Sigh, its been an odd month.  

Kevin4funtime 38M
43 posts
6/29/2006 9:25 pm
Sigh, its been an odd month.

Sigh, its been an odd month.

Several new things have occured, for one, my roommate is dating a girl that i know, and I mean "Know" . So that makes it awkward for me but not them so I guess that is on me.

Personally though, I've been fairly odd as well; I've lost 20 lbs over the last three months due to my workout routine, so i have more energy than i use too, which helps counter act my lack of sleep.

You see, I've been plague with well not nightmares in the sense that i wake up all scared or screaming, but horrors of conscience. Dreams of Loss, (yup capital letter and everthing) and mistakes. My mind seems to be trapped in a self punishment loop. I keep having dreams of things i done wrong or things i wish i had done, but didn't because they were wrong. Dreams filled with temptations, pain, sorrow, and a longing so deep I think if it keeps up its gonna smother me. It does worry me becuase its happing about 3 times a week and I can't seem to make the mental connections while awake to stop it.

On a possible related note, I have been trying to take the high road personally in my use of speech and words. I've said so many things in the past and now I do realize that I was wrong and I do take them back. Its too late to actually do so, but Wish it anyway. To much personal growth this month is burning me out.

The scary thing is maybe, just maybe I deserve it and worse....

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