when I do a good job and people not only don't care, but complain about me for their selfish benefit. But more than that, when all I want is to make the world a better place, having to constantly deal with people who focus on nothing but petty things drives me nuts. And people are so freaking needlessly petty! Come on people, evolve!

I have been hurt and scarred. I have deep wounds that will never heal, and I have great difficulty trusting people. However, I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am not naive. When people smile at me, I ask myself if it might be a fake smile and consider that I might be being manipulated. However, I do not let that healthy assumption cause me to assume that everybody is automatically an asshole. I consider it, then file it away in my mind and continue to act with genuine smiles and sincerity in the hopes that maybe this one is real and as sincere as me. I can never trust people completely, but I know that people assume my smiles to be insincere and superficial, and I would hope that those people would give me the benefit of the doubt and get to know me and be happy to discover that they have met a genuine person, and so I try to offer people the same benefit.

I am so tired of hearing people tell me that this person is an asshole, and that person is a jerk, and knowing that these people are jumping to conclusions about the people they are talking about. I live for a world where people chose to not be jaded by their past injuries, where people don't focus on the petty, and where people are brave enough to take the chance that they very well may be manipulated and hurt, but chose to continue smiling and trying their best to trust people. Is that so hard?

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